How can I help a friend with this devastating problem?

Little Madam · #1 (**permalink**) 12-24-2008, 09:55 AM

They were married to a person who abused their children. The abuser is dead but the abuse lives on. Our friend is remarried to a wonderful woman now but the harrowing revelations keep emerging. They continue to be devastated. Is there anything I can do to help?

mary-jane · #2 (**permalink**) 01-04-2009, 05:40 PM

I think that the only thing you can do is to provide active listening for your friends. They sound like they are going through a very hard time and I think they just need to know that someone cares enough to listen and be there for them.

olympics junkie · #3 (**permalink**) 05-15-2009, 05:40 PM

The victim needs to find a counselor to work thru this devastating experience. Abuse affects more than just the person abused, also those surrounding them. Family therapy is as important as therapy for the direct victim.. Be available&supportive, but enoucrage her to seek professional help..

gotta luv da Li · #4 (**permalink**) 05-17-2009, 10:12 AM

Be a safe place for the family to seek support. Try not to be judgmental. Always remember that there once was something in the mother for the husband to love and there always will be love for the mother in the children regardless of all the other emotions and challenges they face. Sometimes that is the most difficult thing to reconcile for adults who were abused children. Don't feed the hate. It does not help. And, yes, definitely encourage family therapy. Serious abuse is not something ppl fully recover from on their own. It's impossible to have the objective perspective necessary to do so.