Marriage AdviceMarriage vows are powerful words that at times are hard to maintain. Many fear that marriage isn't the same commitment that it once was. Leave your fears at home and take a dose of marriage advice to help you maintain a committed relationship. Bring any questions or concerns regarding your death do you part.
my husband and I have been married for a year, and together for 8. It has been a rocky relationship - he has cheated on me but was forgiven - hes yelled at me in front of family and friends and one time even attempted to hit me(but did not)..anyway I'm always the quiet one in the relationship and never yell back. Last night he went out with his cousins and met up with one of mine and started cursing at her for no reason when she came to say hello. I begged him to come home but he was just like leave me alone and hung up. He actually made it to work this morning and he called just now asking what was MY problem last night. then he was just like F you. So then i called back a few Min's later and said you know what - F you, you F*Inga piece of garbage and hung up the phone. It felt SOo actually say something without crying but now i feel bad about the garbage part. No one should be called that but I just said it out of hostility. I actually feel like breaking up with him, for a long long time now but I always wanted to be married and stay married- nothing like divorce. but anyway i need your advice for this situation. Thanks
Jenny - its not the same feelings i had when we first met. Sometimes i cant stand being next to him- and I'm pretty sure after reading this over the bad outweighs the good - I'm just so fed up and so tired. I shouldn't have lashed out at him and used the word 'garbage' but its one of those in the moment instances.
Granny- at what point do you pick up and go - im not even sure if its worth counseling - im just so tired of being the one that has to forgive.
I don't think you sound like the type of person who deserves the disrespect your husband is giving you. I tried to live with someone who cheated on me but I couldn't get past it so you're a bigger person than me. Next time he tries to humiliate you in front of people just look at him and tell him he's pathetic. Then walk away. He'll look like an a**hole, not you.
Figure out if you want to stay with this guy. You may have picked the wrong man if you want to stay together forever. I think he really sounds like a dick.
You do not deserve this type of treatment. Unfortunately this kind of man doesn't change. You sound like you have a big heart and are willing to overlook a person's flaws. However, forgiving this kind of person seems to enable them to keep acting like that...if they're always being forgiven, why should they change?
Do yourself a favor and get out of this verbally abusive relationship. You deserve better.
Sounds as if your husband has no respect for himself and certainly no respect for you. Without knowing every aspect of your relationship, from what you have explained you would be better off without this guy.
He sounds like he's very selfish, controlling and has anger management issues. The only thing I can suggest is getting some counseling or divorce. You have to figure out if you can see yourself dealing with this for the rest of your life - you only have one life. Do you want to waste it in a marriage with a man who belittles you and treats you like crap most of the time? Do you want to live under a dark cloud forever? If you have children or are planning to have children, can you feel like a good mom raising them in a home with parents who treat each other this way? Think of the impact.
You have to just sit down and really think about your life. Would it be better with him or without him. If you think he's a good man but has some issues with anger and whatnot, demand counseling. If he refuses, there's really nothing else to do but separate or deal with it.
Good luck. And kudos for sticking up for yourself this time. Keep that up.
Well first I would like to say kudos to you, it takes a lot to look past an affair and try to move forward.It takes a strong woman to even consider it.
Second, if you are no longer happy, is this really where you want to be? I don't know if there are any children involved or anything, but happiness is an important thing and it just sounds like you don't have that with your husband anymore. Maybe you two have just grown in different directions, and need to move on with both of your lives. Peopel deserve to be something other than miserable.
You are allowed to say to yourself, "I made a mistake."
When you realize this, and you feel you need to do something about it, you are completely in the right to follow through to correcting the mistake.
You're right, two wrongs don't make a right, but a wrong that was initiated by a husband towards his wife is UNACCEPTABLE. It takes a big heart to forgive his infidelity, and a strong will to accept that swearing at you, and treating YOU like garbage is wrong. This isn't a choice, he is this type of man that belittles women - his infidelity was part of it.
No one would find you guilty for what you did. What you did is a result of what he has done to you, your family and your friends.
With this type of man - you do need to lash out at him. His personality only responds to hate/anger. If you need him to act on your demands, you need to boss him around from now on. Otherwise, he'll bully you into doing what he wants you to do, you can't ignore his behavior ESPECIALLY since you're his wife. You have a responsibility to stand up for a large group of people (not just yourself) who has been hurt by this man you're married to.
Most women know when it is over but are too scared to break it off or too emotionally invested to leave. But just that you have asked this question means you want permission to leave.
You don't have a marriage,,you are married,,he is not..He shows you no respect,,and demeans you in front of family and friends..The fact he cheated on you whenever,,shows he's not satisfied totally,,or committed to the relationship..The fact he ALMOST hit you once,,means he was going to,,but thought against it at that time.. YOUR reaction to his stunts,,either stops him,,or gives him permission to do them.. Meaning,,if you don't tolerate whatever he is doing,, he will curtail his actions..If you do or say nothing,,he is encouraged to do whatever..By YOUR actions,,you enable or stop him or at least have him think about what he is doing..But anyway,,his behavior is not that of a good husband..You have stated your true feeling in your Additional Details.. Sorry to say,,I truly think your marriage will not last,,and you are not happy..If there are no children,,I would suggest you search your mind for you true feelings.. If there are children,, your choices will be different,,since you will have to have him in your life till the children are 18.. Very difficult position,,but life is short,,and no one should live it unhappily.. I do wish you well !! SOLOMON
you have been in the dump for the longest time
it's time to go
your man doesn't treat you right and now it's to take a hike
get what i mean
it's going to hard but you need someone who respects you
Sometimes when there has been so much damage in a relationship you just have to leave cause most likely even if you were to both try to work on it you still would remember what ones said and done in the past to hurt one another wow and cheating that's a deal breaker all on its own and I'm also a firm believer about making marriage work but sometimes it its better to maybe leave or even take break from each other to evaluate what the problems are and fixing them i can already tell threes no respect,lack of communication and those are big factors to making any marriage work.
I hope hes nicer to you no-one deserves to be treated like that
Has he always acted this way or is this something new that just started recently?
Could he be doing drugs? Drugs make people do things out of their norm and even lash out or get angry for nothing or over little things.
He should have never raised his hand to you. He didn't hit you and he prob knew what would happen if he did..but what if he doesn't hold back his fist next time and hits you then.. I think you need to get out of this relationship quick before he can do anymore damage to you and your family. Hopefully he wont blow up when you leave and try something more to you. When you do get out.. get a restraining order against him. Keep yourself safe. You deserve better. No one deserves to be treated like he has treated you and your family.
well no man should every try to hit his wife, even if he doesn't actually do it he shouldn't try it. sounds like he needs anger management classes. & if you want to try to make this work, you have to stand up for yourself! my husband says things out of anger alto when we fight & later takes it all back & for about 6 months i was the quiet one, but not i let it out. its not healthy to keep it in, you can find a way to speak with him letting him know how you feel without calling him garbage. & once i started sticking up for myself my husband stopped. we still fight from time to time as everyone does, but even when we are extremely angry at each other no verbal abuse occurs. good luck! & i agree with jenny.
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