how can i stop being shallow............. seriously i'd love some advice.?

LisaHW · #1 (**permalink**) 12-11-2008, 10:45 PM

i honestly annoy myself. if I'm with a guy, i tend to get 'turned off' him easily... but usually when he gives me constant attention... i like it went they play a little hard to get and make me 'work' for their attention.
when there's CONSTANT looking, talking, calling, testing, flirting, being in my space etc i start to pick things out i hate about them then eventually don't want to be with them anymore. stupid things like wearing the same clothes all the time, real bad sense of style, dirty nails, visible wax in ears, quietness etc)

i know you might say it's just a really strong sense of Independence that i have?? but I'm sure there's some shallowness associated with the way i feel. I'm 18. do you think my attitudes will change? how can i change them? i don't think I've ever fallen in real love.

buzzbuzz · #2 (**permalink**) 12-12-2008, 10:45 PM

Women are considered deep because no one fathoms their depths - in reality woman is not even shallow.

LOCO · #3 (**permalink**) 12-15-2008, 10:45 PM

oh my god - its like reading about myself!! thank god Im not the only one with this problem!!! Im in the exact same boat as you - Im 33 though! Have a nice guy per suing me at the moment, hes got pretty much everything a woman would want in a guy, yet Im kind of like, ewe stop being so keen when I see a text from him and so on and Im finding REALLY stupid faults in him.. like he has a tiny tear in one of his shirts... he annoyed me when he told me he was hungry.... stupid STUPID stuff like that - if you get a decent answer to this question - please let me know!!
xx

OutcastOTL · #4 (**permalink**) 12-17-2008, 10:45 PM

I don't know if your examples are really shallow unless the amount of attention they're giving you really isn't all that bad. Everyone does get sick of people who never let up and give them space though, unless they love that kind of Klingon's.

If you really want to try to work on what you feel is being shallow you need to find a guy that you actually have strong feelings for and would like to hang on to when you date him. Once you've met a great guy, just try not to focus on those things. In fact, try to give him the same amount of attention. if you focus on caring about him and being happy it won't be as easy to focus on getting annoyed and disgusted with him.

What would be best though would be to find someone who isn't as clingy as your Rx's though.

Am I Pretty? · #5 (**permalink**) 12-18-2008, 10:45 PM

Right, the next guy you get together with, tell them what you've told us. You don't like to be overloaded with attention..

MEN THINK WOMEN LOVE ATTENTION, BUT SOME MYSELF INCLUDED DO NOT.

And also, if you are ending the relationship over silly things, no matter how trivial, he's not the right guy for you.

IF HE WAS, YOU WOULD WORK THOSE THINGS OUT AND OVERCOME THEM SUCCESSFULLY.

no b · #6 (**permalink**) 12-21-2008, 10:45 PM

Sorry read that wrong. To me it sounds like you're a little afraid of commitment. I'm not saying you're a player or something but to me it sounds like you're don't want to be pursued by just any guy, especially if that guy is too deep into the puppy love stage. There's nothing like feeling claustrophobic by a guy who should be nice enough. I do know how you feel by first person experience. Not that I want them to play hard to get because I'm not into games and if I have to even slightly fight for their attention, I deem them unworthy of it. But I think what you are saying is that you want them to be into you but also be their own person. There is nothing wrong with that. I agree that you should let the next guy who's into you know that.

I wouldn't say I've been "in love" but I've been in deep like but I always keep myself in check because I don't want them to feel the way I do when guys are "clingy" to me.
I think that if you do fall in love that might change you but at the same time, I'm pretty sure that someday when we are no longer able to make a guy feel that embarrassingly, stupidly, into us, we will then have a different attitude.