Post-Breakup advice? Any advice appriciated :) ?

Ouija · #1 (**permalink**) 04-07-2008, 09:58 PM

Hey, I'm not 100% where I'm going with this but last time i collected my thoughts here and got advice it helped so why not

Ok the story in a nutshell, i was recently heartbroken and dumped by my two and a half year girlfriend (wow...over 4 months ago now...longer than i though). needless to say on m behalf there was alto of pain. We are both 21 now and started living together pretty much for the start of our relationship (however was knew each other before). Very close and did literally everything together but for whatever reasons she felt like she needed to be single. We ended up going to university together and have now broken up in our 2ND year. Anyways... I want us to be friends, i care for her very deeply because of the large amount of time we spent together and it just saddens AND SCARES me the prospect of losing somebody i care about/and who cares about me. All just because we are no longer a couple!? I don't want to just forget her and not see her again because she was so close to me, would be like losing my brother. Im not sure why i am so close to her, its because i dint open up to other people i think and me and her got on REALLY well and i felt comfortable telling her anything and she listened

I just dint know what to do i do not wanna not speak to her anymore cos i care about her and she makes me smile n stuff, what to do!?!?

I am also a bit pissed off that i did not try and convince her not to dump me!
Also its annoying i care about her so much because she annoys me alot, even when we were dating, i just put up with it then because i like her good sides, but now i dont bother dealin with tht stuff, just wish i could turn off my feelings for her sometimes, it cant be healthy for me

ANything?!?! Anyone?!?
screw u brian
Thanks grace & lisa, makes sense, i have told her and we agreed we should be friends, were fine when we are alone but 2 problems:

1. when other people (her friends) are about she acts weird (they hate me, and live with me ahahha)

2. We slept together since...a few times...we both still into eachother
Mia that is great advice thank you, and it has made me think about that differently...i agree with you sooo much but its proving hard to do

and about the me being depend on her thing...posted above mia's one, thts not right, she told me she was to dependent on me (she probs was) but i didnet mind it, i took better care of her than her shit friends ever have or will, whereas me ive always been a lone ranger, like to think that shemis the one losing out

Reva P · #2 (**permalink**) 04-08-2008, 09:58 PM

Breath.

Deepak Ahuja · #3 (**permalink**) 04-12-2008, 09:58 PM

put IT IN GODS HANDS.HE WILL GUIDE YOU TO HAPPINESS

oxygen4u4survive · #4 (**permalink**) 04-14-2008, 09:58 PM

go up to her and tell her that you think that you should both be friends, if she wants to be single then let her, ask her what she thinks about the both of you being best friends if you really were so close.

kc! :] · #5 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 09:58 PM

Talk to her. Tell her you still want to keep in contact. Tell her that you care about her and all that. If your honest with her then you can talk it through with her and you'll know where you can go from there. Just take some time to think first and then talk to her.

I sharpen · #6 (**permalink**) 04-18-2008, 09:58 PM

CALM DOWN!!! And i liked Brian's answer..... =( but anyway. back to this. Tell her how you feel. Just go up Twp her and tell her!!

sweet_princess · #7 (**permalink**) 04-19-2008, 09:58 PM

tell her all of this.. maybe not the convincing her not to break up with you part.. that wouldn't have worked once a girl has made up her mind it's hard to change it.. it's hard to be friends with your ex but time will change that... and the less time you are with her the easier it will be to get over her.. you prop think it's hard now but imagine if use were together all the time and had to get over her

Brendan_T · #8 (**permalink**) 04-22-2008, 09:58 PM

i think you shouldn't get to be her friend. let e rephrase it. i dint think you guys should be friends why you might ask well i broke up it my 1st ff and then i said something to her jokingly she got all mad at me and now we dint speak and she wanted to be friends with me in the first place. my 2ND ff she wanted to be friends again but treated me like poop. id ask her if it was okay to ask this girls out that she knows and she would blow off in my face and would talk smack about me to them like wt i don't do that but if you want me to i will. Seriously i dint think you should be friends with her unless you guys are really going to act like friends and not like just be like Oh hey and say bye after. Gotta hang out and chill ax with her once in a while just relax. if you think she ain't down then i dont think it will work but you can try and do this see what she does.

oldhag · #9 (**permalink**) 04-25-2008, 09:58 PM

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TALK TO HER !!!!!
girl can be confusing but they're less confusing when you let them verbalize whats inside their head .

Lindernator · #10 (**permalink**) 04-27-2008, 09:58 PM

She doesn't deserve you, you are too good for her and need someone else.

ranaatindersidhu · #11 (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 09:58 PM

Maybe she had to let you go because you were too reliant on her and she felt smothered. Pick your self up and act like the young man you should be. By the time you really find true lasting love you may have written this letter 20 times. Get off your backside and move on, There are SOpoony girls out there go out and enjoy your new found freedom. If you commit to one girl at your age you will regret it when your 30+ and should have gotten all the girls out of your system and be starting to settle and have a family. 21 is to young get over it, you don't want to friends you just want to be close enough to keep an eye on her, be honest.

Move on love and smile and good things will come.

UnderstandingLife · #12 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 09:58 PM

sorry. you think too much for a guy. your a bit of a wuss.
you just want her back and that's why you want to be friends. she knows that. she wants to get away from you and feels bad for you so she sleeps with you.
get over her. she does not want you.
grow up.
dint ask questions if you are not mature enough to handle answers

♥ Brown Eyed Girl ♥ · #13 (**permalink**) 05-09-2008, 09:58 PM

Well, you got it, you got it bad... ah aha.. just kidding...

You know, it's been four months now since she walked out your life. It's still new for someone who had had just a relationship for 2 years. I suggest that you chill, have fun, give your allotted time for yourself. See other ladies, and maybe you'll find someone better.

Someone who can return the feelings you can give.

However, if you are 100% sure that you still do love her and wants her back, you can try to talk with her, and tell her how you really (I mean really, really) feel.

yokehoi · #14 (**permalink**) 05-12-2008, 09:58 PM

Four months is not that long. Do you honestly think you could be friends with her? It doesn't sound like you have done the emotional healing to even entertain the thought of friendship. It sounds like what you are really trying to ask is How do I get over her? You spent two years of your young adult life with her and for that reason a huge part of who you are is likely wrapped up in your relationship with her. The easy thing to do would be to beg for her back and not move on. However, the hard (and best) thing to do is begin creating new experiences and memories outside of the relationship. Cut off contact for awhile and begin doing new different things. Push past your comfort zone and immerse yourself in your passions. Do you have any passion outside of that relationship? If not than now is the perfect time to begin exploring an entirely new side of who you are. In the midst of difficult change you must push past who you are to become the person you want to be. Good Luck! It's hard but you can do it and will emerge a better man.

And as for convincing her not to dump you..."If she was dumb enough to walk away from the relationship than you must be smart enough to let her go."