How can I help our daughter deal with the fact she's in love with her best friend?

thetruesloth · #1 (**permalink**) 12-28-2008, 08:46 AM

Hey guys, could do with some help here. Realised today that our 3 and 3/4 yr old daughter (who's the most wonderful person) is in love"plutonically"(not sexually) with her best girlfriend. Whenever they're apart both of them are always talking about each other constantly, when they meet they hug each other so hard its'like they've been away for a year or so, when its'time to say goodbye they both play up or burst into tears and won't say goodbye. While I think its'wonderful that they love each so much, its'starting to really upset our daughter that she can't spend as much time as she wants to and its'quite distressing for her. Its'not just my daughter though, they BOTH love each other, which is wonderful, but at less than 4, she can't deal with those emotions yet.How can we (my fiancee and I) go about explaining to her that its'totally OK that she's in love, but also explain that its'also OK that they do spend time apart. Its'not easy that she's VERY smart, please help?!Can I just explain:1) under no circumstances would we EVER say she was IN love with her friend, we're already aware of that one. My bad for not qualifying that one.2) yes she is smart - at least academically - but she has a little more trouble controlling her emotions3) they already spend a huge amount of time apart anyway, that's not the issue, its'that they enjoy spending time so much that it really upsets them to be apart.4) our daughter already has a fairly wide group of friends, but no-one really just compares to her best friend. Again, its'sweet, its'just a little upsetting that its'upsetting out daughter so much.5) I must buy more cookies6) We do our best to keep her occupied by taking her swimming, ballet, arts and crafts, there's a park opposite the road, e.t.c.Was jsut wondering if it would be best to talk to her that it is ok not to be with her friend 24/7, or just leave it.Cheers so far peopleAnd I never said she was in love SEXUALLY, I said PLUTONICALLY (you know, bestest friends, e.t.c. Please people read that section very carefully before posting!

Rachael H · #2 (**permalink**) 01-21-2009, 03:00 PM

I have a similar issue starting to appear with my daughter and my next door neighbours granddaughter. Personally the only thing I do is try and keep her distracted when she can't see her friend and take her out and about as much as possible and have childish fun with her. She said the other day that I was her best friend (awww) so hopefully it's working.

Sian · #3 (**permalink**) 02-01-2009, 08:01 AM

are you saying she loves her as a friend? coz under 4 year olds are hardly ready for boy/girl friendsget her to make more friends and spend time apart from her