My daughter is 14 and she wants to date. HELP?

let her

You're against her dating because you're an Asian? That's an unfair reason. My neigh boors are Asian and they have a fifteen yea-old with a boyfriend. She is very responsible.

nothing wrong with dating
there is something wrong with braking Ur daughters heart with u and Ur husbands sturdiness

Honestly this may not be as big as a risk as it seems the boy is as young as she is . Keep a curfew and no closed doors in the house where they are. No sleepovers. Just basic stuff. Ask another parent what they would do in your situation

It's going to happen either way and it's up to you if you'll accept it or not. To be honest, if you don't allow her to, she won't feel like she can talk to you about sex, drugs, pregnancy, and the other scary things in life. I understand that cultural norms and tradition are important, but keeping a healthy line of communication with your kids is even more important.

OK I'm 14 turning 15 in June 2 and Ive been dating since like 4Th or 5Th grade.... lighten up a little. let her date even if you have to add some ground rules to their relationship to make you feel better. protecting a child is good but sometimes if there's 2 much protection and not enough freedom it will make the child go behind your back and your situation could get way worst. hope this helps

First the it would be best if she was 16 which is the legal age to have sex. Second she would probably be drinking if she didn't have the sense to do that. Third scare here about teen pregnancy and studs. But the most I'mportant thing would be to talk to the boys parents to see what his personality is like you could get this information through the school if you say that their is a risk.

Oh god, really? :L
My parents are exactly like you but they loosen up a little after awhile. Believe me, the best thing to do is compromise! Set some ground rules and curfews. Also set some punishment if your daughter fails to follow these rules.

And let her know that you will be there for her when she needs you. Trust me, she will need you when she's in a relationship!
Anyways, by letting her, it doesn't mean that you're losing your little girl if that's what you're afraid about. She'll still be your girl no matter what. And by letting her, it'll make her happier, you and your husband happier because she will no longer go behind your back like she did when she was younger. Also, it'll make her love you more and talk to you more. Really.

Just let her!

From one mother to another u r so right in telling her she can't date before she turns 18 due to the fact that she is as i was when i was her age. Just try what my mother did to me she showed me what happens to little girls who want to have boyfriends and want to just date. She rented a birthing video and made me watch it over and over until i no longer wanted to have a boyfriend let alone date. I put my head so far into the books that when it came out life had passed me by and I didn't have my first daughter until i was 27yrs old and my last at 29. After those two i want no more the pain was unbearable. Hope this works for u as well as it did for me if not tell her she has to get a job her own place and pay her own bills with no help from her parents until then she has to follow Ur rules as long as she live in Ur house!!! PERIOD!!!!!!!!

Ignore all these people with their anti-parents remarks.

The fact that you are Asian suggest that you part of that small percentage of people that still have moral values and a healthy way of thinking.

So my advice is: Spank her! Yes that's right. Show her the back of your hand, ground her, and make her think clear again. I'm sure her mind is polluted with all that Miley Cyrus and Britney crap.

So don't be afraid to show her who's the parent and who sets the rules! She won't thank you later, but at least she won't end up a lowlife with an alcohol addiction and 2 abortions .

I'm 15 years old and let me tell you this. When I ask my parents about something and they straight away tell me NO, I go and do it behind their backs because of how upset I get. However, when they tell me yes and they trust me about it, I feel bad if I did I something that I know is WRONG. And all I want to do is show them how responsible I can be and that they can continue to trust me.

What I'm saying is, you should trust your daughter. Have a close relationship with her. Be her best friend AND mother at the same time. That's how I am with my mother and I always feel bad when I do something behind her back. Sometimes, when I do something behind her back which doesn't often occur, I tell her later because of how guilty I feel. She doesn't get upset because I have been honest with her.

The fact that your daughter came up to you herself and asked you means that she's not scared of you which is a good thing. Some children don't love to talk or ask their parents about something which leads them to doing bad things behind their parents back.

Don't let that happen. Instead, have a talk with your daughter. Tell her what she should and shouldn't do in a relationship and if she agrees to what you're saying, then she can date. If she doesn't, then she should wait for a while.

You daughter just doesn't want to be different than all of her other friends. This is why she really wants to date and she's asking you if she could.

Good luck!

let her date. maybe u guys can level on something. tell her u would like to meet him. have there first date at Ur house dinner with the whole family. but do not question the boy to death or anything he will already be nerves snuff. just enjoy the food. then let them watch a movie in the liven room...alone that way they have a littler privacy and they r in Ur home so u r still in con troll. then later if things go OK let her date in public palaces like skate rink ...movies.... she is about be 15 if she really wants to be his ff and date she is going to and tell en her no will push her so it b better if u just go with it and make their first date in Ur place so u can meet the guy. face it...its going happen one way or another.

