Need breakup advice badly!!!!!?

Hi there, so to make a long breakup-story short, I dated my ex in high school for 2-2.5 years, we went to Italy together, talked about everything, the whole shebang - not without problems, but who isn't. So I moved to her school of choice 500 km away from home to be with her, (In September), and just this Jan. I caught her cheating, she lied, strung me along, and then I caught her again and she basically told me that she never wants to see or speak to me ever again, and that she'd be happy if that happened....

Aside from making me cry, I got the message and its been about a month or so since we've spoken. But I get really tense about the situation and have conflicting feelings - on one hand whenever I think I might see her I get butterflies (not the good kind) and I start to feel kinda sick ... on the other hand, sometimes I think about what she's done and it makes me disgusted with her actions and the way shes treated me - and the on the other hand, sometimes I really really want her back - and I feel like such an idiot for it but its true ...

Does anyone have any advice for me? Its pretty difficult to deal with this stuff, ... I dunno ... Maybe if you have your own story? Ive never gotten an apology from her for anything, so that kinda hurts too ...

I went through a break up six years ago that affected me greatly. Actually it ended up being life changing. I had been in the relationship for three years that was as full of highs and lows as what you'd find on the wildest roller coaster ride. One night after a particularly emotional exchange with my partner I had a dream and in this dream I saw myself as an old woman in a rocking chair with my partner making a quick stop by to wave at me and then he'd be gone. I'd continued to rock in that chair while my partner would enter and leave enter and leave. I woke from the dream and it hit me. If I stayed in the relationship, I would be spending the rest of my days waiting waiting waiting for time and attention and a relationship with him. I didn't want that and the dream was a wake-up call that led me to take action to end the relationship.

The feelings that you are having are part of the process of breaking away. Crying, sick to your stomach types of butterflies and then switching to wanting to see her, get back together, and then being disgusted with her, are all part of dealing with your pain and mourning your loss. It's actually a good sign that you are on your way to moving on.

It's highly unlikely that you will hear an apology or anything else from her ever but especially not now. Sometimes years later, out of the blue, people come back to make amends but it's nothing to hold out for.

Each day will get easier. I know for me, as the days went by I started to change. I had given a gift to myself by getting out of the relationship. I think you may eventually feel that also. It may take time and you will likely continue to run the gamut in terms of feelings in connection with her but over time your feelings toward her will level out. You may come to find you have a soft spot in your heart for her but at the same time know she is not the right person for you. You will realize that you want and need a real relationship where there is mutual respect and love. No relationship is perfect but what you've experienced with her is destructive and in no way a healthy choice for you. Good luck.