I need serious help. I love a girl but one thing doesnt let us be together. Please, advise me something?

lawrence b · #1 (**permalink**) 05-24-2010, 01:01 PM

People, i need serious help. Ill try to write all that stuff as short as I can.

I really love a girl from my school. We both are in 12Th grade, have lessons together. I like her for about one year or more. We are finishing our sh cool after 4 months and after summer I am going to study in England. So is she. There is a small chance that we will choose the same university, but that is really small chance.

Three weeks ago i told her everything because I could live in pain anymore . I told her that i like her. I didn't get an answer. Two weeks after that, one day she was angry. Then my friend (a girl) asked her why is she angry. And she answered that she is confused and doesn't know what to do. Because she doesn't want to be in relationship, because while studying she will want to have fun and not to feel guilty for that. ( After this I am thinking : I really love her and I would do anything for her, but I cannot do that. And those guys, she is going to "have fun" with, wont care about her. Life is so unfair). I feel really big pain in my heart. (anyway, she was thinking about that for two weeks, and maybe she is still thinking, so maybe she likes me a little). She is ignoring me right now. And
that friend of mine, said that my crush likes me as a person and doesn't want to hurt me.

All the year or more, i was dreaming that we will be together. I can not think about anything else. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant do my homework. This situation is killing me. I would make her the happiest girl in the world, i would always listen to her, talk to her, support her, i would be sad when she is sad and i would be happy when she is happy, i would never make her cry, i would make her life perfect. Thats how i love her. And when i sleep and see us together in dream, and then i wake up, i wanna die.

The point is that i dint want to give up. I will not surrender. I have to make her change my mind. Its not something like "i should win!" NO! It like "I love her and i need her, that's why i want to be with her". Actually, i was a shy guy, really simple, sensitive and soft. But this situation made become a lion. Now I am not afraid, I know that she is my biggest desire and I cannot live like that. I should change that. Actually, right now I am really afraid and sad.

BUT i dint know what to do. If I ignore her, nothings gonna happen. But if I will be too friendly, she will feel bad and she will think that I am still expecting for something and she will feel pressure (that's what my friend said).

So, people. What should I do? I know that I should try to forget that, but If you know what love is, then you will understand that I can not try to forget her, I will go through fire, but I wont stop. Yes, I should respect her wishes and not force her to like me or be with me. Please, dont say that i am too self confident but what i want to say is that... i know people, i know what most men want.. they wanna have fun, sex and so on... I am not that kind of guy, i only wanna love her and be together. And I dont think that she will find a guy like me. I dont want that anybody would make her feel unhappy. As I said, I am a shy and soft guy, you may think that i am rude when i say that she wont find a guy like me, but understand that i am in love and i am very confused and sad.

Please, advice me something

Thank you very much!

styx_fan05 · #2 (**permalink**) 05-26-2010, 01:01 PM

Women have veto power. If she said, "No", then move on. 12Th grade? Maybe it's cruel to say, but . . . NEXT! There is another girl out there for you.

earnhardtmama2000 · #3 (**permalink**) 05-28-2010, 01:01 PM

You may have started out loving her, but now you are "obsessing" about her. That is not healthy for you or her. Let her go and move on. Break all contact. It will take some time to be able to start thinking about looking for another love.

We all have been Thur the pain of loving someone who doesn't feel the same way. Someday, you will find someone special when the time is right. I didn't find mine until I was 47 years old.

Keep searching.

violet_saga · #4 (**permalink**) 06-01-2010, 01:01 PM

Yea you need to calm it down, you don't plan futures with someone if your not even together. Even if your together that only goes so far until you've been with another at least a few months. My guess is your young and dumb to relationships. Its sounds obvious she doesn't want to be with you but is to nice to just say to you gt away from me your are way to clingy and wussy acting and obviously emotionally unstable for me to be attracted to you. I won't say give up, but you need to take a step back and realize you two have no ties as it is and don't expect her to act like it BC you got obsessed on your end.

Brett M · #5 (**permalink**) 06-04-2010, 01:01 PM

no matter what you can only love her, but loving doesn't mean to force her to love you. she might be a little confused about love and all, just give her time and respect her decision. a lover never does something that causes pain to his love, no matter what, even it hurts him. you HUD try showing love in your actions, and try to convince her.

Dr Frank · #6 (**permalink**) 06-08-2010, 01:01 PM

Lessons in love are tough. I sincerely doubt this is your one and only soul-mate for life...it is a first infatuation (crush) so called because the intensity of feeling really can crush you. Sorry to say but this one is going nowhere... you can admire from afar if you like...but you need to make room for another.

Sorry, I know how intense feelings are in adolescence...the good news is you have build one more brick in your foundation....you are becoming and independent adult...the road is hard but the destination is only for the fit and strong.

Invisigoth · #7 (**permalink**) 06-10-2010, 01:01 PM

true love should never be something you have to convince the other person of.if its real,you will both feel it.even if there was something there,it still didn't mean enough to her to fight for it,did it?the fact she cant face you to tell you what she told her friend tells me she either thought she may care for you in that way,but realized she wants to be free to party and hookup instead of being tied down to one guy,and she now feels guilty for kinda leading you on.(which sounds like kinda what was happening)OR,she really meant what she told her friend and either doesn't want to hurt you,so shes avoiding you,or the whole thing is weirding her out.all i know is I'm a girl,OK,if ever i have pulled away from a guy,its because and ONLY BECOUSE I WASNT INTERESTED!!!I I WOULD NOT AVOID A GUY IF I WANTED HIM TO LIKE ME!(unless i was playing hard to get,and tht wld only be if he had hurt me,and i decided to make him prove it to me,make him work for my affection again.)from what you said,it doesnt sound like any of that has happenned.i really think she startyed to like you,but not enough to get serios,which in tht case,you dont want something you habve to force.or it has to be tht she really only wanted and was only interested as a friend.i am not her,nor have i seen you two interact.i cant presume to know what another person is thinking.all i can say is it doesnt sound like she is into you ;like you are into her.you seem like a very nice young,sensitive guy.i wish guys in the states were more like tht sometimes.i guess its considered macho here to say the oppsite of what a man realy wants,ands us girls are suppooseed to be able to decifer it.what they say,means oppsosite or something.anyways,any girl would be lucky to have a guy as romantic as you!save yourself for someone tht has the same attaraction to you,as you to her.life is too short to waste following someone who doesnt return ur affections.it hurts but you will get over her,and you will fall in love again.good luck!

sugarsugar · #8 (**permalink**) 06-13-2010, 01:01 PM

Well said James, I recently went through a similar situation your feelings and mine are very much one and the same.

All I've ever wanted was to have her in my life, so long have that been my greatest desire but my executions has always seemed somehow flawed.

I wish she would contact me even to just say "hi" if only she knew how much that would mean to me.She's very comforting to me in a special sorta way I wonder sometimes if she knows how much she means to me? I feel my emotions are maybe too much for her, so I need to give her- her space may be I need to give her a break.(but I don't want to)

If you met her you would know what I mean James, she's an absolute wonderful,adorable girl.

I hope and pray she gets over that mental block Cox I really,really,really NEED her in my life.

So my advice to you James is to go, go and get that girl of your dreams.

EDIT: @ pretty spoiled I understand what you're saying but I have faith and I will continue to hope & pray that one day soon she'll contact me.I love her too much, to wish for anything less.