i have a gay friend who keep ooking for love in all the wrong places what advice can

#1 (**permalink**) 04-20-2010, 08:37 PM

he is looking for someone willing to have a relationship and hang out who treats him right... dint get the wrong idea when i say he is sweet he is not a queen... he is butch he is looking for the same. what advice can you give him for picking up guy like himself?

Because personally even though i love him his gadder is on the blink or something, because he only picks up guys who are user and abusers. he seems to be attracted to sympathy hounds...

i dint get it please help i am tired of seeing him hurt
he says he doesn't know but when he is really not looking for this type of person he always gets them they start out his perfect and idle mate and end up his worst mistake like they know which game to play in order to reel him in....and he's tired he want some one he can share things with,some one to settle down with, and take interest in his life and he will do the same...he has everything in life right now that he wants and he just cant find mister right... and not mister whatever you want to hear....so i enjoyed all helpful comments keep them coming

#2 (**permalink**) 04-24-2010, 08:37 PM

Repent!

#3 (**permalink**) 04-26-2010, 08:37 PM

RLS almost had it...not so much repent as change his ways.

Change where/how he looks for love.
Change his style of dress (giving himself a new confidence & self-esteem)...

Bless you for asking

#4 (**permalink**) 05-01-2010, 08:37 PM

First, How old is he?
2ND, Do what you can to let him know that you'll be there for him, EVEN if you are straight, just let him know that.

We all need someone who would understand us.

#5 (**permalink**) 05-02-2010, 08:37 PM

Get him to sit down and figure out exactly what he wants out of a partner. Once he does, force him to keep with his standards and not just go for any old person. It'll make him (and you) a lot happier

#6 (**permalink**) 05-05-2010, 08:37 PM

I don't know..sounds like he is kinda into getting involved with users and abusers..you can't change who he's attracted to or who he gets involved with.

#7 (**permalink**) 05-09-2010, 08:37 PM

I wish I knew how old you guys are and in general where you live. But here is a possible answer.

1. Make sure your friend knows that you're worried about him. If he has a pattern of getting involved with abusers, it says gobs more about him than it says about those he's dating. He may need some counseling to fine-tune his gadder.

2. Find a gay social group to join (gay men's chorus, Metropolitan Community Church/gay synagogue/Buddhist chanting group, hiking club, sports club, etc.). This will help you both meet some nice guys who are doing more than just trolling the bars.

3. Make certain you guys don't succumb to the temptation of alcohol or drug abuse. It will cloud your judgment almost every time.

I hope this helps.

#8 (**permalink**) 05-13-2010, 08:37 PM

Your friend is has deep inner hurt, and he thinks he can soothe the inner hurt by seeking love. Unfortunately, this tends to be self cent red, and the other person is only there to love the "poor victim". Even if the victim appears to be the caring one, this is a game to attract the person to him/herself.

You need to talk to your friend, and tell him you're genuinely concerned for his welfare. Ask him why is he desperate for a relationship.

Until he sorts out his inner hurt, he won't be able to love properly. Remember, love is a two way thing.

#9 (**permalink**) 05-18-2010, 08:37 PM

Well the real answer is that he must first find out why he continues to make the choice to deal with and be with the same man over and over again. Locate, dissect and resolve the problematic pattern of self- worth. Counseling or some professional help is always available and can benefit him.

Secondly, you are obviously a great friend when you ask for advice to help him. What worries me about your statements, you said that, "... he only picks up guys who are users and abusers." It's the, "picks up, " part that makes me wonder. Is he really looking for love or is he just identifying what he instinctively knows is familiar to him?

Ask questions, find out where he is coming from and get ready to support him, not help him, in his move forward in his life.

#10 (**permalink**) 05-22-2010, 08:37 PM

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. Have you ever had a friend tell you that you were making a mistake being with someone? That can cause a great deal of resentment and can create insurmountable rifts in friendships. Let him make his mistakes and learn from them.

#11 (**permalink**) 05-23-2010, 08:37 PM

he needs to do a deep soul searching....until he know who he is ..he will keep going for the wrong type of person....

#12 (**permalink**) 05-26-2010, 08:37 PM

Just relax and take it easy... Be the best he can be.. Take time to heal the wound first and when he's fully recovered then he can start anew again. Go to some places like malls,museums, art galleries, dress and flower shops and there's a potential to meet an ideal guy for him.If not, the Internet is the last resort where you can find boundless of matches that depends on ones preferences. Remember be nice and be patient because destiny and fate does the work for anyone of us.

#13 (**permalink**) 05-30-2010, 08:37 PM

Ask him if he senses the same pattern you do. If he realizes that, then he'll start looking for some early "warning signs" that the others had in common, and try to avoid that in the future. I figure that's kinda what dating is about, no matter who you are.