Ah...Tough question.
Well, as many people would tell you, you need to follow your heart, or else you'll never really be happy with your life. But as we all know, life can be fr ought with decisions that, if made rashly, can cost us alto. The best I can do is take you through some steps to evaluate the options and figure out what you might want to do.
The first thing to do is evaluate your relationship with your longtime friend and fiancee. Has he always Ben there for you? Does he know what you like to do and do it even if he doesn't want to? Is his goal in the relationship to make you truly happy as well as himself? These are the makings of a great relationship. And with the fact that you've known him for 11 years, you know most of his secrets and his background. This may make him seem like the prime choice for this decision, but you always ask yourself "Is he really?" This is a toughie. You mentioned that he's got a completely opposite personality, does this mean you and he have completely different likes and dislikes? And what happens when those likes and dislikes surface within your relationship? Does it cause problems? If it does, this may be more than a "blip" you have to smooth over before marriage. It may truly get to be a problem later on down the line. One of the problems I hear alto is "I love someone else, but I've been with this one forever, I don't know anything else" and that, to me, sounds like obligation. And obligation should never be forced upon someone in a relationship (unless it's not cheating on the other person, or telling them the true, etc.). If you love your first guy, and know he'll always be there for you, regardless then he's most likely the one to trust to make a good relationship. But if the relationship seems to be stagnating, the dislikes are overtaking the likes, and you just feel like you have to keep the purchase you seem to have bought 11 years ago, you may need to re-evaluate it.
Now onto "John". The first thing you need to realize is that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", meaning that something that you can't have (albeit the same) is always more alluring BECAUSE it's forbidden. Though, there are times when a better thing comes along. But always do your research. The first thing to ask yourself about John, is even though you think you know him, do you REALLY?You say you only met him a year ago. But what about 10 years before that? You know your fiancee for that long, you don't know him that far back. You have to be careful because he may look great on the outside, but you've only recently started to see who he is, and underneath all that untouchable exterior, may be something you won't like.
Take a hypothetical situation: You leave your fiancee for John, you date John for another year or so (because you can't marry him off the bat, that's just be foolish) and things start to crop up. Things in everyday life that you weren't around him for, things in the bedroom, things that will affect YOUR future. And you can't be in the relationship anymore. So, essentially, that's 12 years of your life wasted relationship wise. your fiancee won't want to talk to you, and if you break up with him, he may not want to talk to you for destroying his and your fiance's relationship. You'll be back at square one, and having even more trouble seeing as you've been out of the dating scene for so long.
Now remember, this is a Hypothetical worst case scenario, it's not a guarantee. But those are the ramifications we're talking about here. It may go completely the other way, John will be great for you, and you'll be the happiest you'll have ever been. But since these things are murky waters, you'll need to do some real investigating as well as soul searching.
First: See a therapist or relationship counselor. They can help you sort out all the feelings you are having, and have you lay them out on the table. They can tell if you are trying to sabotage a good relationship for bad reasons, or if you are truly in love. They'll act as a buffer zone, and let you stay away from rashly deciding your future within a day.
Second: Talk to John in the utmost of confidence. Tell him your feelings, see if they're mutual. If you need to, kind of ease him into it. Talk candidly, and tell him that you don't want to make any rash decisions and must know how committed he'd be if you were to choose him. Make no ultimatums and make it abundantly clear that your fiancee must not know about this from him, for BOTH of your sakes.
Third: If the first two seem to go well, then talk to your fiancee. If anything is to happen good or bad in a relationship that changes its whole status it's something like this, and it NEEDS to be discussed. Tell him whats going on, and tell him the truth. Tell him how you don't want to ruin your love if it's for a fling or just because your relationship with him has semmed ordinary. Work it out, if need be go and see a couples counselor. But if you realize that it won't work, you may need to start over fresh. If he truly wants you to be happy as a friend, he'll let you be happy with John if you and he are not meant to be.
The main thing I'd also watch out for, reprecussions wise, is the other friends you'll lose and wrath from family memebers. if the wedding is already seriously underway in the planning stages, thousands of dollars may be lost on this decision, some of which the opposing party may ask you to refund. Some of your firends who may be mutual friends with you and your fiancee may have nothing more to do with you. But, weigh your options as to how much of a loss that is compared to being with John.
And for this to come to pass, you must already have your answer you just need someone to push you in the right direction, and mostlikely anyone who's opinion is worthy won't make that decision for you, because ultimately it's not ours to make. It's what is in your heart, what you want to do with the rest of your life, and how much love truly means to you that will make this decision, and in the end it will be tough, but it'll be for the right reasons:
Your reasons.
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