I know it's the wrong section, but I love the advice I get here. Can someone give me insight about my MOM?

DanUK · #1 (**permalink**) 06-09-2010, 11:03 AM

My mom is in her early 50s and she and her boyfriend have been living together for about a year. My dad and mom divorced about 9 years ago. Well, my mom will ONLY do stuff with me, my sister, her friends, or anyone IF her boyfriend is busy.

She called me yesterday and said "John is having a guys poker night tomorrow, so I was wondering if you wanted to take Hayden to the park and get dinner with me after?" I committed to the plans a few hours later (my son LOVES the park and what Peggie lady doesn't like eating out? LOL!).

Anyways, the ONLY time she wants to hang out is when her boyfriend is unavailable for her. This just GRINDS ME! It's like, BE YOUR OWN PERSON! She does this with everyone. Should I say something to her? How can I get her to realize what she's doing? My sis, her friends, and I feel like we're just "back-up" plans.

Thoughts?
They've been dating for almost 3 years, so it's not that new. They've only been living together for 1 year.

kumonmahface · #2 (**permalink**) 06-10-2010, 11:03 AM

My dad and step mom have seen my girl about 4 times since she was born.. and shes 6 months old!! The bad part.. they live less than 5 minutes down the road!! And they only saw her because I had to stop by and she was with me. I would be happy you have someone who is willing to take your baby to the park. Ok threes my rant so someone who complains they have a mom who at least calls to go out with you and your child!

Your mom is selfish plain and simple and that is not going to change.. tell her it bothers you.

looneybin90 · #3 (**permalink**) 06-12-2010, 11:03 AM

Her relationship with her guy is still somewhat new to her. She always wants to be with her guy. My friends found that to be true when I first started dating my now husband. I have found that to be the way with my friends as well with each new relationship they had. I can see why she is like that, she was with your father for a long time. Just talk to her and tell her how it makes you feel. She might not even realize that she's sort of shunning people out to be with her guy.

KoAussie · #4 (**permalink**) 06-16-2010, 11:03 AM

I am very close with my mom and I do tell her when things bother me. I would let her know gently. Dont come across as angry, even if you are. Just say, "Mom, I dint know if it is my hormones or what, being pregnant but, I sometimes feel as a backup plan if (boyfriend ) is busy", "Should I feel that way?"

I think it will open her eyes, I am sure she doesn't mean to come across this way. She probably always asks when he has plans because she knows it is free time, also, you can try and ask her before, so she just makes the time. I am just a very up front person, so I just try and watch how I say things but, I always say things...

Good luck, its a tricky spot to be in.

bosnianpride · #5 (**permalink**) 06-17-2010, 11:03 AM

I think I would definitely say something to her about it. My Mom and I have that type of relationship though!

) We sort of tease each other about things like that, but know that we're sort of being serious in a way - if that makes sense!

If it were my Mom I would jokingly say "Geesh Mom - Am I always your back up?" and then explain to her that the only time she ever wants to hang out is when she doesn't have her boyfriend around. Keep it light and fun. Not like scolding her or anything, which I don't think you would do!

amber M · #6 (**permalink**) 06-22-2010, 11:03 AM

OMG my mom is the SAME way! It is SOpooritating! My mom has to have the world revolve around her. Everyone's scheduale revolves around hers. She only does things for others if it is convienent for HER, yet we are supposed to go out of our way to do something for her. She and my dad divourced about 8 years ago and this is her 4th boyfriend and she just moved in with him. Actually they built a house together. But it is the same with every guy. She depends on a man to make her happy and feel good about herself. She depends on a man to support her. She doesn't know how to be happy without a man. It's ridiculous!

I don't really have much advice on what to do, because in my situation it is pointless to "argue" with my mom or even approach her with any issue. I've learned in the past 2 things:

1) My mom is never wrong

and

2) My mom is never at fault for anything no matter what!

Obviously these 2 things are stipid, but this is how she sees it. It is 100% pointless to ever make a point at which she may be at fault or wrong, she will turn it around on me and somehow make an irrational arguement that I am at fault and I am being selfish etc.

So....if your mom is anything like that, you may know just aswell that its pointless to bring it up lol