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How can I help my friend with advice for raising her child?
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Old 12-08-2008, 06:10 PM
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Slim Jim Slim Jim is offline
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Default How can I help my friend with advice for raising her child?

My best friend and I both have kids. Her son is very rebellious. However he's only 6. Furthermore, he's been in"retract"already. And he's only in Kindergarten.This is something I dont'know how to help her with. Please advise me...

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Old 12-08-2008, 07:30 PM
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Jennifer L Jennifer L is offline
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Well, I guarantee that this child's acting out didn't start at six. This problem was six years brewing and she needs to get a handle on it RIGHT NOW. It will only get worse if she doesn't.A big problem with kids acting out is because they've learned that acting out will get them what they wants. The behavior is reinforced. It starts with the two year old pitching a fit in the store because he/she doesn't get a candy bar. If the parent gives in to keep the child quiet, bingo!, we've now validated the behavior.So to start with, your friend needs to set reasonable limits and then enforce them with reasonable consequences. There should be expectations for behavior, for getting chores done, for picking up after himself. Even at 6, a child can put his dishes in the sink and empty the wastepaper baskets.But the limits and expectations mean nothing if there are no consequences for not following them. This can mean, early bedtime, losing toys or games, room time, anything that is a consistent and immediate response to the behavior.Consistecy is the key here. And if this boy has been used to running the roost, he WILL get worse before he gets better. He'll react to the new limits by trying to test them and see if she REALLY means it. Your friend needs to be ready for this and stick to her guns! If she gives in,it will be that much harder to get back in control.Meanwhile, if things are very much out of hand, an evaluation by a child psychologist might be in order to rule out psychiatric or physical causes to his problem. It's certainly possible, also.
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Old 12-08-2008, 08:36 PM
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Well, I guarantee that this child's acting out didn't start at six. This problem was six years brewing and she needs to get a handle on it RIGHT NOW. It will only get worse if she doesn't.A big problem with kids acting out is because they've learned that acting out will get them what they wants. The behavior is reinforced. It starts with the two year old pitching a fit in the store because he/she doesn't get a candy bar. If the parent gives in to keep the child quiet, bingo!, we've now validated the behavior.So to start with, your friend needs to set reasonable limits and then enforce them with reasonable consequences. There should be expectations for behavior, for getting chores done, for picking up after himself. Even at 6, a child can put his dishes in the sink and empty the wastepaper baskets.But the limits and expectations mean nothing if there are no consequences for not following them. This can mean, early bedtime, losing toys or games, room time, anything that is a consistent and immediate response to the behavior.Consistecy is the key here. And if this boy has been used to running the roost, he WILL get worse before he gets better. He'll react to the new limits by trying to test them and see if she REALLY means it. Your friend needs to be ready for this and stick to her guns! If she gives in,it will be that much harder to get back in control.Meanwhile, if things are very much out of hand, an evaluation by a child psychologist might be in order to rule out psychiatric or physical causes to his problem. It's certainly possible, also.
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Old 12-09-2008, 11:33 AM
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wylde95 wylde95 is offline
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I agree but I'm not going to copy and paste someone's answer. (isn't that against community guidelines? Oh well I'm not gonna report it)Anyway reward good behavior also. Positive reinforcement can help alot in cases like this. When he's good he get a treat, instead of just always time-out for being bad.So maybe he can earn"tickets"for doing chores, completing homework, a day with no(or few) temper tantrums, or other good deeds and when he gets enough tickets he gets more TV time or something else he likes. I got this Idea from another answer to another question.

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