Need some advice - would love to hear answers from this section!?

ⓄⓇⒺⓄ · #1 (**permalink**) 07-15-2010, 08:50 PM

Also asked in the wedding section, but love the advice given in this section

I'll try to share this in as few words as possible. My husband and I offered his brother and fiance up to $1000 towards a honeymoon as our gift to them. They are currently over their heads with this wedding (which we told them not to go in to debt over) and just told us yesterday they want to use the money towards the wedding. Now, first off, I'm a little offended; that's not what we offered to help with. Secondly, my husband and I feel the honeymoon is more important. Should we just pay for a trip to Vegas (or a cruise or wherever) or should we just cut the money in half and give that to them as a gift to use as they please? We are willing to stretch ourselves a bit to give them a honeymoon, but not just towards the wedding venue, hence cutting the money in half. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

wvhunter94 · #2 (**permalink**) 07-17-2010, 08:50 PM

A gift should not be given to the recipient with strings attached. If there are stings attached it isn't really a "gift". You offered your BIL $1000. Give it to them and don't ask what they did with it. It's in appropriate.

Tim · #3 (**permalink**) 07-18-2010, 08:50 PM

Book a trip for their honeymoon.

Eduardo · #4 (**permalink**) 07-19-2010, 08:50 PM

if the wedding is more important to them than the honeymoon, then it's not a gift they'll value as much to have the money go towards the honeymoon rather than the wedding. isn't the point of a gift to make the recipient happy? I'd tell them to use it however they think best.

{katiepiee} · #5 (**permalink**) 07-22-2010, 08:50 PM

I agree with you in being upset that they don't want to spend it on the honeymoon. However, like the first poster said, gifts shouldn't be given with strings attached. I agree with that statement. So it looks like you have two choices. 1. Give them the $1000 no strings attached. 2. Set up and pay for the honeymoon - without handing them cash. If a honeymoon is the gift you want to give them, then that is the way it should probably be done.

Um, totally awesome of you either way. What an awesome sister in law you'll make. :-)

kelliep1777 · #6 (**permalink**) 07-24-2010, 08:50 PM

1. You may have offered the $1000 towards a honeymoon but they want to use it to pay for the wedding...hence this was a cash gift and could have been given as such for them to use as they needed.

2. You could have set up a honeymoon for them as a surprise gift and handed them the rest of the change for spending on the trip.

3. You could have taken them to a travel agent and set up something for them too. This way they would know that it was what you wanted them to have as a gift. Then if there was some left over give them that money for spending after the wedding and reception to take with them.

4. Next time you offer money for something maybe set up the honeymoon in advance so they can not spend the money in a way you do not want them too.

This is their wedding...their honeymoon.

Nicki L · #7 (**permalink**) 07-29-2010, 08:50 PM

I think you should not do anything you didn't plan on doing. A gift of a honeymoon should be done with vouchers for a cruise line or hotel. Obviously this couple is not smart with their money and that is not a good way to start a marriage. By giving them a cash gift or by giving more than you intended you are only enabling them to spend more. Oh now we have $1000 more so we can do such and such. Believe me, they aren't going to pay what they already booked. They will get more. So go with the vouchers so you know exactly where the money is going.

Kat V · #8 (**permalink**) 07-31-2010, 08:50 PM

If the wedding is that important to them I think you should give them the money for it. It's a very generous gift, but they should get to use it how they want to.

BKAYCHICKXDD · #9 (**permalink**) 08-02-2010, 08:50 PM

If they value the wedding more than the honeymoon then I think you should honor that. You have offered them $1000. As long as it doesn't go on crack, I thin kit would be theirs to do as they please.
If they want to use it towards the wedding, they should be able to.
If you are really set on paying for the honeymoon then give them half in cash and book a nice hotel for them for the weekend with the other half.
Money gifts are tricky sometimes but they should not come with strings attached if you wish to give them..

EmoMuffin T · #10 (**permalink**) 08-07-2010, 08:50 PM

Give the money to them after the wedding. Then they can decide what they want to do with it themselves.