Freedom or love? Stuck between following my dreams or choosing my fiance. Please help!!?

So, you can't see yourself doing what you want to fulfill with your life because of someone Else's wants to control how you live?

You have a choice to make, marriage or your career and only you can make that decision. If he will not compromise in any way, you need to decide which of these two things is more important to you, not just right now but the impact this decision will have later on in your life. Also consider that he is the type of many who will not compromise on something that means so much to you, so how many things will have to be done 'his way' throughout your life?

The other alternative is you could choose to marry much later in life and have kids then but first have your career and travel etc.

What must you do to start your own business? What are you waiting for?
Do you want children? Your 24 now is the time.
Being married is better than being alone. Children are a blessing.
When do you plan to marry?
Good luck

Move on. You may have regrets to leave him, but trust me, since he is so insistent on this, and since this is FUNDAMENTALLY who you are, you have no choice but to leave. I guarantee you will feel stifled and ready to chew your arm off by the time you are married for five years. He does not really love who you are - he loves an image of you.

It would be one thing for him to have a preference and to work with you. He INSISTS on it being his way. Surely there is a woman for him whose dream it is to stay home and be a wife and mom. That would not be you.

hm mm. if you truly loved loved this guy you would want marriage, kids and home life with HIM.
you no this will not full fill you as a person tho. he sounds a bit selfish to me, but i think he knows you really cant have it all... i would tell him truthfully what you REALLY want and let him decide between you and his own dream. good luck.

I know two people who were in a similar position and they really really loved each other. She followed her dream and he stayed behind they kept in contact through Internet and visiting AC other when possible, even though she was half way around the world, what I'm saying is that love can wait if its meant to be. I think you should follow your dreams, if you don't you might blame your boyfriend one day and you don't want to feel negative emotions towards someone you've loved this much? Discuss this with your boyfriend... You dint HAVE to get married now, but at the end of the day it is up to you and you have to live with the decisions you've made.

He does not love you, he wants to control you and this will eat you up and the marriage will not work. Just because you have been with someone for years and think you are in love does not mean it will work, you can tell because you are worried about it!!

You should never let anyone tell you as an adult what to do we are not back in the 1930s if he wants a stay home wife then find one, he can not change you and you can not change him. He will always be like this no matter how much you want to believe he will change his mind or forget about it. You have two different ideals and images of the future and I do not even see equal ground!!

If you have what it takes for business then you have to make the hard decisions, its either career and travel or wife and house wife your choice I do not see an alternative if he feels you can have all the fun when you are single.

I know what I would do, I would leave as this man does not understand who I am at all so find someone who does!!

This is a problem! He's trying to control you and eventually you will resent him for it you need to give him an ultimatum and if he is all them mice things you said about him then he will get the picture and respect your wishes! Xx

He sounds a complete idiot and you sound a bit retarded to be considering what to do? To any level headed person the think to do would be obvious. But just for you I would suggest you do one of two things....

1. DUMP HIM - tell him he can't control you and if he really loved you he would want you to follow your dreams and be truly happy.

2. Marry the pathetic controlling loser and when he's out at work every day you could start your own escorting business and have men coming round while your husband is at work so he wouldn't be none the wiser. By doing this you will have a sense of following a career, earn lots of money and when you eventually realize what a complete waste of space your pathetic controlling husband really is you can dump him then and will have enough saved up to buy your own house.

If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. And my question to you would be, how can he love you if he does not 'get' you? How could someone that loved you not support your dreams? No one that loved you would ask you to set aside your dreams for theirs...and make no mistake, that is exactly what's happening here. That 'stay at home mom' is HIS dream. He can find it with someone else, but not with you and you obviously can't find your dreams with him. He's a great guy, to be sure, but not the guy for you.

His end is not love, it's control. To me this is a HUGE RED FLAG. I would never want a spouse who thinks it's his way or no way. That's not marriage, that's jail.

I have been married for 23 years. My husband has not ever tried to control me and I have not tried to control him - we are equal partners and make decisions together. He is a wonderful and very supportive man - he treats me with respect and respects my skills and input (and I do the same for him).

I did stay home when the kids were little (I had a career for 6+ years before this) because we decided this was best and I wanted to stay home. I started back to work part-time when the youngest entered school and now work in my field as they are teens (my oldest is about to be 18). I actually am still able to work and be there for them 100%. I am ever so glad I raised them as we all benefited more than words can express.

