Help, help, help!

Hopefully I can explain myself here. I am 25 years old, married for a little over a year but been together with my wife for 9 years.

!) I feel my wife is manipulating. Something way above control, my thoughts, my emotions, they all feel manipulated. My wife has this way of turning anything and everything around in a way that at the end I end up being wrong, to the point that I feel selfish.

Not only do I feel manipulated, I feel like a slave in my marriage, not a slave to my marriage, but a slave in my marriage.

*How difficult is it to get up and get a glass of water when you are thirsty?

I don't know if my wife drinks any water when I am not home with her, but if we are both here she will only drink water when I bring it to her, when she demands, not asks, DEMANDS water. But that is not all, I have to think ahead to when she will get thirsty, if she get thirsty, it is my fault for not knowing what she is feeling and getting her some water before.

The biggest problem is I tell her I don't like that, I am not her slave and she can get water by herself but we end up fighting, me filling guilty for even trying to defend myself and getting her what she wants.

That also goes for food, etc. AND I have to tuck her in at night, if I don't do it she might as well freeze at night.

2) Now to the part I am guilty of, I may have feelings for another person and I need help to better understand them and know if the person feels something for me to, even though I do not think I am capable of doing anything about it.

This lady is 2 years older than me, we met 2 years ago, we work in the same place, used to work in the same area but a little over a year ago I moved to a different area so I now only see her from time to time.

Let's say her name is Jane. Jane lives near me, we live in NYC and we use the same subway line, but our work hours are a little different so sometimes I see her once or twice a week and we travel together, other times I don't see her for months and then we meet again.

Jane has a boyfriend, been together for 6 years now, but they do not have wedding plans. Yesterday was one of those times I see her after weeks and we travel together. We were on the train just talking about the day and I ask her about her boyfriend. She says he is good and all. I ask her about wedding plans or anything, and she tells me not only that they do not have any marriage plans but that she is not really sure she will ever marry him.

In a very doubtful voice she tells me (paraphrasing) "maybe when he finishes school we can start planning something, but if it doesn't go well, to bad, I may end up not getting married at all".

Is that how people nowadays talk about a 6 year relationship? (If so I am mistaken).

Anyway, telling me she has no plans with this man, while we are having fun talking, she smiling at me, getting somewhat "touchy" (you know when you want to touch someone but kind of have to do it in a way that is "kidding" and you hit them with the shoulder kind of thing) AND me kind of telling her my marriage sucks.

Anywho I saw her again today, I said sorry for going to personal with the my marriage kind of sucks thing and she said it was not too personal and that I should not worry about it, talking so much she almost missed her stop (FYI my stop is one before her but I continued with her to her stop and she did not say no, (when women don't want the company they say 100 excuses as to why you should not stay))

I need to know what that may mean.

FYI
I told her sorry by txt (about the personal thing) and wrote:
"Hey, sorry if I asked or said to many personal things today, I really like the time we spend together, even if short and not to often and I don't want to lose that. Take care."

I though if I saw her today it would be awkward, but it actually wasn't, she was smiling all the time and she looked like she had a good time.

Finally over. Please say whatever you may think.