I'm trying to write a romantic story to make this girl swoon over me...?

Jakob J · #1 (**permalink**) 01-04-2009, 05:09 AM

It's for my writer's craft class, which she's in. I want to make the story romantic- not corny or creepy- to try to show that I can be really romantic too, if you see what I'm saying.Here's my idea: Story is set during the Iraq-Iran war, which in it they started sending civilians against each-other. Two characters (maybe lovers), a wounded girl and an army captain are sitting in bombed-out fortifications. The girl is wounded and dying and the enemy is approaching but the captain decides to stay. She thinks he's staying to fight but ultimately we find out that the rifle he's carrying is empty, and that he only stayed to be with the girl one last time, even though it meant certain death.Is this romantic or creepy? If its creepy, help me make it romantic! Gotta make her wonder! :PWe always read the stories out in class.I'm also a decent writer, so I just have to make sure the idea is good.

What's google? · #2 (**permalink**) 01-05-2009, 07:16 AM

Id make it more like those old movie types of romances.just cuz thr guy sounds a little sketchy

jennifer_rojas_cc · #3 (**permalink**) 01-05-2009, 02:45 PM

I thought it was sweet. Good idea!

just_jen · #4 (**permalink**) 01-17-2009, 06:36 AM

it sounds sweet, but dont make it passionate. there's a difference between romantic and passionate. make sure there aren't any make-out or sex scenes, just so ya know. make it sweet. especially if you are just trying to reel her in. Make the characters sweet like living off of each other and in the end live together in happiness. have the guy save the girl at some point, that will show your girl that you are a protector yourself by making the character like that.Ultimately, make the character's relationship depict what you want to have with her.

Naj · #5 (**permalink**) 01-21-2009, 07:40 AM

Its fine but you must not forget to detail the feelings when the captain approaches the wounded girl and his hesitation about risking his life or not. Also you must add the first eyes to eyes contact...and the captain's thoughts and feelings about the girl. Well there's so much to add. But you should not forget that they are in a war. There are some feelings that you should limit...