I am in love with someone, but he recently became permanently disabled...I am torn, HELP!!!?

hurricane0808 · #1 (**permalink**) 01-08-2009, 07:49 PM

I am in love with this guy, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I don't want to be away from him anymore. I am 27 years old and I have known him since University. I have always loved him, but I was too blind to realize it. He felt the same way, he always gave me hints but I never took him seriously. None of us dated a lot during that time or after wards. We were okay being friends.. and we never needed anyone around us. He used to hang out at least twice a week, even though his job was very demanding, he always had time for me. Around last year I started to realized how I felt about him. However, in October he was involved in a terrible car accident, and as a result, he lost his left leg about the knee and became a T10 paraplegic. He has been very depressed, almost suicidal. It is impossible to talk to him, he is always in a terrible mood. I visit him at least once a week, and every time I go to his place he barely talks to me or kicks me out. I love him anyway.. of course it's hard, but I would never leave him, especially right now. I know he needs me, and even if he can't see it right now, I need him as well. I am planning on telling him I love him, but I am not sure about what to do. Will he freak out?, Will he think I pity him? -there is no way I would pity him, he is good looking, smart, has a successful business, etc-. What can I do?? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cool bleach fan 4596 · #2 (**permalink**) 01-11-2009, 07:49 PM

that's so sweet! only you can ask yourself if he will freak out,since you know him better. there is only one way to find out. tell him. [:

Major Tom · #3 (**permalink**) 01-14-2009, 07:49 PM

The last thing this guy needs is a relationship. Be there for him as his friend, but until he has dealt with his depression and trauma you shouldn't spring your feelings on him. He's under enough stress as it is. Maybe in the future you two will have something, but for now he really needs to focus on only himself.

Yazid H · #4 (**permalink**) 01-19-2009, 07:49 PM

For your good heart god will help you.pl. Convey your message to him through your near elder what else to do.

Karissa S · #5 (**permalink**) 01-20-2009, 07:49 PM

I think you should tell him. Absolutely not even close to the same thing, but my boyfriend was horribly depressed and was on the verge of being an alcoholic before we started dating. But once he asked me out and realized that I was also interested in him his depression became better (Not gone, just better) and he no longer drinks himself to oblivion six nights a week. Realizing there was something that he considered good in the world that loved him back made all the difference to him.

I can see how this wouldn't translate well to someone dealing with what your guy's dealing with. But I think it's worth a shot! I'd write him a love letter. And explain that you love him and you have ever since way before the accident. Don't say the accident made you realize how much you love him because that would sound like pity to me.

You and your love could help him through this situation if he lets it. Realizing that there's someone who loves him for him could be a real boost. He may reject you. He may suspect it's pity. But don't disappear if he rejects you. Just stay around and be his friend. Let him know that when he's ready, you'll still be there.