I'm in love with a married woman and need advice ... Any Help?

Snowwhite · #1 (**permalink**) 07-12-2010, 08:28 AM

Let me explain the situation and how we met. We met at work and I repaired an item she brought in at the retail store. I gave her my card and told her to call me if she had any questions. She didn't call but came by the store to just browse. This led to a conversation and ultimately to us meeting a couple times a week. We didn't kiss until about a week after we had met and talked about her life and mine and what we all wanted in life. She is currently married and has one adopted child who is 10, but is very unhappy in her marriage. Her husband cheated on her and she hasn't been the same. That's why she opened up to me because i listened and respected her and what she wanted. Things started slow with meeting and just kissing and progressed to watching movies and going to dinner when he was out of town. I've now developed a relationship with the child and he really enjoys me being around. You're probably questioning does the hubby know I'm around when he's gone... The answer is yes but that he only thinks I'm there for the child and his football team. I help coach her son's team. Needless to say we progressed to have this connection between us and she has fallen for me and vice verse. She tells me that I have her heart and soul and she's so happy with me and wants to leave her husband. Only problem is the finances are not good on her end right now due to 2 mortgages and loans. She knows I'm here for her and I love her deeply.... She is just abiding her time until the finances are strait to where she can survive with her and the child. She's even mentioned wanting to eventually marry me because she has never felt this way in her entire life. We become sexually involved after 6 months of romancing and we both felt guilty at first. As time has passed we are now calling each other and are seeing each other when he is out of town and having a wonderful time. I feel as though I'm already married to her and She feels the same. We are so happy when we are together with the child and when we have are alone time, and we are sad when we can't be together. We both know that morally this isn't right but we are going on a year and a half of this romance that has blossomed into a true love that we can't stop. I know that once the finances turn and all we will be together and she will leave... we are both doing our parts to make it happen sooner. Bottom line is, the hubby and her don't sleep together, and realize that they love each other as friends, but aren't in love with each other. She is afraid to mention the affair due to the chance of losing the adopted child. This is the most confusing situation I've ever been a part of and need advice, true sincere advice. I love this woman more than anything in this world, and the child has become part of my life as well. What kind of advice is out there ? Anything? Thanks

Mr Joshua · #2 (**permalink**) 07-16-2010, 08:28 AM

if she will cheat with you,she will cheat on you

infusionismusic · #3 (**permalink**) 07-19-2010, 08:28 AM

If she truly wanted to leave the marriage she would have gone to a lawyer to figure things out (re the loans, mortgages and child). I think it is absolutely horrible of both of you to involve the child in this mess. After 1-1/2 years nothing has changed with her marital situation...time for her to sh*t or get off the pot and stop using the financial aspect as an excuse to stay. She has no reason to leave at this point...she has her marriage and you on the side.

bambamchica012 · #4 (**permalink**) 07-22-2010, 08:28 AM

I was in this situation, well kinda, I was married, unhappy, etc, no kids yet though and I left my husband for someone else, his friend, it just happened, and we have been married 15 years now, so I have nothing against this at all, you cant help who you fall in love with,

but for your situation, she needs to decide now what shes gonna do and quit stringing you along, how long are you going to have to wait? and then what if she changes her mind?
you need to tell her, are you gonna be with me ? or ?
no more waiting, its not fair for you, or the child neither, i bet the child is totally confused,

just be forward with her and say something like, I need to know what we are going to do, now is the time, etc, i understand the finance part, but if shes ready to leave, then she would,
good luck ! i hope it works out for you

Rhoda · #5 (**permalink**) 07-25-2010, 08:28 AM

Honestly.......you are in one hell of a mess.......
If this woman REALLY loves you, she would get out of her facade of a marriage NOW...
I am sure between the two of you working, you could figure out the finances...
You are taking a HUGE HUGE risk by continue to carry on with a MARRIED woman.........
First off.....you only know her side of the story....her husband may think things are completely fine between them and the truth is you don't know if they are sleeping together or not...you only have her word for it.

I would really think about this....
At the very least...put a deadline on how long you are willing to wait.....
This is no kind of life to be living......

Good Luck