Christians only please: I need some advice about my marriage!! I have been married 12 yrs .?

Be strong don't go back.

Hate me for being and atheist and answering your question, but be strong and don't go back please. Think of it this way. It's better for him if you don't go back.

Hi, I'm not a Christian, but I do feel for you.

If it doesn't feel right, I don't think you should go back to him. In Christian language I'd say that was God speaking to you through your inner voice.

I went through the same thing. I also have a disability and he use to call me very hurtful names about my disability. I left him and moved away. The children and I are a lot happier and I feel better. Turn your troubles to God, I did and he blessed me in many ways. I will keep you in my prayers

God Bless You

But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

I Corinthians 7:11
New International Version

agree?

GOD is capable of anything, including changing people's hearts (and feelings and behavior). HE will give us the best of everything if we ask HIM. HE respects marriage as a covenant, not a contract.

Please go to Charlyne Cares or Rejoice Marriage Ministries. They offer lots of free material and an abundance of hope, all scripturalLyased. GOD does heal hurting marriages.

I will be praying for you. May GOD bless you.

Dump the butt hole. Don't mess up your life and go back to him. You will destroy any chance of happiness for the rest or your life. He can pretend to be a Christian all day that's not helping you. I know a lot of Christians are going to advise you to go back. Don't listen. It's your life forget the bum and start living. Find you a new man. A kind and gentle man who will love you forever. BB

He is called to love you as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.
That is not an abusive, hurtful relationship - rather one of selflessness ,protection and fierce loyalty.
I would watch him from afar for awhile- see if he indeed has the fruits of the Spirit he claims. Continue to pray for him, and that God would reveal his sincerity ( or lies) to you.
DO NOT stay away from church if he goes - go, with other women of God; surround yourself with them, and confess this to them that they might uplift you, and if needed, to shield you.

Trust broken is a gut and back wound - it heals slowly and usually leaves scars. Ask God to make him anew, and you will be healed in the process.

I can only tell you that if he truly wants to change and be the husband he says he will be, that you can learn to love him again. I am speaking from personal experience but it may not last forever as they have a tendency to get complacent after they get secure. The bible tells us to forgive 70 times 70 and that is a lot! It is very hard to do but if he tells you he will be a godly man it may be worth the risk of trying again. Believe me I know what you are feeling as I am going through the same thing myself but my husband has not wanted to have a relationship with God and that is the only way it can work. Two things could happen 1. You go back and he is the same miserable lot and you have lost more time..2. He is the Godly man that you could have a wonderful marriage.....I don't know, I guess I would take the risk but lay down rules before you go......bless you

I wouldn't go back. If you did go back, would you be happy?! It sounds like you wouldn't. Nobody deserves to be abused and you don't have to put up with it. I'll pray for you and keep the faith.

I think you should tell him that you are willing to go back, but first he must prove himself by committing to attend a good Bible believing church (NOT a dead perfunctory one or a cult). He must allow for counseling for the both of you, so it must be a church that offers that. Then both of you need to get counseling from a spirit-filled counsel er, separately and together. Most of all, if he is truly seeking to serve God, it will show in his attitude not just towards you, but towards God and God;s people and God's house and most of all, God's Word, the Bible. Take it slow, stay separated for awhile while he has a chance to show his true colors. Don't just jump back in immediately. God bless!

As a child of Father God and one who has also been abandoned by a husband after 28 years, I advise you not to ask for such important advice from people here. Remember that James teaches us that any who need wisdom should ask of Father God. We should not put our faith in humans. Seek the kingdom of God first, and everything you need will be added to you.(Matthew, chapter 5)

god will understand what you are doing..
if you feel that its not safe then leave.
but dint shut him out of your life. continue to be friends and if you think that he has the strength to change then you can go back to him.

i hope you work things out and that, in the end, it will all turn out fine.

god bless.

You might start by going to counseling together. You can set an appointment with a good pastor for counseling too. I think this would be a big step toward helping. You might want to consider being in each others present sort of part time. Not over night but watch TV together, go out together someplace. Kind of like date him for awhile and get an idea what he's like now. It might be good to have him over AND have other friends over at the same time. See how he acts. See what he says to them. Maybe ask a friend to privately ask him what his plans are, see if he is serious about getting back together etc. Pray about it... Hope this helps.

