ADVICE NEEDED; Just learned she's a widow, should I tell her I love her (reprise)?
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ADVICE NEEDED; Just learned she's a widow, should I tell her I love her (reprise)?
Sorry if you have answered this question, I just needed to ask again for more advice.
I am 28 years old. I met this girl, 23 year old, three months ago and have grown in love with her in time. I have invited her a couple of times to have some coffee or eat lunch on three occasions, only the first time she accepted. We talked many times on the phone. After two times of having my invitation can celled (she had accepted both times) I decided not to pursue and called her to wish her the best in life and good-bye, a week later she left me a message at work to call her back and so I did. She revealed to me she's been a widow for six months and was afraid of entering a relationship but she wanted to continue seeing me. I have not revealed my feelings for her but I think I need to before this goes forward and grow deeper that will hurt even more. Should I?
I wanted to add that I do not want to appear as if I'm taking advantage of her because that is not the case, but sometimes some people can perceive intentions that are not accurate.
Even though materialistic things are unimportant after such a hard loss, just as additional information she told me she had a house, car, everything everyone wants to begin a full life and begin a family. She lost everything when his family took it away. But I guess the loss that hurts the most is that you had everything you wanted for and you couldn't even begin it. I'm so sad when I think of it, which has been a lot in these last couple of days since she told me.
She had been married for a year and he died of cancer. He was 32 and she was 22 during their marriage.
Also for those who suggested I was falling in love because I felt sorry for her are just wrong, it was the little details like our talks and her smile, that kind of thing. This all happened before she told me about her situation. She emanates some tenderness that makes her lovable, at least to me, a kind of innocence that obviously she doesn't have anymore.
Give it a lot more time than that! Hang out with her spend time with her and listen to her...that's the best thing to do. If you can go without seeing her and you think you'd be happy walk away...but if she's worth it, try. But don't be angry if it doesn't pan out. It's not in your hands.
take your time, your young, let it develop naturally, she lost a spouse, it can take years for her to get over that. if you're prepared to wait, then you have a chance. just let it run its course.
one step at a time one day at a time.
Don't tell her you love her yet. You could scare her off. It sounds like right now she really needs a friend. Be that for her. You don't want to rush her into something that she'll regret. Be a strong shoulder to lean on and just listen to her. She's lost so much in these past 6 months, she needs to heal from that before she can look to the future. Once she's ready for a relationship, you'll be there.
just be there for her, dint try to rush her but let her know your her friend above all else, unrequited love suck bud, give her time good luck my friend :-)
you just need to keep doing what you are doing...
she just suffered traumatically...if you rush in and tell her that you love her, she's going to get scared and confused, she will feel torn between you and her late husband and that will cause alto of hurt for her...
just be there for her like she wants, there is obviously something there that she sees in you...in this case, you NEED to be patient.
I think you should just be there for her as a friend. Nothing else, take her places do fun things to take her mind off of all her bad thoughts. If it is meant for you two to be together you will know. Just don't push yourself on her. Take it slow.
Develop friendship with her, Know each other better, and after the understanding created between both of you, express your felling towards her. Don't be hurry.
See where SHE is willing to go with this relationship first. Since she has been so devastated so recently, give her the lead. Hold you feelings about her to yourself until or unless you know that this will go in the direction you desire. She is under alto of pressure right now and you don't want to sway her in the direction of a rebound. You want genuine reactions and feelings from her now. The BEST thing to do for both of you is to cultivate a friendship FIRST. Let her see that she can rely on you as someone who will listen to her grief without judgment, jealousy or pressure. Start with a good foundation and build from there. Good Luck.
If you are half the good guy you sound like you are, I would say, be honest with her. Tell her you like talking with her and would like to explore something more, when she feel ready. Be ready and willing to be a friend first.
Grief after the loss of a spouse can take up to two years to resolve. I don't say "get over" because you don't - you resolve it, incorporate it into your life. If his family took all you said, then that will add to what she has to deal with.
Be there for her, support her, listen to her, give her space - again, tell her you want to be a friend first.
Good luck with your future.
When I broke off a 3 1/2 yr relationship I was always on a rebound hunt. It won't help to be a widow. Not a good time to have a relationship. And plus she is way too young for you. You need someone to be on your level. she might just come out of her shell and party to get rid of her sorrow.
Don't make a mistake especially if she already can celled on you twice. I had done that before, I had to cancel on someone a few times, because I wasn't in the right place yet.
Losing ones husband at any age is hard but to lose your mate at the beginning of their future together must be heart breaking for this young woman. Give her some time to adjust but don't give up on her. She may just be "the one". Be a friend to her now and don't rush the romance. That way if things don't work out, you've still gained a good friend. Good Luck
Dude, I didn't even read the entire explanation because I got bored, but under no circumstance should you drop the L bomb on her right now.
She has turned you down a couple times because she is nervous about relationships in general. How do you expect her to react to Love? She, of course, would freak out and feel like she is cheating on the the memory of her husband.
Plus, I caught that she is 23. Dude....way too young and fragile to have the heavy stuff dropped on her. Let it take its course man, if you love her you'll let her come to terms with this thing and grow in love with you like you have with her.
Good luck to you sir. You are taking on a difficult project. I don't envy your position, but I admire your cause.
ADVICE NEEDED; Just learned she's a widow, should I tell her I love her (reprise)?
