How can I help my daughter? 13 years old and "in love"...?
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How can I help my daughter? 13 years old and "in love"...?
My daughter is 13, I know she is young to have a boyfriend, but this is where we are so your constructive help would be appreciated.
Anyways, she is 13 and he is 15, they are one grade apart in school and have been together for about a year. When it started, I thought it was simple and innocent enough. She had a boyfriend before that was in her grade and they just spent time talking on the phone and testing, maybe "hang out" every once in a while. So when this current boyfriend came around, I wasn't concerned. Also we had talked extensively about what it meant to have a relationship at her age and what not. So now a year later, she insists that she is "in love" with him and I know they are making out, we talk about sex and she tells me they are not having sex. She also has issues with bi-polar depression and cutting. She has been hospitalized twice and is now attending three therapy sessions a week. I have been talking to his mother about their relationship and my daughter's mental health and his whole family has been supportive. Last night pretty much out of the blue he texts her saying he can't do this anymore and that he thinks they would be better off if they broke up. His reasoning is that he loves her, but thinks they should learn to love themselves before continuing their relationship and that their relationship is making then grow up too fast. Although this seems reasonable to me, I hate seeing her in SO much pain. They talked on the phone for about and hour and decided to stay together for now, but to try to get together tonight to talk it through in person. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about their relationship at this point and part of me dreads them breaking up. Please share your thoughts and advice.
I would especially like to hear from parents of teens or even teens themselves.
Heartache is part of growing up. If she can work through this in a constructive way, she will be better off for it. She is lucky to have so much support, and she really can get through this with help.
Well I am 13 and dated a 15 year old not too long ago. It was and still is better off that I am not with him. He never actually loved me, but was using me. I personally think it would be better to date guys around her age. Maybe a year older, but no more. It would be different if he was a family friend or something like that.
I think your daughter should forget about him and move on. I understand it will be hard with her, but she needs to learn that there are many other guys, and there's one that's going to love her. Make sure to keeps an eye on her behavior and cutting.
Tell her that whoever she dates now will just be a blip in time compared to the rest of her life. The people she falls in love with as a teen, she probably won't even know five years from now.
You really should not let a 13 year old be in a relationship. Its not that she isn't ready but rather these 15 year old guys are only interested in 1 thing and that's sex! What could they possibly know about relationships to satisfy your daughter? Simply tell her to date when shes older because that's when you start to run into people who are truly mature to be in a relationship WI.
Teen years needs to be a time learning how to be a friend; learning how to think about how you affect the world around you. There's no need for them to stop being friends; but, you are the parent - not her friend, so ultimately, she needs to understand that respecting your wishes is in her best interest and will only help her become a healthy, responsible, independent adult. That is, after all, the ultimate goal in a healthy parent-child relationship. Is it possible for you to work with her therapists/counselors to encourage her to develop this relationship in a more healthy environment? Don't let them have "alone" time too much. They're still kids - not mini-adults - and, unfortunately, society feeds them a bunch of BS about how grown up they are - only doesn't give them all the facts about the consequences. It's too much fun being "in love."
How can I help my daughter? 13 years old and "in love"...?
