From a man that can't say what he feels

I asked my father what love was he told me, “Hmm love is a feeling… no more no less, but when you feel it you will know. It might just hit you hard strait in the throat or might creep up on you. You want to know how I know I love your mother, my wife, my one. Well at first I thought I loved her just because it seemed like the right time to say it and well I was young I didn’t know much about relationships I didn’t even know about this one still. I know things she likes and I know things she wants but I am still not the man she needs. I will never leave her I won’t even try again I don’t need to because I might not me the man she needs now but I will be one day once I figure out what I want to do in life something that can support us something that she doesn’t have to worry about me losing my job or about me getting to stressed out. Oh yeah about that love thing hmm lets see I love her because well I could just write a list of 100 something thing about it… but that has been done. I could write a long thought out poem or I could just write a long ass hell quoit from a father that is in my ever own mine. Nha that would be crazy, so I will just tell you, she gets pissed off at me for spending money on things and then I don’t tell her about it, haha I remember this one time I went over to her house after work finally done with work for the weekend just wanted to go see her and relax. I remember she was studying for her class but I feel asleep… well that wasn’t good because I went home early when I got home I let my dog out and sat down for abit then I got up and went to the bowling ally that was my 2nd but not final mistake, oh no there was more, I told her earlier that weekend that we… I was trying to save money and so that meant we couldn’t go to a haunted house which she was looking so foreword to then I think the final thing that I did wrong was I forgot that following weekend I was suppose to go to a cook out with her to her family’s house, but me being so god damn forget full I forgot that it was that weekend and so I switched my work schedule with a co-worker so that my co-worker would have a less shity work schedule. Well lets see your mother asked me if I felt bad about going bowling with out her, I said yes and it was true, but I always feel bad about going places without her because I want her there with me, I know she didn’t believe me then, still don’t think she believes me now, I have tried to think about my life whit out her and well that is not a life worth living in, I know I tried to get away because like I said I was young and well stupid… well I am still young and stupid, But I have learned a few thing just wish I could say stuff to her when I felt it without being sacaried shitless of what might happen because I can’t think fast without my voice getting louder so typing and writing things down are a lot ezer then yelling. So what would I say to her now….
Sarah I am sorry that I went to the bolwing ally with people after falling asleep at your house and telling you we can’t go to a hanted house because i am saving money, I keep trying to tell you but it is hard for me to acusliy say it but when I am with you, and you aren’t making me feel guilty, is when I am the most relaxed that is why I fall asleep so well with you no matter what. I just with I could ask you to marry me and we just live happy ever after. I really can’t wate for that day when I see you coming down that ally with that cute little smile that make me cry when I thank about it, a just see you glow with true happiness and on that day I will have the one person that I will ever need the only friend I will ever want as my wife. Sarah I know I a stupid idet but I tiring so hard to be better I work hard I pay for things I still have problems with money and not telling you about things right when they happen. I don’t understand the hole chasing you thing but I don’t see why I would have to chase unless you where walking away. You are the one that I would pore my soul completely out to you if I wheren’t afird of how if would sound. I know right now I am not the man for you but I wont even try to leave again because one day I know I will be the man for you, I will find a job that can support us, and won’t drive me as crazy. Sarah I know what I have said in the pass about these 3 little words about me not reallying meaing them and blah blah…. But that when I when I say them now I could not say anything more true Sarah I love you


Note to readers,
My name is Mitchell i am a man that can't say what he feels but when I write like this they are my feelings and the words are Nick D. Woodrift II’s a ficanle character I made up to help me work through problems with everyday life I never had a father figure that was good for me so I made one up. Sad but true this “story” true throw and throw. By the way I did little to no spelling check and I don’t have the best grammer.