Marriage AdviceMarriage vows are powerful words that at times are hard to maintain. Many fear that marriage isn't the same commitment that it once was. Leave your fears at home and take a dose of marriage advice to help you maintain a committed relationship. Bring any questions or concerns regarding your death do you part.
I'm about 7 weeks pregnant and not to happy about it. I should be, I'm married and love my husband dearly. We've been married for about 2 months now and he just left for basic training (ARMY) for 13 weeks. I see him in the end of October for family day and his basic graduation though. We're 19 years of age. We were sure about committing to each other. We both have children from our exes. Which I think its enough kids for now since we just gotten married. Wasn't on birth control or we weren't using condoms but I did tell him I don't want you to ejaculate in me. Its better we wait. Settle down. He was like alright. We were making love weeks before he left for basic. Right before he came, he grabbed my hands and put them over my head and pushed as hard as he could down on me so i wouldn't move and i was like "Paul what are you doing?" Then I realized what he was doing and I was like " NO PAUL PULL OUT! DON'T" He didn't listen and he just did. I'm not ready for this. I know I would've been on birth control, If i didn't want this to happen. He knows I'm pregnant and I know a reason why he wanted this this soon. unserviced afraid Im gonna leave him while he is away. And we shouldn't bring a child into he world because of that reason. He knew Wat I wanted and he didn't care. I know he loves me, he writes to me every day. Bt I'm actually looking into an abortion. i knew its not right but I know its what i want and WATS best for now..I'm gonna tell him..I'm scared and I already made an appointment.
I'm not ready for another one. we already have 2.
it tkes 2 to want a child,not one. it should be fair,not forced. and I'm not making him look like a bad guy...........you know i was part of it too.
Advice? what should happen? what i should tell him?
How can you be married and a mom already and even contemplate abortion? It might be sooner than you had planned, but there is no reason to kill this child in the name of convenience. I think you know what the right thing is to do - have the baby and count it a blessing.
That sounds like rape to me! Gosh you have a controlling husband. He is trying to control you by having a baby. You should leave him. I would! No women needs to be control ed by a man. You are your own person. As far as abortion goes that's your decision. No one can make you do it. I would leave him and move on.
if you we rent ready then you shouldn't have been relying on the 'pull out method' anyway...what if you would have gotten pregnant if he hadn't done that? Would you still want an abortion? If he did do that then something is wrong with him and he has major control issues which is an entirely different issue...
Well hate to say it but you should have been on birth control in the first place CZ even if he would have pulled out you still could have gotten pregnant. I dint really see why you would want an abortion, OK i understand your not ready but alto of pregnancies happen when we are not ready. I got pregnant while on birth control, but i would never abort my baby. It's my mistake not the baby's that is just my point of view. He's in the army so you should be able to get some help with money and baby stuff right? I mean anyone can find places on line or around town that would help people who need it. Plus everything ends up working out in the end.
It is your body but wow that is a HARD decision. Why didn't you just go get the morning after pill? I really hope you get on BC (if you decide to abort) so this doesn't happen again. Personally I could never go through with an abortion but no one has the right to tell you what to do with your body and he shouldn't have intentionally tried to get you pregnant. I really hope you find your way.
it's 100 % your right, and your choice...I wont call u a murderer or bash you, that's ridiculous... But i will say this... after i had an abortion i felt fine, weeks later i fell into a terrible depression and virtually had a nervous breakdown... once it's done it's done, and you realize that you can never take it back... i hate myself everyday for it, and if i could go back i would have stopped the doctor.... i can still see his face and hear his voice when he asked, giving me one last chance to do the right thing, asking me "do u still want to go through with the abortion?"... i said "yes I do" i wish i would have been stronger and stood up for that harmless little baby inside me. I was supposed to protect him/her. I wear an angel pendant everyday in honor of that baby, and pray all the time for god's forgiveness... at six weeks that baby has a heartbeat... My heart and prayers are with you... please think this 100% as it may kill you with grief later as it does me...
If he FORCED you to have sex that's RAPE no matter if you are married or not---you said NO PAUL and he continued... that's rape in ANY language.... Ok at first I felt that you OWED it to Paul to discuss this and tell him your feelings because you actually will risk LOSING YOUR HUSBAND if you go ahead with this abortion behind his back... oh and by the way... I'm an abortion supporter not a pro-lifer....making that point so that you know I am not against someone wanting an abortion ESPECIALLY in cases of RAPE or INCEST....regardless of whether the rapist was or was NOT your own husband. That said, you DO know that you can get pregnant even if he PULLS OUT don't you????? I would suggest that if you plan on continuing this marriage, you invest in some BIRTH CONTROL and let your husband know that you COULD have charged him with RAPE because you DID say NO... good luck kiddo, you have some really seriously difficult decisions to make...but PLEASE make sure your husband is not left in the dark on this one IF you plan on keeping this marriage together.
Um.... I think you should see a therapist or counselor. You can go alone, but you need to talk about the sex story you just spilled.
There's definitely more to this than just the fact that you're pregnant- I would go to a planned parenthood center and talk to someone. It would be worth it to get some professional advice about this since its so emotional for you. Good luck
Don't let someone tell you that considering abortion is the wrong choice. It's YOUR choice and if you truly believe that it's what is BEST for YOU and your situation, right now, then you need to do what you feel is best for YOU and ONLY you.
I, personally, believe that a baby is always a blessing, no matter what. If you don't feel like you're ready for another child, maybe consider adoption. It's a better alternative than abortion and it gives you a better chance of not regretting taking a life.
But seriously...reevaluate your marriage. Do you really want to be married to a man who basically forced you into an unwanted pregnancy? Are you prepared to live with that lifestyle for the rest of your life?
I know you're scared and confused and you don't know what to do right now. Please, if there is anything I can do, let me know. Please email me if you want to talk. I'm a very nonjudgmental person, I'm not going to tell you that you're a horrible woman for thinking the way that you do. It's human.
Men tend to do these things in the heat of passion and I also Know you are right about the insecurity thing, you see that a lot in the military. I say if you are not happy about it then it's your body and you have to carry the baby for 9 months and you are the one who will be mostly raising the baby so you have to go with your gut instincts. God knows I have done that before and think God I did! Do not let anyone talk you into something you are not ready for do whats best for you! Right now you probably want to do whats best for your relationship but just make sure you are making choices you can live with.
you need to see a professional because there are a LOT of issues here that need to be dealt with. No one can make the decision of aborting the child but you. I say you should talk to women who have had it done so you can get a perspective on how they felt before the abortion and after.
Bringing a new life in to this world is beautiful and it shouldn't be marked with resentment and hatred towards the father. You need to get your feelings and emotions in check Hun.
I'm 19 too, just had my first baby, and am NOT married (but plan to be !), so I know what you're going through. It's a lot to handle this young (well, I know it is for me, and I only have one! So bless you!).
I don't like that he did that to you, but you and I both understand why he did. The problem is "save a marriage" babies, or in this case "insecurity" babies don't actually work. In the end, you love your child, but if the love for your partner isn't there, or you're tempted to leave, having a child might prolong that, but it wont save that. He needs to understand that.
I don't think you're wrong for wanting an abortion. I don't know if I'd ever have one, but I am pro-choice, so don't say "I know it's wrong." If you're not ready, you're not ready and you openly stated that to Paul! However, if you're going to get one, you've got to soon before the baby grows any bigger (but you said you've already made an appointment.).
I would tell him straight up that there's no way you guys could take on one more right now. Plus, he's at basic training, and then maybe he'll be gone away on more and more trips (I don't know anything about the army, HA HA!) leaving it mostly up to YOU to raise now THREE kids on your own. It's hard.
Whether you decide to have the baby or not, I think you're doing the right thing here for yourself (and probably for your marriage!) if you've thoroughly thought about it and are sure. If you don't decide to have the baby, he might be upset, but he'll have to accept it.
Also, pick up some birth control from now on so he can't pull anymore fast ones on you!
Good luck, I know this is a tough decision, but remember, do what's best for you.
Legally, if you are married and he doesn't want you to have the abortion, he can take you to court for the child, even unborn. Abortion is killing your baby. Look into all of the things you could be doing to your child before doing it. I won't say what I want to say-- but I WILL tell you to educate yourself and don't listen to things that are not FACTS. People will tell you that it's your choice. Well-- legally, they're right... but it's your husband's child, too. It's wrong for you to do anything without consulting him first. If he agrees to it, again-- make sure you are BOTH educated on what you are doing to your child.
EDIT:
JUST 2 DAYS AGO YOU WROTE:
I want on a baby but only when we're both ready and excited for it.
we're 19 and he already has a 3 year old daughter with his ex ff.
advice please?...
CARE TO EXPLAIN?? YOU SAID OTHER THINGS IN YOUR OTHER POSTS. YOU SHOULDN'T LIE SO THAT WE WILL HAVE EMPATHY FOR YOU!!
I would say do not go for the abortion. Most women end up wishing they hadn't or wondering what would have been if they didn't have an abortion. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. It is not this child's fault that his or her father took the actions he did. If you are totally set against having this child as your own would you consider giving him or her up for adoption? There are so many women out there that cant fulfill their motherhood destiny on their own and would love to be a mother to your child. Also you need to talk to your husband about what took place when this child was conceived. That is not appropriate inside or outside a marriage. A child is something that you both should agree on and he should respect you and your feelings and understand when you say you are not ready. Also too, in the future if you are not ready you should be using some form of birth control. I hope this helps and good luck with whatever you decide. xx xx
I could be like everyone else and tell you what you should have done but its a little to late for the would've would've would've now its time to deal with that what to do.
If abortion is what you want and you are certain that it is tell him and go Thur with it. Will it destroy your marriage maybe, will you regret it after its done maybe, will you feel depressed, scared and empty when it is all done YES. But you have to do what makes you happy. You know for sure he did this because of his own personal feelings of insecurity and not out of love let him know that he was being very selfish and if he loves you he should trust you. If he married you it should have been because he trust and love you. Well Hanny I wish you the best of luck but if you need someone to talk to I'm here
Well unfortunately you should have been on something if you really didn't want this to happen. But a child is a blessing from GOD and for some reason or another he decided that this was the time for you to have another child. And as far as the person who posted stating that it was up to you I totally disagree this is not some shirt you can throw away. This is a child and it takes what both of you want not just you. This child has no fault I wouldn't have an abortion if I were you I truly believe that things happen for a reason and that if you go against GODS will you might regret it later on. Stop thinking about yourself and think of the Innocent child that is inside of you. I hope you will come to your senses and change your mind. I know that if I were to tell my husband what you want to tell yours he would leave me in a heart beat.
It's your body but you're married and it's a decision for the both of you. If it went down as you said it's kinda rape (because you were consensual for the actual sex, just not the ejaculation) however, even if he pulled out you still could have gotten pregnant (Prue-ejaculatory fluid has sperm in it, not to mention if he was still close enough to you the sperm can swim a long way). The best option would have been birth control or the morning after pill but it's too late for now (just an option for later on). Why would you leave him while he's away? It was unfair of him to do what he did and you need to fix that part of your marriage if you stay together, being that forceful with you amounts to spousal abuse and he obviously needs help. Right now you need to seek counseling to see exactly what you want so that you can make the right decision for you, your kids and your marriage. Please go now while you can physically still have an abortion if that is what you choose. I hope you realize that there are other options (adoption maybe?). Only you will be able to know what is best for you.
marriage? abortion? Advice.?
!), so I know what you're going through. It's a lot to handle this young (well, I know it is for me, and I only have one! So bless you!).
