I need relationship advice regarding love and trust?

andrewk323 · #1 (**permalink**) 12-07-2008, 06:59 PM

I need advice on whether trust can be re-earned, if it is deserved, or whether I'm just a fool in love. My boyfriend from high school and I reconnected after 20 years. He was casually seeing someone and chose to date me instead when we met. We had a good relationship for over a year. We started to have some problems, but nothing we couldn't necessarily work out. During a separation for a few days, he accidentally sent me a text message that said "I should have picked you to date instead of (me)". I was crushed. I was certain he intended the message for the woman he dated just previously to me. He lied and said he never sent the message, swore up and down it didn't come from him, and I really believed him (that's the fool part). Eventually he admitted it was to go to her, that he was feeling down about himself, and was attempting to make himself, and the girl that is still wanting him, to feel better. He apologized profusely and we are trying to make this relationship work. We love each other. My question is, how do I learn to trust him again?

augustbmc · #2 (**permalink**) 12-09-2008, 06:59 PM

crazypuppy111!@yahoo.com

Bailey Y · #3 (**permalink**) 12-14-2008, 06:59 PM

You don't "learn" to trust him. He earns it back. And I don't really think this is much of a trust issue; while he did lie, it seems as though the relationship at its foundation is just off. You need to sit him down and ask him why he wants to be with you. Tell him you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

Expert Realtor · #4 (**permalink**) 12-16-2008, 06:59 PM

You MUST start out as friends first.

Take the time to put your heart on a shelf, and let him PURSUE you. He needs to initiate the dates and get together. No sex, no intimacy, nothing.

You will need to take the time to assess the relationship and see if this is what you want!

~*PrInCeSs*~ · #5 (**permalink**) 12-17-2008, 06:59 PM

If he didn't do anything, and just had the urge, there is room to fix this. You just need to communicate better. Obviously something was really bothering him for him to want to send her a text. Instead of testing her, he should of talked it out with you first. You need to forgive him, before you can trust him, and then work from there. Just keep on communicating, and working out your issues as this issue passes.

gina r · #6 (**permalink**) 12-22-2008, 06:59 PM

Have you considered that maybe he was with this girl the day that happens and she knows about you and she sent you this text to upset you and separate you. And since he didn't want you to know that he was seeing her he had to lie at the moment and then admit it? Who knows, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life..
Blessings.

Kathleen K · #7 (**permalink**) 12-27-2008, 06:59 PM

It's a tough situation. You don't learn to trust others, but rather what they do to earn yours. It all deepens on what he does to prove he relay wants to be with you. Tell him if he doesn't want you nobody is forcing him. tell him you want him to be happy, but whatever he chooses, to choose wisely and to not play with your heart because it will hurt both of you. It's better to act that way, with the risk he might choose that other woman, rather to cling on a indecisive guy who doesn't know what he wants. Trust me! My friend is in this situation and I've never seen her in such pain never. I hope it helped and good luck.