I would not allow my spouse to control me - again, that is not marriage!

you have to follow your dreams and be your own person and like i tell my girls always have your own money and never depend on only your husband to provide for you. you should always be prepared cause you never want him to control you and never say if it wasn't for him you would have anything cause you did mention he is rich cause nobody knows the future young and in love but sometimes problems may occur and you do not want to be in a position that you cant fend for your self. but then again you have to respect his wishes to he wants a family , kids.And all so i would talk to him tell him want you always dreamed of and now a day's there are a lot of women that have there family life and a business. so if he respect you he will understand want you want also out of life better make him understand now not when you get married and then end up divorcing him cause he wants to control your life you are your own person nobody has the right to control you always remember that.And if he loves and respects you he will help you follow your dreams not only his and if you do decide to marry him start you business now before you get married and have kids a lot easier before the kids come along. Good luck

Good to hear this that YOU have found a right person with so many good qualities. It's very hard to find such a person in today's world. I had similar dreams like yours and that's Hy I know what it is to stay at home and be a housewife. Honestly, I faced a similar situation. I married a person who had certain good qualities and I married him. The only difference is that my husband did not tell me that he won't allow me to work after marriage. But it came out later that he wants a house wife whereas I was a career woman. But due to increase pressure and regular fights I had to give up and be a house wife which I had dreaded to be. I like to work and do something creative. But all my talents were locked up once I got married.

It's been a decade now and It 's just getting frustrating for me when I see my colleagues and friends excelling in their career's and doing a good job handling work, home and kids. I have a daughter who is so depend ant on me now that whenever I go out she doesn't want to do anything on her own. So, looking at my experience I would say all the good things in a person feels really good when you are not married. Once you are married Love takes a back seat in everyday life and household work becomes a routine and one point of time it gets so frustrating that all the love is replaced with problems. this is my personal experience. If an educated woman especially who is Carree oriented like you cannot just stay back as a housewife.

Things get so boring that sometimes there Will be thoughts like what did I do with my life. I have just wasted my life just cleaning and cooking and taking care of kids. Taking care of kids is not a waste of time but once kids go to school and they get busy with their studies and extra activities life seems to be so dull. Instead It's better to be busy yourself and do something creative and challenging and set a good example for the kids.

and this is 21st century where there are rarely any women staying at home. I agree to all the security and love you get from your fiance. But Life is completely different once you get married. So, give it a thought and finally your decision is more valuable . People can just suggest you. This world needs some talents like you to do something in their life. Maybe certain decisions can be very harsh but you should think in a long term basis. I can understand your feelings because I had gone through the same thing years ago.and today i feel I want to erase all the years that i did not do anything just been a housewife that's it. Anyways It's your call. I believe any women feels secure when she has her source of living. I feel he has his on ways and want you to follow it. And he doesn't care about what you think you should do. If he truly loves you he will let you do what you want in your career and not stop you. He is trying to dominate you. I have faced it I feel I should help people who are about to commit similar mistake.

Everybody here has good answers. You're really in a tough spot CZ you got an "ultimatum". But if you really love this guy, you should sit him down and tell him upfront you will not let him control you during the marriage. You will get your answer then. If he gets mad and says the marriage will be the way he wants it to be, then so be it. Make your decision then. If he tells you, OK, I will be "equal and fair", then talk to him and you both tell each other what it is y'all want from this marriage. If only everyone did this BEFORE they get married CZ they usually don't find out til after the marriage and regret it. If this guy really loves you, he will listen to you and make compromises. But come to think of this...When a woman has a baby, they tend to decide they want to stay home and be with their babies and raise them (usually CZ they don't want their babies thinking someone else is their mommy). You may decide you DO want to stay home with your baby AFTER you give birth. So the best thing to do is talk to him, and see if he can compromise with you. If he says, no, then I think you've got your answer. Congratulations but I hope this works out the way you want it to. Good luck, sweetie!

If he really loved you he'd let you pursue your dreams, even after marriage - and support you all of the way. Sorry, but this guy sounds like a 'controller' - don't get caught out!

If you go ahead with what he wants, you will end up feeling resentful and that will cause untold damage to your marriage.