I need some advice on a breakup situation?

Q j · #1 (**permalink**) 05-01-2009, 06:35 PM

My boyfriend is 35 and I'm 39 and we have been together for one and a half years now. Things have been great , but he just was deployed to Iraq around two months ago, but a few days ago he sent an email stating that he loved me and thought about me constantly but two people in his unit who were about to get to go home were killed and he just found out his time there had been extended and he didn't think it was fair to ask me to wait, and he didn't want me to have to deal with the possibility of him getting killed like his fellow soldiers. He said he just couldn't continue with the relationship for now but would love to see me again if I hadn't found anyone I was happy with when he got back. Also he said he didn't think I would cheat , but he still thought about it. How do I support him and let him know I love him and will wait for him. I thought at least I could write to him , and let him know I am there am love him even if he waits to contact me when he is home. Any suggestions?

Mental--Man · #2 (**permalink**) 05-06-2009, 06:35 PM

not sure

amir_09 · #3 (**permalink**) 05-11-2009, 06:35 PM

Well if he said that he couldn't continue the relationship, he's not really giving you a choice in the matter. I think it's commendable that you want to support him, but apparently he doesn't want your support right now.

If you think he might change his mind, you could try saying: "OK, I respect your decision. However, I'm willing to wait for you and support you...etc. etc....What do you think?"

If he still says he doesn't want to continue the relationship. It's time to look elsewhere and let him go.

auntkatie · #4 (**permalink**) 05-15-2009, 06:35 PM

OK here it goes from a Marine's stand point that has been in that situation. He doesn't want you to leave him-OK- he also doesn't want you to cheat on him. i think you know the dangers of his occupation before he was deployed. he's depressed right now. he was ready to come home and was thinking about it and you! his friends or brothers were just killed and on top of that he was just hit with them telling him he is having to stay longer. show him you are commit ed to him! write him back and say, look I'm here and I'll be here when you return just as you left, with you. truly a dear john letter is not what he needs. i had 35 marines in my platoon and went through this many times. many of those times i regret ed those men had to go through that with those women. there attitude changes. it hits them like a ton of bricks. i ask you to stay by his side. be strong. you will benefit from that. you have to invest into what you want- this is the time!

tmc · #5 (**permalink**) 05-17-2009, 06:35 PM

I wouldn't break up with him if you truly love him you'll wait, true love is a precious thing, and hard to come by so hold on to it as tightly as you can!

Unicornrider · #6 (**permalink**) 05-20-2009, 06:35 PM

the reason he`s telling you this is because he thinks it is what you want. email he back, tell him how you feel , tell him that your willing to wait for him and that you do love him and will not cheat no matter what situation. just let him know that your here for him and you will wait no matter how long it takes. good luck!

Briana · #7 (**permalink**) 05-23-2009, 06:35 PM

I think you should write back to him and express what you feel. He is going through a very hard time and the reason he wants to end it is because he doesn't want to cause you any more grief. I would write to him and tell him that you will wait and you will support him in everything because you love him as well.