I need ladies advice on how to breakup best possible way.?

Patti R · #1 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 01:45 PM

I am 29 and my ff is 43. we met 1.5 years ago and I moved in with her around 10 months ago. She is been into many relationships before but this is my first one. I lost my virginity to her. She is a great ff and everything is nice. Chemistry is great here. She told me that she never wanted to get married or have kids with any of her previous boyfriends but she wants that with me. she likes me so much that she wants to spend her life with me and asking me to get married and move on to do new things in life together. She is been talking like this for last couple of months and now started insisting me.

She asks me "Would you be happy to be my man" and I usually node my head reluctantly as I didn't want to disappoint her. All the love/marriage/kids talking come from her side and I usually say "YES" or node my head. She wants me to be crazy to marry her but I am not.

Now I want to do the right thing. I want to set her free so that she can find a man who is willing to marry her and give her all the happiness. I know it's going to break her heart and my heart so bad but I don't know what else to do. I feel she has experienced a lot things in life but I haven't and I want to do that too. At the same time my heart sinks when I think how the next person would treat her. I don't want her to be hurt again and end up with a jerk like me. Sometime I think to marry her and take care of her for rest of my life but then I won't be happy as I would have suppressed my desires.

I am confused as hell. I know I have to be honest with her. But I want to breakup with in such a way that she gets hurt minimum and don't loose trust in guys and doesn't hate me and heals fastest way after breakup. Ladies, please advice this JERK.

Beck · #2 (**permalink**) 07-12-2008, 01:45 PM

just tell her that you dint want to get married and have kids, tell her that you care about her and that's why you have to let her go, so she can be happy

bookluffer · #3 (**permalink**) 07-16-2008, 01:45 PM

Are you serious?!!!! There is no way to break up in a good way unless you both wanted to end the relationship!!!! if this isn't the case be ready for some tears and begging CZ that's all you re gonna see for about two hours. Lil

plg19632000 · #4 (**permalink**) 07-18-2008, 01:45 PM

That's a really tough situation. You need to sit her down and tell her you need to have a talk about your future.

Just be honest with her. Tell her that she has experienced so much of life, and that you haven't had a chance to yet. Tell her you love her, but you are not ready for kids and marriage, and so you have to let her go... Tell her that you probably will be ready in time, but it may be too late for her, and you don't want to hold her back. That the only reason you let this go on so long was out of love for her, and wanting to protect her.

Tell her that even though this is coming from you, it's breaking your heart too, and that she won't be an easy woman to get over.

✰ Rob ✰ · #5 (**permalink**) 07-21-2008, 01:45 PM

tell her what you just said you want to set her free and all that stuff

Please help me <3
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100121080936AAzgNnT

Dan W · #6 (**permalink**) 07-25-2008, 01:45 PM

At 29 you don't have that much left to experience. And you say you lost your virginity to her only 1.5 years ago? Why did it take you so long? If it took you that long to lose your virginity you're probably too shy or whatever to have that many more new experiences.
Go ahead and marry the girl if you love her. You'll have the new experiences of being a good husband and father. That will be an experience in itself.

jabberwocky685 · #7 (**permalink**) 07-26-2008, 01:45 PM

you are not a jerk. she is just moving to fast for you. she's already experienced alto in life that you have not. she must be able to understand this.
write down your feelings on paper. don't give it to her though, not a break up letter, but let her read what you are feeling before bringing it up.
she doesn't have kids at the age of 43, so why does she want them now? I don't understand.
i think you are a lovely person to care about her feelings so much.

aliciac517 · #8 (**permalink**) 07-30-2008, 01:45 PM

Don't feel bad. Just sit down with her, explain you don't want to get married and that you think you should maybe end things.

My mother is 46, her boyfriend is 31 and he wants to get married and have kids but she's been married 3x and has 4 kids and I'm the youngest [18] and she told him she just wants to be with him but doesn't want another marriage, and she feels she's too old for more children.
If you love her and want to be with her without children and marriage explain that... my mother did and they're happy and in love still. Just let her know if she wants those things she needs to find a man who does as well.

Honesty is very important. You don't want to settle down or do things you don't want or aren't ready for. If she loves you, she'll respect that.

Good luck.

Ryan Leigh · #9 (**permalink**) 08-01-2008, 01:45 PM

Tell her how you feel about the whole marriage and kid things. I could understand that you want to live your life before jumping into such a thing like that. Explain to her you don't have the same wants right now and that you want to experience life. Leave it up to her how it ends. Tell her you don't want the same things yet you don't want to hurt her. She may possibly understand and reconsider if she loves you as much as you obviously care...

Good luck

vintage doll · #10 (**permalink**) 08-04-2008, 01:45 PM

I dint think your a jerk CZ if you were you would lead this girl on a lot longer and not care how she felt and you wouldn't care about making sure not to hurt her feelings when you broke up with her. I think your doing the right thing you are so young you need to experience life. Just tell her that you love her and tell her how beautiful she is and that she makes you happy but that you aren't looking to get married because you are so young and that you want to break up with her because you want her to find a great guy who wants to get married and have kids.

will you please answer mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkaTJrEBPHP9dKEQ77VHxnLsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid =20100120190904AAiANO6

yayagirl · #11 (**permalink**) 08-09-2008, 01:45 PM

well, there has to be a perfect reason to break up with her. You have expressed beautifully here. I suggest you write down a much long letter explaining her why are you doing this with her.

Make her believe you honestly care for her in your written words.

While you are together after lunch or dinner, plead her to read the letter in front of you and you face the consequences. If you care for her truly, be with her for the next 12 hours or so (even if she asks you to leave her alone) and be with her and talk to her. You may start a new friendship with her the same day.

Both of you will be hurt, so you both need each others company. Then when she and you have calmed down at the situation, both of you might throw a breakup party (invite friends if you care to, the best way to tell people about your break up cheerfully with mutual consent) and move on as friends.

luvcoaster · #12 (**permalink**) 08-12-2008, 01:45 PM

okay.. say her that you will be for her like this and also say that you care for her. say that you don't want to marry now and want to wait for some years to marry.Also say her that you can't fulfill her needs as a husband and can't be a good father right now..promise her that you will care for her and encourage to marry a guy who can be correct for her.. no woman can bear this..but u should say so that u can be happy and also say all your feelings to her..your goals etc.. just make your way to say this matter and deal very carefully..apologies her for nodding your head all these days and also explain her that u did that becks she may feel happy in that moment..give some good gift and say all these.. good luck