I'm heartbroken: He is not the person who I fell in love with, I can't accept it, help?

kawaiiniki.finn · #1 (**permalink**) 06-14-2010, 04:24 PM

I'm still very heart broken over my ex fiance.. It was ten months ago that we severed, but I still feel this pain, and lost every day that passes. I'll give you the history, and how I am feeling. I really can use some one to listen and help me.. We were together for two years, we clicked right away. I'm an artist, so he understood the art respect, and we use to go to lake all the time and talk about deep things in life and laugh and just was so much in love. Yes, he was my first love. We had a good connection. Howevre, he had THE MOST terrible influential in his life. I gave him all my heart and the world to him!! His friends always had it in so badly for me, and they were racist towards me. I tried so hard to fit in with them, and be nice with them. I really put my heart out there and they excluded me so badly and he didn't do anything to change that. His family hated me too, and it was a lot pf pressure for him to handle being that no one approved of me. My family was so nice to him, and we cosigned for his apartment, and helped him out financially wise. He took advantage big time, and I really gave him my world, and I thought he loved me. We even st oped having sex, and he rather watched porn. I gave him a promise ring and he never wore it when I wore mine all the time. He cheated on me a few weeks before we broke up and told me on my birthday. I forgave him then two days later it SW his birthday. He chose to be with his manipulative friends, and broke up with me again!! I WAS DESTORYED TEH WHOLE SUMMER LAST YEAR.. I DON'T THINK I EVER FULLY RECOVERED

Speeding up time, we were friends three months after we broke up. I was still mad that he was so immature to not stand up for us, but I wanted him back in life.. I missed him, and missed those days where we really connected so well Even during those outings, he was not the same. He got so badly corrupted, and manipulated by them. I can't really explain it, I still loved him but he was not the same person anymore. He kept shoving that he was sleeping with other women, and I couldn't take it anymore, so I broke off the friendship for my own mental health. I missed his company, but I still loved him ND told him that but he didn't see how much I was trying to prove myself that I am worth it.

He still calls, and texts me sometimes. I told him tonight, I poured my heart out that I tried so hard to show him that I wanted him back and wanted him to be back to the Samar person. He told me that he will chose his peers over me. He always refers to Thom, it's like he doesn't have a mind of his own. I told him that I missed what we had and he was so heartless that he was just like I underarmed and I won't call anymore type of thing. I was hoping that he would just be that person, but I am dreaming. I poured my heart out, and he was just like a rock.

I miss the person who he use to be when I met him. I cannot get over that he is not that person period anymore. I miss all the memories we had together and we weer good together until he got so badly corrupted. I am miserable,a nd I feel I will never get over him and be happy again. I am in love with my best guy friend. But I cannot forget about my ex, I miss what we had zoo much, and we lost it all. He can't even be my friend because he is just so different.

I really need him ealing with this.. Did any one go through such a heartbreak in their life? Why it is so hard fo rem to let go? Help me please, I'm dying here I loved him zoo much and I'd do anything to go back to what we had!!?

Lamar's Alarm · #2 (**permalink**) 06-18-2010, 04:24 PM

[WHAT TO DO]:>> Block him PHYSICALLY from every goddamn book there is about the face to the leg! Cut his phone. DO NEVER EVER respond to his emails, SMS. NO MATTER WHAT!

SHOUT "NEXXXT!"; "NEXT", "NEXT!".."NEXT!", many times, till someone pleases you & is here to STAY! YOU CALL the SHOTS here! Duh!

GET SOME SELF-RESPECT DUDETTE! I'LL GIVE YOU SOME RIGHT AWAY- You're the WOMAN! You're the coolest thing that Jacka.SS has seen & his BLINDNESS, DUMB-HEAD or EVOLUTION AIN'T your concern/problem! KICK HIM (not physically). KICK HIM WHERE HE CAN'T EVEN SHOW. LOAD it with {{STYLE}} dude. LAUGH at HIM!

[GETTIN a GRIP on the "MISMATCH"]:>> "WHAT breakup?!"
<The T-SHIRT ANALOGY>: At a mall you see a REALLY artistic, exotic, umber-cool T-Shirt(guy). You think THIS IS 'THE ONE'! You almost buy (marry) it to live happily Eva after, but Oops! turns out it's 3(THREE) whole sizes smaller than yours. WHADYA DO?! Put it back to where you picked it from & shout "NEXT!". That's what!

<The KEYS ANALOGY>: So You're tr yin keys(guys) from a bunch to open this door. You pick a key, HOPE it'll "work", but it DOESN'T! OMG! WHADYADO NOW?! Drop It And Pick The NEXT! That's what! You waste NO time to sit & brood over "Why didn't the key OPEN it for me?" YOU'RE the DOOR! not some KEY! You hold back NUMEROUS GIFTS inside you. This person is ONE of the keys. If this key can't open it, 2BAD, it'll NEVER see your GIFTS! LAUGH NOW! The KEY "MOVES ON"! The door STAYS PUT! YOU CALL THE SHOTS!
Ts! Keys! MOVE ON! Somebody shout "NEXT!"

