How can I help my friend with her loss over adoption?

Glenda · #1 (**permalink**) 12-23-2008, 06:40 PM

I've recently become approved to be a foster parent, and a friend of mine who was applying to adopt has been turned down. The problem is that I am not infertile, but choosing to foster, while she suffers fertility problems and is now unable to adopt. She is very hurt over this, and has started getting angry at me for'taking'foster kids when I can have my own, while she can't do either. I totally understand how hurt she is, but I need suggestions on how to help her.Sorry, I should add details: she was turned down for adoption due only to financial circumstances; she and her husband can provide for a child but apparently not to the liking of the government. She is very bitter over this.

Misty B · #2 (**permalink**) 12-29-2008, 02:03 PM

She needs to find out the exact reasons she cant adopt and find away to fix them or a way around them. Just remember with every law and rule there is a loop to get through. Thats really all you can do other than just be there for her. And maybe find ways to spend more time with her. Hope you figure it out! Good luck to both of you!

Vman 2040 · #3 (**permalink**) 01-16-2009, 08:20 AM

I am sorry to ask, but why was she turned down?I know that I would not get to adopt because I do not have stable finacial situation yet, and I am a male, and I don't have a place bigger than a 1 bed apt.The only reasons for being turned down is that she is not able to give a good home, she said she was homosexual, or that a child that is an age or race or other specific that she is not willing to accept.There are too many children in need to be adopted to have someone turned down with out good cause, and she should not take that out on you.

Britness · #4 (**permalink**) 05-18-2009, 01:44 PM

Best thing is to just be there for her and don't try to fuel her with any arguments.