LGBT: MY boyfriend is constantly breaking my hurt but I can't leave him due to how much I love him. Help?

Zoom Z · #1 (**permalink**) 02-05-2009, 09:08 PM

My boyfriend and I are both 33 year old gay men. We've been together for 11 years. He cheats on me and I have cheated on him a few times to get even, but it only made me feel worse. This relationship could have been so simple to manage but he rather make it difficult. Loving this man has given us nothing but arguments and scars from the two or three fist-fights we've had. Is this just a silly game that forces him to act like such a jerk. One minute he'd tell me loves me, the next minute he acts like I disgust him. I keep letting him back in my life. How can I explain myself. As painful as this relationship as been, I just can't be with another guy. I know what we got to do. He has to let me go and then I'll let go of him. Because it didn't work when I tried to let him go. No one will ever love him like I do. No matter how I think we can make this work, he always seem to let me know that this is useless. Whenever I try to walk away, he'd beg, cry and make promises just to keep my around. This is crazy. And what hurts me even more is that my mother lost her battle with cancer last month. The same night I found out my mom died, he was out there cheating on me. Where the hell was he when I needed him? Honestly, I'm too weak to leave him. What is the nastiest, most evil, heartless thing I can do to make him WANT to leave me instead? (Nothing illegal of course)

Rachel Jean · #2 (**permalink**) 02-10-2009, 09:08 PM

You may hate me for saying this-- break up for good. You need to get a new life to move on.

Why cheat on each other too much? It's not true love. It's like hate-love.

blakroze713 · #3 (**permalink**) 02-14-2009, 09:08 PM

I know everyone is going to tell you to leave him and move on. And I really want to say that because your relationship is so unhealthy. He cheats and now you cheat, it really does seem like your whole relationship has broken apart. If you or him really care about making this relationship work, the two of you really need to WORK on it to make it happen. If he is not mature enough to work this out, you really need to let go of this. In any case, there are tons of counselors out there. How about having a more spiritual life? many mundane things we do each day really make our lives miserable and make us do things like this. Enjoy with him the little things in life, go out more, go out camping one weekend with him, go out and have some ice cream... make him remember the days when the two of you fell in love with each other. But again, if the two of you are not mature enough to sit down and talk like grown men, and have the balls to forgive each other and start over you need to move on.

Trinitee · #4 (**permalink**) 02-15-2009, 09:08 PM

I was in an exact relationship like that nothing seemed to work until i thought if i was happy. Always put itself first. Guys come and go in life.. This is a sign that he's NT right for you. Break up with him and just see how you start feeling... It will hurt but eventually you'll think back wondering what you saw in him. Well whatever you do I wish u the best of luck

serena r · #5 (**permalink**) 02-19-2009, 09:08 PM

I'm with lord gaga there.. u guys aren't really in love with each other... u guys have been 2get her 4 eleven years... i think that u Gus are just 2 used to each other and are afraid to explore the unknown... u guys don't know what it is like to be without the other...u guys depend too much on the other in a sick way... u r both 2 clingy towards each other...

if u r truly happy living a lie, if u r happy with the way things r.. stay together... but if u r not... then leave.. don't rush into a relationship, just get out Terr, and try to find itself... but most importantly... learn to be self-sufficient..

Grand Rapids Girl · #6 (**permalink**) 02-22-2009, 09:08 PM

Make your plan and execute it. Let him come home to an empty house one day in the middle of the week. Leave you key on the kitchen table, that's the only farewell not he's going to need.

Honestly, fist fights?? After you've left him you should see a counselor or clergy or someone else along those lines. It's important because there is a significant risk that you will fall back in with another abusive man.

I hope you'll start a new life and make it a life of peace and love.