I need some marriage advice...?

Heather P · #1 (**permalink**) 08-02-2010, 05:06 AM

I've known my boyfriend for about 5 months and he had to move back to Australia (where he's from). He's going to be coming back in October for 6 months and at the end of the 6 months we're thinking about going to the courthouse and getting married. This would be a small ceremony and we wouldn't tell my parents about it (they would be upset that they couldn't come), we would inlet tell a select few people. So, it would basically be a "secret wedding". We would then have a larger ceremony with all of our friends and family about a year later. Is this a good idea?

ladyfish1963 · #2 (**permalink**) 08-07-2010, 05:06 AM

Why? Why would you have a secret wedding without telling your parents? Why all the secrecy? Is this the way you want to start your marriage????

♥jaded♥ · #3 (**permalink**) 08-10-2010, 05:06 AM

sounds good, but i would tell your parents. they cant stop you from getting married but they should be included in the ceremony.

:)idkk · #4 (**permalink**) 08-12-2010, 05:06 AM

Why the big secret??

Bones · #5 (**permalink**) 08-16-2010, 05:06 AM

why on earth would u lie to your parents??? Just what do u find unacceptable about your guy that u think your parents would find unacceptable??

Think twice before deceiving your parents...they would remember this for a long long long long time...probably remove u from their will...if their is one

movin12006 · #6 (**permalink**) 08-20-2010, 05:06 AM

What's the rush? Get engaged and then wait until the "real" wedding when everyone can attend.

Josh · #7 (**permalink**) 08-25-2010, 05:06 AM

Bad Idea. Never start something this important on a lie. Tell the parents.

justmeandcaring · #8 (**permalink**) 08-28-2010, 05:06 AM

bad Odie .if you are meant to be married this well wait

baueraddict24 · #9 (**permalink**) 09-01-2010, 05:06 AM

I got married without my family around because I didn't want them to start any BS. I kind of regret it CZ a few of my family members actually supported it. Its a good idea if your family isn't your support system and your friends are.

sam bamm · #10 (**permalink**) 09-02-2010, 05:06 AM

Why are you having a "secret" wedding?
Why would your parents be upset?
Are you underage?

Erika M · #11 (**permalink**) 09-05-2010, 05:06 AM

You have to do what's best for you, but I can tell you that keeping your marriage a secret is a bad idea. It will hurt your friends and family if they find out the truth.

My wife and I got married in a courthouse without telling anyone. I was getting ready to go on deployment with the Navy, and I wanted to make sure she was taken care of if something happened to me. We had been together off and on for 6 years before this, so it wasn't rushed.

After we got married, we went home for 2 weeks and told everyone. We explained that we wanted to get married without the stress of a wedding, but that we wanted to have a ceremony after I got back from deployment. It worked out great, and everyone was really supportive.

I think you should do what you feel is best, but to break it to your family however you need to without hiding it.

stephmanzelli · #12 (**permalink**) 09-10-2010, 05:06 AM

No.

Gavin T · #13 (**permalink**) 09-14-2010, 05:06 AM

Wait until the 6 months is over before deciding to marry him, you may find out he's really not the one for you.

ballstate_guy08 · #14 (**permalink**) 09-19-2010, 05:06 AM

hell no its not a good idea. you want to get married so he can stay in the country. if you want to get married to the guy, do it right. make him propose, tell your parents, do the ceremony the first time, etc etc. how are you gonna explain wearing a ring on your left hand to your parents unless your planning on not wearing one? secret weddings dint work, and neither does marrying someone so they can stay in the country.

∂zgυяℓ · #15 (**permalink**) 09-24-2010, 05:06 AM

Not a good idea. I would be so upset if i were your parents. Thats not just your special day its theirs too. I know you said that you will have a bigger wedding later but its not going to be the same as far as their concerned. Good luck...

Mr.Big121087 · #16 (**permalink**) 09-28-2010, 05:06 AM

What ever makes you happy.. but i don't understand why you want to keep it a secret.. especially from your parents. I think they are going to be more upset when they find out about it later, (and they will).. keep it small if you like but tell you parents and explain the situation. Don't disrespect your parents by keeping them in the dark about this

im_sarahhh · #17 (**permalink**) 09-30-2010, 05:06 AM

One has to be honest with himself or herself.U have to take in confidence Ur nears Neda's. Why hide.May be Ur frankness will pay u. Dont think negative.God is with u so long u are true

gabygaby_13 · #18 (**permalink**) 10-04-2010, 05:06 AM

No.

First, he needs to establish citizenship or legally residency in the U.S. on his own BEFORE he marries you.

Second, if your family finds out about the deception (and they eventually will), they will have bad feelings towards your husband.

Do you really want to start a marriage off on a foundation of lies? Trust me, it never works out well.

Danielle B · #19 (**permalink**) 10-06-2010, 05:06 AM

I don't know the relationship between you and your parents, but starting out "secretly" married isn't going to go well with family members or friends. You would be starting out with a lot of resentment when they find out. I personally wouldn't think of excluding my family from my wedding. I would be cheating them out of sharing my happiness and they would never get over it. I don't see the plus side of that decision.

Becca S · #20 (**permalink**) 10-11-2010, 05:06 AM

I'm not sure about the secret part. I've known people to get married by eloping and then having a big reception some time down the road, but they weren't secret weddings. Everyone knew about the marriage. The rest sounds fine, except the secret part. I think your parents would be more hurt you kept it from them than them not being able to be there. I know that's how I would feel anyway, if my kids got married and didn't tell me.