Congratulations on your efforts to shield your daughter from taking on too much too soon. It's normal for a girl her age to exhibit both mature and immature behavior. She's still going through the maturing process. I agree with you that 15 is too young to date. Statistically, the younger a young lady starts to date, the younger she begins to have sex. She needs time to understand herself, so that she can choose wisely.

If you allow her to start spending time with boys, it should be in your home. This gives the added advantage that you get to know the young man and get some idea as to his character. DO NOT allow her to go to a boy's house. It may seem cliched, but I found that the boys' moms did not chaperon effectively, and I even had one leave the house when she promised not to. Keep them there where you can keep an eye on things. If that works out, maybe you could agree to her dating earlier than the age 18 you have in mind. But you're the mom, and you're the best person to judge when she is ready. Don't let her (or any of the idiots on Y!A who will tell you you're wrong) bully you into doing it too early.

I agree with everything you said ; your daughter has decided to date because her peers in school are doing this. (It's unfortunate that the kids she looks up to and wants to emulate probably do not have parents as caring and protective as you are.) What to do? I suggest you have dinner with this boy's parents and get to know them first ; make sure that they have similar feelings about their son making mistakes regarding sex. If you keep close in sync with his parents, it will show this boy that both families are watching what he does with your daughter.

I actually understand where you're coming from, 'cause my parents feel exactly the same way. It actually took me a long time to understand that. In my opinion, I think you should let her try it. First talk to her about this guy and ask her if her feelings are real, and not just a crush, otherwise she'd end up heartbroken.

Second, ask if you can meet the guy. Invite him over to dinner and talk to him. Invite his parents as well. Get to know him. The guy could be a really nice guy.

The most important thing you need to talk to your daughter about is the sex part. Tell her that you are strictly against that bit, and if it should happen, you won't ever let her have a boyfriend again. Tell her in a calm way though, but get your point across. Show her she needs to be responsible enough, and explain exactly why you're against the sex bit. Also, you need to tell her she has to be open to you about this. If the boyfriend wants to, for example, tell her she can come to you for advice.

Anyways, the sex part tends to be more of a significant issue at 16 or 17. For now, I don't think sex is gonna be on either of their minds, especially if they're both new at the relationship thing.

I do agree with you..14 is young. I got into a relationship 2 years ago when I was 14, and it took me about a month to realize I didn't get my feelings straight. I confused a crush with true love. At 14, a crush easily clouds your judgment. You tend to think you're in love. This is why you should talk to your daughter, and tell her to first get her feelings straight, and maybe wait it out a few months, just to see if she's really in love. Same with the guy. If after a few months they still love each other and want the relationship, I think I can promise you it will last.

The crush/love issue is the only concern. Once that's settled, I think everything will be alright. If your daughter sees how much your trying to keep her happy while protecting her, she will really appreciate it.

I strongly suggest you don't fight endlessly over this. A teenager rebels even more when told they can't do what they want to. Of course, never just give in to a teenager either. Set a condition, or let them earn it. In this case, waiting it out a few months and showing they're being responsible about the whole thing is enough to "earn" it.

You and your daughter need to talk about this, and you also need to talk to the boy and his parents.

I hope all goes well!
Good luck. x

I wont be rude like some of the other people here!
But the key thing with your kids, no matter the age is trust!
You said she is responsible for her age which is a good start! Just learn to trust her but before anything else, meet this boy she likes. Meeting the boy comes with the trust of your child.
Trust is key just try it!
Good luck and God Bless!
-Kendra

I understand you were raised in a strict culture, and while you did?t have issues adhering to these rules I feel the same is not going to be the same for your daughter. Your daughter goes to school in a world where teens ?date? and she is going to question why she USN?t allowed to partake in a normal part of being a teen. If you make dating a forbidden fruit then she is going to go behind your back and that?s when mistakes are made.

If your argument is a cultural thing and you follow other parts of an Asian culture that are strict then you can play that card, but if you don?t and you just use the excuse that you are Asian then that USN?t really a sound argument.

I have a 14 year old sister and she is just starting to be interested in ?Dating?. She has a boyfriend. My parents have RULES for her that allow her to have a boyfriend, but still leaves them in control. She can go to the movies with her boyfriend, but one set of parents must be present in the theater (Doesn?t have to be the same movie), she USN?t allowed to get in a car with another student till she is 16 and a boy till she is 17(Prom Age). She can go to his sporting events IF she is with either our parents or his and she has to be home by nine. He is allowed to come to our house for events but she USN?t allowed at his.

Finding a common ground is key and coming up with a compromise that satisfies both parties is important as well. I will tell you, my parents raised me with a good set of morals and a strong sense of who I was. I dated as a teenager, I had a steady boyfriend for 2 years. I followed my parents rules and I wan?t tempted to have sex or stay out late, or drink. I moved on from the guy and did?t date again till I was 20 and now I am a few months from a wedding.