Miserable. Breakup. Advice please!

Lilly M · #1 (**permalink**) 12-19-2008, 08:34 AM

My long-term boyfriend recently ended our relationship because he felt that he wanted his independence. He was too stressed from having to worry about keeping me happy and just wanted to be alone. He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship for a really long time and I believe him. I, on the other hand, am absolutely miserable seeing as I did not see this coming. We are going back to college soon and I am worried about it because I've never been there without him. I want to talk to him because I feel better when I do. I am always anxious and I can never focus. He told me that he could probably see us getting back together but I don't want to rely on that. Anyone have any advice for dealing with heartbreak?? Should I call him? I want him to come back to me and I feel like the best way to do that is to stay out of his life completely. Is that true??Thanks!

Lisa · #2 (**permalink**) 12-19-2008, 11:38 AM

The best thing for you to do i give him the space he is asking for. When you are in a relationship with someone for a long time they become a huge part of your life and then suddenly when they leave it can be an extremly hard situation to handle. But giving people the space they ask for is important because if you don't you may push him further away. At this point your just going to have to have patience with him and wait until he comes around but after 3 months girl it's time to move on if nothing has changed. Since your in college join a group or try to make new friends in your classes go to study groups, be as involved as possible. It will allow you to concentrate on other things and spend less time thinking about him!!!wish you the best!

Tgregoryt · #3 (**permalink**) 12-20-2008, 02:15 AM

If he wants space you're going to have to give it to him. He may end up missing you more, he may end up leaving. Eitehr way, the worst thing you can do is to be more clingy - that will make him push you away harder.One thing you should do is keep in touch. By this I mean send him a letter or two every month letting him know 1) that you're still alive, 2) what you're doing, and 3) that you hope that he and his family are doing really well.You can throw in a"I miss those fun times we had together"line too, but do go too much deeper then that. If he writes a long letter about he misses you, you're back together. If not, just keep in touch, and date other men. It will take you some time before you are willing to date other men, but the pain will subside eventually.