Grieving breakup.. and need some advice/tips..?

Mr. Hotshot · #1 (**permalink**) 06-12-2009, 02:35 PM

I was with someone for 3 years who I thought I would spend my life with. I ended up leaving him because he was lying and when we split we were friends. I found out that I had to be tested for cancer but when I told him the next day he was already dating another girl. For a week worrying about cancer, I wanted him there to get me through my nerves. Luckily they found nothing. I guess Ive accepted we are over, but I thought by leaving him it would be easy. I don't get how you spend 3 yrs of your life with someone and then they get into another relationship and after week 2 telling her he loves her.. I guess I just need some tips of how to get through this.. its been about 3 months and it seems its not getting any easier..

Brittany L · #2 (**permalink**) 06-14-2009, 02:35 PM

Being friends with an ex is extremely difficult as you have found out. Its more than likely the new girl is a rebound thing and probably wont last long. It may have been hard for him to be there for you through your tough time as guys often think once a relationship has ended so has the emotional tie. It may not seem like it now but it will get better, you will find someone you can trust again.
Try having a night out just with the girls. Try enjoying your Independence again and take a new hobby to keep you busy, before you know it your going to be over him and enjoying single life.
Good luck

ReadyorNot · #3 (**permalink**) 06-15-2009, 02:35 PM

He is obviously on the rebound from you. He will never have a successful relationship until he properly recovers from what you had. If it is really over, go out and move on with your life. Hang out with friends. Spend time on yourself and pray and exercise and have fun. You will attract someone eventually that will value you and appreciate you. If it is not over in your heart, there is nothing wrong with finding closure with him. He still loves you and probably wants to get back together, but you need to figure out how to do things differently and to resolve problems effectively without breaking up. You need to figure out how to make it last the long haul.

Sing♥Dance♥Act · #4 (**permalink**) 06-19-2009, 02:35 PM

its not gonna be easy. specially if you loved him. he seems like jerk since he got over it so fast. but hey that's a guy. just breathe and take in the fact that your single. go out. party. meet new people. you should slowly get over him ND sometimes just being friends after that long of a relationship usually wont work and hes with someone else. ugh, jerk. but hey being friends could work ID. wort ha shot

wilsonk · #5 (**permalink**) 06-23-2009, 02:35 PM

I try to celebrate the small victories when I'm getting through a breakup. If you go 3 hours without thinking about him... give yourself a pat on the back. These moments will begin to add up and add up. It just takes time.

Sometimes couples give up things for each other. Maybe there are movies or t.v. shows you quit watching because he didn't like them... Now you can watch and do whatever you want... don't forget to have fun doing it!

D KING RAVI S :} · #6 (**permalink**) 06-27-2009, 02:35 PM

Glad to hear your tests were negative! That in it's self should have given you a new outlook on life. You said you broke up with him because he was lying. After 3 years if he couldn't tell you the truth then you did the right thing.
You can't base a relationship on falsehoods! It has to be all up front and honest to make it work. Trust is one of the elements of the foundation for a relationship. If there's not trust, there's no lasting good relationship anyway!
The best thing you can do for yourself is rediscover yourself again. You had to change a bit to please your ex and lost a bit of yourself in the process. It's common to feel a bit lost and at a loss over a break up but, just knowing that it couldn't have lasted anyway without trust should give you a since of self confidence knowing that you can still call the shots with your life.
Take this time and figure out what you want to do with your life. And what you really want in a guy so, the next time you won't go into a relationship blindly or based on looks or a bunch of smooth talking just to rip your heart out again.
This is an opportunity for you to reevaluate yourself, your desires and your priorities for your life so, don't waste it on thinking about what never would have worked out anyway!
So, put a smile on your face knowing that you are better off than his new girlfriend is at this point. She is either going to have to change him or put up with his deceiving behavior. Life is just to short to put up with lairs that you can't trust. And that goes for friends, business or relationships.
Take some classes on something you're interested in, start a new hobby or spend time with people that actually loves you enough to tell you the truth but, whatever you do don't lose any sleep over him. True love won't lie to you. Well, there could be an exception if you're over weight and you ask him if this dress makes you look fat. On his defense though he has to say no. You wouldn't want to hear the truth if he said "no I've seen you naked and the dress has nothing to do with it." Would you?

sadlilindian · #7 (**permalink**) 07-02-2009, 02:35 PM

Try changing your attitude.
You escaped from from a relationship with a man who obviously does not understand the meaning of love. Now you are free to find a man who does. Go out into the sunshine, give yourself a big hug and declare your freedom to the wind. Do this as many times as it takes until you realize that you are finally free to seek true love.