Shoud I leave my daughter's father?

I have been in a relationship (engaged) with my fiance for 4 years. We met 7 years ago & started dating very quickly. We were only 17 so neither of us were very mature, or I should say mature enough to handle a long-distance relationship (he lived an hour north of me). We dated for less than 6 months & then broke up mutually because the distance became a problem. Our relationship was barely a relationship, but we definitely were attracted to one another, but more on a crush level then.

Almost 3 years later after not talking or seeing each other we came across each other again & were pretty much friends with benefits for a year (he was my first). Everything was great, we were great. My parents & family didn't exactly approve of him though bc he came off as a bad boy & just had that look. & yes he was sort of a bad boy... he drank, partied, & smoked cigarettes & weed. & even though there are no excuses for those things (i drink, but have never smoked anything!) he was that one guy in a group of bad boys that was really a smart, sweet guy & I loved that.. that he could appear so strong, but was a good-hearted down to earth guy who just lost way because he became friends with the wrong crowd. In this time of being "friends with benefits" I became more & more in love & attracted to him & we loved being together. He always complimented me in front of his friends & acted proud to even be friends with me & that I showed him any attention. After a year of being friends with benefits, when I couldn't take it any longer, i told him i loved him. he told me he loved me too & then we became a couple. i was a waitress for a short time & prolly spent the majority of my money on gas to drive an hour to see him. At this time my parents were always down my throat about him & not knowing what he really wanted with me, but i ignored them bc i was so infatuated by him & felt we were really in love & that he cared about me.

It wasn't until a year later that i got pregnant with our daughter that my family started to like him & understand why i liked him bc he was there for me every minute of my labor. before this it was like everyone thought he was gonna leave me, even though they never really said it to my face. the first 3-4 months of our daughter's life he didn't pay for diapers & he barely helped me with her & he still went out with friends whenever he wanted. i was always alone with her & so tired. He told me he was afraid to handle her bc she was so tiny. But i still wished he would've helped me or at least held/watched her while i took a shower. Once our daughter got a lil bigger & less fragile he started paying more attention to her & holding her. Things were good despite all the time he would drink too much while out with friends or smoked weed... i never thought i'd be with someone who did that. i guess all this time i wanted to believe that he would eventually stop. it made me feel very guilty holding our daughter while they were smoking outside. i just didn't & still don't want it in my life or our daughter's.

A week before our daughter's 1st birthday, he got arrested for a DUI on his way home from fishing with friends. I was so mad at him, not knowing how it would affect us. He lost his license for a year & had to serve 3 days in jail & was put on probation. I hoped that this was finally his wake up call... but i was wrong. That summer he was drunk from the time he got up to the time he went to bed (or past out). It was all he thought about & this is when he 1st started raising his voice to me & put his hands on me. I was heartbroken remembering just a few months ago i was always proud to say we never argue & he never yelled at me or i never yelled at him. i couldn't believe we had come to this after such a great start. I guess i should have seen it coming, but i wanted to think that i was his one person who made him wanna be a better person. By the end of that summer I had left him about 3x (after he past out drunk) & stayed at his mom's or my mom's for 1-4 days. He would beg me to come home & that he would do whatever it takes, but he never stuck with it... until our last arguement that summer when i told him i had had enough & stayed at my mom's for almost a week. I didn't know what to believe & i started to wonder if i could trust him... mainly bc of the friends he has & knowing what they do & say behind their gf's backs. But again i wanted to believe that he was different.

This year (after almost 5 months of really slowing down on drinking & smoking) he got drunk at his brother's house & drove home & wrecked my car. He was arrested & charged with another DUI. He only had 1 month til his probation was over & he could get his license back. He is still on probation & he could face anywhere from 10-20 days or even 6 months (the max) in jail if the judge feels like it. I had to get a new car which now is costing us $200 more a month. We justed moved & he just got a raise.. & bc of what he did, it could all get taken away!

Some days i feel like we have a good relationship & other days i just wanna give up & leave. When we're good we're great & when we're bad its hell on earth. No matter how hard i try to keep calm even though im raging mad, he remains mad & refuses to see how much he's hurting me & our daughter by putting our way of life at risk. He has yelled at me & up in my face for stupid things & tries to make it out to be my fault & has pushed my up against the wall & squeezed me so tight i couldn't breath & grabbed my face once & grabbed my arm & left a small bruise. He did all this not until after i smacked him, but it was to defend myself. Then he yells at me for saying that, like im suppose to just lie there. When i say im leaving, he tells me i can't take our now almost 2-year-old daughter & tells her that im crazy.

Today he wouldn't give me my keys back after i asked for them bc i told him he wasn't allowed to drive w/o a license. He then asked me for $20 from the money that my grandmother sent me for gas to get to my college classes so he could buy beer for him & his friend, who i am not fond of. I repeatedly told him no & that that money was strictly for gas money so i could get to school. He got into my purse & grabbed my wallet & tried to get the money all while pushing me away so i couldn't get it from him. This really hurt me, knowing my own fiance was trying to steal my money right in front of me. I smacked him on the back of the head bc i had had enough & was determined not to let him leave with money that my grandmother gave me. He then turned around & called me names (yelling) & pushed very hard on my chest with 2 fingers where my heart is. I got away & told him i was leaving & he grabbed me again & squeezed me tightly & told me i wasn't leaving (usually this is when he starts acting bipolar.. yelling & calling me names & telling me to leave then telling me to stay & back & forth til i do stay bc i refuse to leave w/o our daughter). He is at a friend's house now (or so i think) prolly drunk & complaining about me. I saw him take my rear plates off my car before he left... i was gonna call the cops but then saw him slide the plated under the car (thinking he was slick) & went out & picked it up after he left.

Its now midnight i only want him to come back bc i have to be at school in the AM & he has to watch our daughter. I wanna leave & i don't wanna love him anymore bc i know i deserve better than this, but its so hard & theres soo many things keeping me from doing so that i feel i have no choice but to stay til after i graduate & get a job. I'm just so tired of feeling like i'm his mother instead of his fiance, friend, & lover. He's a great dad, but he still does things that could ruin our way of life & that she could hate him for when she's older. Idk what to do. I know i should leave, but how when i rely on him financially & hes paying for my new car & he won't let me leave with our daughter. I don't wanna get the cops involved bc it would just make things more complicated. I wanna believe i have the strength to leave him & for good (or until he REALLY changes), but the thought of sharing our daughter & finding out he was with another girl or worse finding out another girl was taking care of my daughter just tears me apart!

SORRY SO LONG... i needed a stress reliever & someone to read my story & hopefully give me the advice i'm looking for.