Here's what you do.
First off, you're going to need to get a hair sample from the person you want to ask you out. Not a giant clump of it--three or four strands will do. And whether or not you collect it yourself won't change the effectiveness of the spell, so if you have a friend who can get to their tender little scalp more easily than you can, don't be afraid to ask for help.
Once you have that you're going to want to prepare a mixture of your own saliva, cat urine, vodka, and liquid nitrogen. The quantity of the liquids doesn't really matter, so long as there's a fairly equal amount of all of them present in the mixture.
Next, light a candle and hold the mixture over the flame until it starts to smoke. Drop the hair in and recite: "Non crediting Te Cadette hock mu tum." It's a Latin command. You MUST speak the Latin command while standing in a bucket of eels under the full moon. If you don't, the spell will have the opposite effect and this person will be eternally repulsed by you.
After about a week, the person you're crushing out will come to his senses and ask you out. He won't be able to resist you!
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