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OK.. I asked this in the "singles and dating" forum, but I think a lot of the people there are teens.OK... I've been with my boyfriend for approximately 4 1/2 years. It's a long distance relationship (has been from the start) but I am just not into it, or him, anymore. I tried to talk to him about it a month or so ago... telling him that I am not really happy, etc. I decided to give it a little more time after our talk, but nothing really has changed. I think we have just grown apart and this relationship is going nowhere. We are not all that young, either ... I am 31 and he is 40. I am not really looking to get married (been there done that)... this relationship is just stale and I am so bored with it and him. Even when we are together, all he wants to do is sit on his butt and watch sports on TV. I am always feeling angry and resentful toward him. It's hard because he hasn't really done anything "wrong" per SE. It's almost like I wish he would go out and cheat on me or something ... LOL
I just don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
Basically, life is short, too short to be wasted being unhappy. If I were you, I would break up with him and move on with your life. You deserve to be happy and enjoy life.
I can tell by your post that you know what you want to do-but you want backing......long distance,not going anywhere, TV freak.....leave.....its just a simple phone call-or should be if you are detached from him
You have the power! This is your life, either you're going to waste it or make something of it in every area. You are very nice for not wanting to hurt him but you are being dishonest and hurting yourself. Put you first.
Write him a letter indicating how you feel and then tell him that you will follow up with a phone call. That will give him time to process the situation and then you can talk about it. Or just let him know what you told us...that you've grown apart. He's a big boy, he can take it. It does not sound as if you want to travel to see him to dump him, so a letter or phone call should suffice.
You need to tell him its not working and he needs to do something to kick start it to work. If he is reluctant or won't listen than you dump him. It's easy if you're not married with kids. Just dump him if you aren't happy. Just do it tasteful and be nice about it. Don't make an enemy. Still be friends with him.
"It's almost like I wish he would go out and cheat on me or something." I hear you. What you're saying is, "I want to end this, and it would be relief if he gave me a really good reason."
What you would do well to understand is that you don't have to have a really good reason to break up. Pick one:
"This isn't really going anywhere."
"I don't think I'm right for you."
"We don't have a future that I can see."
"It's not you, it's me."
Come on, there must be, I don't know, 50 ways to leave your lover!
Honey, you are doing the man a favor. There are so many questions about people marrying someone they don't love. You're not doing that. Pat yourself on the back. You obviously are a good person because you don't want to hurt him. But it's the truth. You're not into this anymore. You deserve to be 100% happy and so does he. Just tell him that once and for all, cut it clean and go out and find the person who is going to make you happy. Good luck.
You made your point it's over for you> So just tell him> If possible you would like to remain friends> If he says no than By>>Being Happy is #1 so at 31 have some ed venture in your life> Been there done that>So break it off as the longer you take the harder it gets> The worse you will feel> Have nice day> Keep smiling>
4 1/2 years is a pretty decent chunk of time. I am imagining that there has to be something decent about him for you two to be together all that time. You may be bored with him and the lack of stuff you guys are doing, but the larger question is whether or not you see yourself with him for the long run. If you believe you could if only things were not so stale now... then it would be worth some effort to revive the relationship. If you don't see yourself with him long term... then it's time to move on...
Don't worry, a lot of people on here are teens also, except for me and a few others. LOL :-)
Long distance relationships are hard and it takes a whole lot of work to make it work, believe me, I have so been there and done that! Mine did not work out, because it was just too much work!!!!
He is ONLY your boyfriend, you have to do what is best for you and not him, I know this sounds cruel for me to say that you have to think about you and only you and not him, but the bottom line is, that we ALL do that, both men and women, it is hard to say, but after all has been said and done, in the long run, you feel better, and he is hurt, but he will get over it, and you can find your freedom and be yourself, the thing about having a boyfriend, is that breaking up is easier than a divorce.
I know it will be hard, but, honey, you sound miserable, and it is time to make yourself happy!!!!!
I can't tell you how much better you will feel after you do this, believe me, I have been there and done that!!!!
And in the end, I almost felt "emotionally cleansed".
You are the most important person in the world to you and you have to make yourself happy, no one else will, you have to make the decisions and you have to decide how and what is best for your life, and right now, you have to do this to make you happy!!!!
Do not think you are being selfish, both men and women do this too!!!!
Sounds like you already know the answer to your question, but need assurance that what you feel is the right thing. Tell him the long-distance thing isn't working and you have lost feelings. Like you said, you are a grown woman. You know exactly what you want. Go for it and good luck!
Breakup advice please...?
