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My boyfriend of a year and a half, who I have lived with all along has Friday's off while I work so he usually stays up and plays video games on Thursday nights. Last Thursday I couldn't sleep so I went out to the living room and he had something up on his phone that he blatantly hid from me and obviously did not want me to see. Usually I would drop it, but it really bothered me this time so I nagged him for a few days and could tell that he was lying when he told me that he couldn't remember and "why would i risk a year and a half by doing something stupid."
It got to a point where the thought of it was consuming me, I just had this gut feeling so I logged into his e-mail on Monday(I know.. wrong!)I then discovered that he had been a member of 2 fetish websites, had a secret e-mail address, and even had Craig's list ads for sex partners! My immediate reaction was to pack all of my stuff into my vehicle. My boyfriend immediately left work and came home pleading that he couldn't lose me and how much he loved me. He claimed he never would have done anything physical or met anyone in real life, it was just a fantasy.I read through so many things on these websites and he had been speaking to at least one girl for many months and always told her how he wanted to cuddle with her, wished she had lived closer, he wanted to kiss her, wanted to have sex with her, and that he even wanted to take her camping with him, which is what we do together.
I think what hurts me the most is that he cheated on me emotionally. I decided to stay with him, but it's been a couple of days and I can't even look at him. Our relationship will never be the same because I feel like he is always thinking about these other girls. I just don't get how a guy can tell a girl that he's never met that he wants to cuddle with her while his girlfriend is sleeping in his bed. HELLO! Go to bed and cuddle with your girlfriend. I can't have sex with him because I feel that he is just pretending that I'm one of his fantasy girls. I even cried when he told me that I was beautiful because it pretty much completely loses it's meaning when he posted on hundreds of girls' pictures online how beautiful they are. Also, I find meeting people online to be incredibly trashy (no offense to anyone who had done so) it's just how I was raised and my boyfriend knew how much I hate it.
This may seem trivial to some because he didn't physically cheat on me, but I have zero tolerance feelings towards cheating and I'm just hurt that he can tell me he loves me when he clearly has feelings for at least one other girl. I just don't know what to do at this point. I want to stay, but I want to leave. I'm not afraid to be single, but I just feel so invested in THIS relationship. Help. Please.
Being cheated emotionally is more painful than being cheated physically.
I'm sorry to tell you this but I hate that kind of behavior of him. And you're right that maybe he's looking at you as one of his fantasy. What if one of his "fantasy girl" is living at the same street as where you're living?
I don't know what I would have done...do you believe him that he really loves you? I think it starts there. If you decidw to stay you should know that there will be a very long journey towards forgiving and healing...
This is an article about whether to stay or leave after cheating, hope it helps:
Should You Stay or Should You Go?
If the mental shock of finding out about an affair is not enough – Thinking about divorce is another devastating phase you seem to have to go through. It’s like a blow to your gut. Emotionally speaking, a crisis in marriage is second only to dealing with death of a loved one. When your relationship is at such a low point and you are angrier that you gave ever been in your life – Divorce seems like the “natural” solution. But, that is not necessarily true, even if you think that it’s the only way to salvage your lost pride and self confidence. Also, if you haven’t even tried to solve your problems with your cheating partners before the divorce – You may regret it for the rest of your life. This is a LIFE CHANGING decision.
Here Are The Most Important Questions You Should Ask Yourself:
Is your spouse regretting the affair and is sorry for the pain he caused?
Has your spouse ended the affair for sure?
Has your spouse said that he wants to work out your problems and save your relationship?
Is your spouse willing to try marriage counseling?
Does your spouse still love you?
If most of the answers to these questions are YES – Saving your marriage and choosing marriage counseling over divorce is definitely recommended and possible...
Nah, thats terrible and really hurt. Ive been hurt emotionally too with my online partner. But at the end it leads to break up as i cant take it anymore already.
Cyber Cheating...?
