What advice should I give my friend, she's getting married in 5 days?

darrigirl · #1 (**permalink**) 12-12-2008, 11:54 AM

She confided to me that she made out with a mutual guy friend last week and she's getting married this Friday. I just got married myself, 2 months ago and I can't imagine going into a marriage holding that secret. I'm not judging, there were times in my life that I was a big fat liar and cheater in relationships. But I know what carrying around secrets can do to you inside. Although she did just kiss the guy, probably a nervous reaction to getting tied down to one guy in 5 days. I'm 37, she is 27, and the guy she's is marrying is 40. So I don't want to put my over-concerns on her. But I'm not sure what to say. At this point in my life as result of my past mistakes, I tell my husband EVERYTHING, life is so much easier when there's nothing to hide. But I also know that what someone doesn't know won't hurt them. And if she told her soon to be husband, she would be doing it to relieve her own guilt, and could be causing undo heartache for everyone involved. Her soon to be husband is friends with this guy, and they're both friends with this other guys girlfriend. I'm getting upset about this cause I usually tell my husband everything, but she made me promise I wouldn't tell my husband, cause he's friends with her fiance too. (which is already putting a knot in my stomach) What advice should I give her? Tell her to blow it off as a nervous reaction to about to be with one guy the rest of her life? Or tell her if she wants any chance of a happy marriage, she should come clean and tell her soon to be husband now? Help?

oldmarine08 · #2 (**permalink**) 12-19-2008, 07:52 PM

My wife of now 16 years was 21 when I was 40, so what!

Jasmine · #3 (**permalink**) 12-22-2008, 05:48 AM

She needs to keep it to herself. That's the consequence of her action, the guilt. It will only hurt her fiance if she tells.

hipzncurvz · #4 (**permalink**) 12-24-2008, 03:38 AM

She asked you to keep something private between you and her that could tear her soon to be marriage apart. You are right, what he doesnt know, wont hurt him. Whose to say that he isnt nervous and has done the same thing. A kiss is just a kiss, if this was a continuous thing, then a red flag would be raised. Just be there for her and leave well enough alone. Its not yours to tell if she asked you not to....

picadilly · #5 (**permalink**) 05-18-2009, 03:56 AM

don't do it