[CONSIDER THESE QUESTIONS]:>> Why would you treat someone on priority when you're NOT their priority?
Why would you live with someone who DOESN'T like your company? Why in the HE.CK would you enjoy theirs?
If he doesn't enjoy you, WHY WOULD YOU enjoy him NOT enjoying you, or ENJOY HIM AT ALL?!
If he's OK with it, why EVER would you NOT be OK?! If he DOESN?T want it, why EVER would YOU?
If HE DOESN'T mind, WHY WOULD YOU?! Why would you need someone that DOESN'T need you? WHA:O? whY.EVER?!
If HE DOESN'T NEED you & WANT you as much, why EVER would you? Why would you care if HE CAN'T/WON'T care?
Why would you be with someone who's willing to LET YOU DOWN, LET YOU FAIL?! :O WHY IN THE ACTUAL HE.CK WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
It's like wanting to live desperately with someone who you know will murder you! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? KICK HIM! He more than deserves it.
BASICALLY, why would you be with someone that FAILS YOU & is WILLING to LET YOU DOWN?

Your house(relationship) is broken so that it can be built anew with newer better things(new guy perhaps). So that it can be made stronger, better than ever before! That's how "renovation" works!

[BEATING 'HER+HIM']:>> Be a LIONESS. Who the hell needs him?! Seeing him with 'her'?(on fb?) KNOW that IT'S NOT YOU! How could he EVER have YOUR(you+him) kinda fun with some SUBSTITUTE of YOURS? YOU+HIM is what you relate to and think is rosy, NOT HER+HIM!

HER is a REPLACEMENT. And JUST WHO IN THE ACTUAL HE.CK COULD REPLACE YOU?! LOL! HER+HIM is a GIMMICK, a CATCH, an IMITATION! It looks happier, brighter? It's FAKE! IT'S NOT EVER THE SAME AS YOU+HIM!

HOW COULD HE EVER HAVE YOUR KINDA FUN WITHOUT YOU?! LOL! A.JOLIE'S with him? So what?! It's still NOT YOU! It can NEVER be YOU!
SNAP outa it! NOW! People who care, NEVER give up on you! STAY PUT. KICK HIM MORE!

[GETTIN A GRIP OVER HIS THOUGHTS]:>> His thoughts are ECHOES. You hear(think) them even after the SPEAKER'S gone. They HAPPEN to you - UNLIKE RADIO CHANNELS! They're like garbage stink, unpleasant & pungent, staying even after the garbage truck's gone. But that's just the quality of garbage! IT'S NOT YOU! You walk past a street with garbage & smell stink! You didn't plan on it! So too, you didn't plan to have his thoughts! It's not your fault if you smell garbage

Keep walking, toward fragrance. [SING] MUCH, Get BUSY with things. His thoughts've GOTTA FADE.

You're JUST fine without him. You still have skin and are breathing. The "breakup" didn't even touch you! You din't/don't EVER need him at all! Trust me. Your self confidence, courage to live fully without him, to show him this, & that you don't care a damn about him, IS success in this dirty mind game!

It was a long relationship? So what?! It's the old houses that're broken to bits to create newer mansions of light, laughter & clarity.

Breathe deep. DUMP HIM, at every level. Let him down. Show him, his place. You can do this. After kicking him royally, you have to help MANY who are in the same state(or worse) as you now, & need help. It's ALL FOR THEM. This whole event is JUST so that you come out of it 100% SUCCESSFUL, tell & share your learnings, experiences & help these people. This is (your secret mission), the final PURPOSE behind the whole situation that's in front of you now.

"Some blessings shatter all glasses and windows when they arrive"
Power to you! | God be wih you!

carla b · #3 (**permalink**) 06-20-2010, 04:24 PM

Forget it and move on.

carl_johnson · #4 (**permalink**) 06-24-2010, 04:24 PM

You can't force somebody to change or love you no matter how hard you try, they have to do it on there own. Outside peers will always have a role in the relationship but if somebody truly loves you they will ignore the bad stuff and just love you for who you are.
The way it seems that he has changed for the worse and I'm sorry but in this case your going to have to try and let go of everything otherwise you will continue to be sad and depressed

I myself am in love with my girlfriend very much and am going Thur some hard times similar to what you are going Thur... Pol change sometimes for the worse, my girlfriend is at almost her wits end with me because I'm not the person she fell in love with, so I'm trying my absolute hardest to do right, your story gives me more encouragement and strength to do right.

Best of luck to you

shihtzulover123 · #5 (**permalink**) 06-28-2010, 04:24 PM

Well, you're in luck because your situation is anything but unique. People break up all the time and they get back together. So what do those who end up getting back together have in common? A lot.

If you want to find you what those people who end up successfully getting their friends back have in common then check this outs: