Marriage problems leading to Divorce....please help!!!!?
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Marriage problems leading to Divorce....please help!!!!?
My husband and I have been married for 10 months. We lived together/dated for 4 years prior. Situation - his parents had a verbally abusive relationship and he is turning into his father! He isn't willing to pool our money and pay for things together as husband and wife. I still have to pay my half of the mortgage, my groceries, half electric, and the dog. Now, he wants a baby and told me that if I quit working he'll pay for things but I have to pay him back for every penny of his money that I spend. I couldn't bring a baby into this! He started with the verbal abuse so I moved out and got an apartment. Before, he refused counseling. Now, he claims he's torn apart, wants me back, and will go to counseling, but I could never see him actually doing this! He is even calling and crying to my parents about us!! But yet, every other day he'll TXT me a comment about how he's going to left me with nothing. I need some help and guidance!! I love him, but can't live with him like that! HELP!?!
Tell him to go to counsel ling by himself for awhile until he resolves his issues. tell him to join a support group. Only then when he resolves his issues will he genuinely be open for change. It won't be good unless he's open to change.
As you've only been married ten months, I would definitely take him up on the couples counseling (most likely the therapist will tell him he needs individual counseling as well). But absolutely DO NOT move back in with him at this point and do not have sex. I would only move back in after extensive counseling and then only with the complete approval of the therapist. Honestly,though, I don't know if this one can be fixed. Good luck.
I understand loving someone so much that you put up with things that you know you shouldn't. Moving out was a good idea. It allows you the space to really look at this situation. He isn't willing to share his money with you much less a life and it will not get better with a child in the picture. Look into yourself, you know what you have to do!
He has some interesting thoughts on how relationships and marriages should work. I don't agree with what he is doing and saying, and I know you feel the same. Marriage should involve people working on the same page. He is not even in the same book.
It is ludicrous for him to ask you to "pay him back". Is he going to pay you back for what your body will endure if you have a baby? Is he going to pay you back for lost wages? It would be the same as you charging him for sexual privileges. And no, that's not a good idea either....
He needs to be able to communicate with YOU, and not whine to your parents. He can threaten that he will leave you with nothing, but he is actually afraid that you will leave him. In fact that is what you need to do. You don't want this in either a relationship, husband, or father of your child.
I have been married for 9 yrs ,and in my opinion i think you should leave him and if he really wants you back and change ,like he says he is he would change on his own with out you
oh and another thing someone who loves you is not going to threaten you with leaving you with nothing
you should not have gotten married, that is as plain as that can be!
you two are immature and cant even live as a married couple, actually you aren't even like a married couple!!!!!!
you husband is CRAZY and so ARE U for staying married to this mad man. it will only get worse and his father being like that should be a reason for him not to do that. that doesn't make it okay because his father did this that just gives him an excuse.
if you bring a baby into this world i really would feel bad for that baby. and that would be so shame full on your behalf.
i hope you realize that he is a loser, how could you not have seen that your husband was a tight-wad?
run run run!!!! don't look back!! you are answering your own question! he will NOT change and will only get worse with time. i know because i was there. it almost cost me my sanity.
I think you made a smart move until he's ready to act like a married couple stay where you are. Tell him you'll set the appointment for the counseling but he has to pay his half of the bill. As far as the paying him back for you spending money after a child... Tell him this find out what a surrogate , 24/7 nanny would cost and house keeper.If there's a balance after those charges are paid to YOU, then you'll gladly pay him back. Don't let him push you stick to your guns. Abuse is a vicious cycle it always repeats itself. Without the proper help.Work things out if that's what you want but giving him a dose of his own wont hurt either. "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." If that's the way he likes it, turn it to work for you. He'll either change or walk you'll be better off either way. Best of luck!!
Men suck. I have one of these husbands that says one thing and then getting him to actually do it is another story. If you love him, try the counseling, but don't move back with him yet. You have leverage while you are moved out and maybe that was the motivation he needs. Set up an appointment and see if he goes. Keep on going till you feel like he is truly changing. If he doesn't change, move on. I've been with my guy 15 yrs and the only reason I'm still here is the kids. Don't get stuck like I am. Find out now if he can man up and grow up.
You are in a very sticky situation... No one should have to take any kind of abuse from their spouse! But would you rather look back and think "what if" or "at least i know i tried". Maybe you should go back and try cousiling with him,since he said he is willing to do it. Give it your best and give him the benefit of the doubt. Tell him when you were married you two became one so there is no longer her money and his money...its our money. Try once more and if it turns out to be crap and you see he is going back to his old self, then leave! And please do not bring a child into this relationship untill you know things are going to work out between the 2 of you. Im sure yoou dont want your child to have a dad that will abuse him. Good luck.
I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time in your marriage. At this point in your marriage, I would suggest individual counseling and then counsel ling together. I agree also that having a baby will only make things worse. A baby brings a lot of responsibility and a need for a stable home.
Your husband seems as if he has some soul searching to do and some much needed maturing. I look to my husband for support and guidance and I couldn't imagine it any other way.
I encourage you to seek out a spiritual ad visor for moral support as well.
Honey I don't personally know you but just from the first sentence you typed i think that this situation has been going on longer than your 10 month marriage... maybe I'm wronger but even if you didn't see all these problems... it doesn't sound worth it to stick with it.. I don't think it will ever change and you are very smart for leaving him and not bringing a baby into this situation... there are many other fish out there in this big beautiful kind and nice SEA of men!!!!! Maybe give your life a better chance and move in a better direction for you.... and i hate to quote sayings but some of them are true..... My mom once said into each life a little rain must fall and in some cases it is a downpour... it is sole up to you to make that rain turn into a beautiful sunny day if you know what i mean..... good luck
Bringing a child into that situation would just be wrong. Seems he needs some help and i would definitely make sure he got it before i even considered having a baby with him.
Marriage problems leading to Divorce....please help!!!!?
