Breakup AdviceBreakups can be complicated emotional nightmares without support. From divorces to small time relationships, we cover it all. Don't ever feel that your situation will never let you be the same again until you seek advice through us.
I'm breaking up with my boyfriend. We love each other a lot but fight over the stupidest little things and can't seem to recover or make up easily from the smallest of disagreements. After 4 years, with our latest argument, It's gotten to the point (not having spoken to each other or slept in the same bed for over a week) where I offered to commit to counseling or let's just go our separate ways. He says he is ready for us to split completely. We live together so it will be a tough transition with him moving out within a couple of weeks. I have a few friends, many acquaintances, but for whatever reason, I don't really have close friends to confide in or turn to. I have to get through this myself. Thus, I'd like to keep myself busy and positive. Can you give suggestions on healthy things or fun things I can do to keep myself busy while I get through this sad time? I don't want to sit around feeling anxious. I gotta move forward and keep busy before I get depressed. Thanks.
your are not alone in this. I am going through exactly the same thing. 4 years, and now a week of nothing. I think we should just allow ourselves to grieve. I think it would be healthier just to grieve things out naturally, than to keep suppressing them. And hope that time will treat everything.
I agree with ox, that you have to go through the grieving process, it is best to have a family member or close friend to talk to, helping others is one of the best ways to keep your mind off your troubles.
First i Will like to say my heart goes out to u gal en u cant believe that I'm going through a similar thing but mine it some Wat very hurtful that IRS guys Cox my ex was recently get tin married.yeah ox is rite we should grieve but not forever.i cried en allowed myself to hurt for a week.now i saying I'm OK n believe u me i told myself that I'm not goin to dwell in this lifetime. So sweetheart for u to heat this pain back u just need to be positive and make peace with everythin, accept situations the way there are and im tellin by next week it wont hurt the same.
Keeping yourself occupied and positive is an excellent goal. I have a lot of advice about this on my site, breakup-coach.com, especially under the topic heading "break over".
But some initial suggestions for you:
* Exercise, exercise, exercise. It will improve your mood, help you sleep better, and improve your self-confidence/body image. Even walking 3-5 times a week can make a big difference. If you don't normally exercise, start small by just telling yourself you'll walk for 15 minutes and work your way up. If you're already active, try kicking it up a notch and/or changing your routine with a new activity.
*Learn something new. A sport, painting, cooking, whatever. Anything you've always wanted try? There's a national organization of knitting circles called Stitch n' Bitch with groups meeting locally to knit and talk/support one another in a relaxed, non-therapy, non-support group environment.
* Take a detox bath a few times a week: 2 cups Epsom salts and 2 cups baking soda--this is a great way of cleansing and literally helping your body get rid of old "stuff" and move on
* Do something good for someone else. Volunteer with an organization you believe in or check out Operation Beautiful, an grassroots movement of women supporting other women (see site below)
* Plan a dream vacation/trip. Preferably somewhere where your ex never would have wanted to go but that YOU would love. Do research for it on line. Talk to people who have been there/done that. Make a scrapbook for it, etc.
These are just a couple of quick suggestions. There's also a lot of advice on my site about how to make changes in your environment that will help you move on and celebrate your independence in a healthy, positive, empowering way. I wish you the best as you journey into this new chapter of your life. Just keep believing that there are better things ahead (because there are!)
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