Please excuse the rude and outright lack of understanding indicated by most of these post. As a woman of 51 and a christian you are bound by your oath before God and man. It is the custom of both men and woman today to throw away marriage like a pair of socks in these times. Yeat even God declares a marriage however bad a blessed relationship. After 12 years with this man your eyes were all of the sudden opened to the things he does that displease you, Another way to say that is he is human and errors and you have a blank in your eyes and are judging him instead of putting on understanding.
As a christian you are informed that we have real foe in this world his name is Satan, he desires to cause destruction in marriages. And he does that Thur people lacking wisdom as to how he works via people. In your case you became blinded to your husbands good tr ates and now focus on his bad tr ates. In other words you have replaced his position of respect which you once held him with with a position of loathing. As you have pointed to his conduct and are accusing him and are not claiming any of the responsibility for any of the problems in the marriage there exist a witness in the lack of things said that you have not come to examine your part in all this.
Marriage unlike most activities in life takes work. The greatest amount of work we can undertake in a marriage is that of understanding the other persons needs. I am sure you and your husband have not really given any time or real effort to growing your common understanding of one another. In our nations today our education system fails our children on so many different levels that it should be overhauled. Also it does not instruct our Antons children about one of the most important aspects of life. That of wisdom and know edge. In the bible King Solomon speaks to both of these items, Wisdom is to be sought after by seeking good counsel, for my much counsel a matter is know. And know edge, Knowedge establish a thing.
In the beginning of your marriage you had limited knowedge of your husband yeat you respected him and loved him as he was. As your marriage grow older you begain to put wisdom away and look as a marriage as a common things. Many even do so with salvation. Yeat it is not a uncommon thing.
I am going to recommend a book for you that does not deal with marriage really. It title is "the richest man who ever lived" it is about solomons wisdom. There also are two sections in it about marriages and communications. I believe these book will provide you with some great tools to build upon.
As you and he have hit the 12 yeat mark, and this is when most marriages fail apart, believe it of not. Your marriage is rebuildable. I do not recommend that you and he come togeither until you both have read this book togeither and learned about one another and your pardners needs, And also about wisdom in marriage. These tools are required for a strong marriage that will last and will grow.
My hope and God hope is that you will both be blesed in your lives. The best God can do in any marriage is dependant on the authority you give him in the marriage. Have you and your husband made God the center of your marriage. A three fold chord is not eaisly broken. I subject that you allow God to be the center of your marriage and your other relationship and every aspect of your life. I have noticed you like the security your husband offers, indeed woman need that but more then that is your security in God must come first.
If you and your husband agree move back in with him but, for 6 months do not engage in any physical relationship. Live in seperate rooms. But in all other areas of your relationship live as husband and wife. And work on common wisdom in this time. And gain knowedge of one another. Do not rust it at all. Also seek God in prayer and both your and he must forgive All. Before you start the next leg of the journey. God bless.

I know this sounds a bit "preachy", but ALL of your security comes from the LORD. Even when you are with this man, it is God who provides for you.
I know pretty much where you are, and the angst you are suffering. What a dilemma.
How about this:
While you continue to pray about your circumstance, continue to pray for HIM. Not emotionally, but from the head as well as the heart.
While you are praying, ask him to prove himself. Just like you did when you were dating.
When people are courting, they are usually on their best behavior. But the longer they are together, the more familiar they become, and the "little things" begin to show up.
After a while, you should be able to tell if he "has changed his spots" as it were.(Jer. 13:23)
As you pray, ask the Lord to lift him up, and watch him to see if he really is on fire for the LORD, or if he is merely running a game on you.
Give it a lot of time. Don't jump into anything.
Be patient, and ask him to be patient also. Ask him to pray with you. This will certainly reveal the man's heart.
Be careful also that you don't slip back into old habits either, after all you don't want to press any of his buttons.
Allow Jesus to heal you, and heal your husband.
Ps.18:30

Blessings upon you and a prayer for you.

Everything that Skypiercer said in his answer is correct, please follow it! it is exactly what I would have said.

I would add the following, please pick up any one or all of these books they are inspired by the Holy Bible and will drastically change your marriage for the better:
Love & Respect
Every Woman's Battle
Every Man's Battle (for husband)
5 Love Languages
Power of a Praying Wife

All these books are mere shadows of the Word of God, the Holy Bible.

You've invested 12 years of your life in this man, do you feel he deserves another chance? I think Satan wants to tear the two of you apart. Marriage was created by God to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, don't destroy that picture.
Remember that God HATES divorce, if there is any way possible to avoid then please do so. I know that if the two of you put CHRIST in the center of your marriage and wind yourself around HIM (like a three fold cord) then your marriage will succeed. I will pray for you and God bless!

EDIT- I believe that love is an ACT, it is something you do, not something you feel. I don't believe that people can fall "out" of love, I think they just stop doing. He hurt you, and you stopped loving him. It's entirely possible to start loving him back, especially if he is willing. Please pick up one of those books I mentioned, I think they will really help you, especially Love & Respect. I am here anytime you want to email me for support. Oh and please don't listen to that voodoo it person down there, he/she is NOT a Christian. God bless you!

I certainly hope you are not taking the advice of some of the STUPID people here who are trying to guilt you into returning to an abusive husband.

I work for a police department and have seen WAY too many women and children battered physically and mentally by their abusive husbands or boyfriends and they still RETURN TO THEM. It's heartbreaking.

It's INSANITY to return to an abusive relationship, not piety.

Can a leopard change his spots? That was what I asked myself years ago. I left my husband once - this was along long time ago. The separation lasted 3 months during which time he kept swearing that he now understood what was making me so unhappy and that he has changed... promised to be better and that we were going to be so happy again. I was a Christian already at the time and he even promised to come with me to Bible Studies and church etc etc. So I went back. Not two months after my return, he suddenly said to me that he couldn't believe "those things" in the Bible and then just went back to being his abusive self. Three years later (I was still praying and praying for him) he left me for another woman. In the midst of the most terrible depression I have ever experienced, I asked myself, "Can a leopard change his spots?" The answer is of course, "No."

Unless your husband is a born again Christian with the Spirit of God enabling him, he cannot change his character either.

My advice is do not rush back to your husband... watch and pray. Can you live without him? Can you live with him and go on like before? Do you believe he is really born again and sincere in his Christian walk?

God desires that we live in peace and enjoy the good gifts that He has given and contribute something positive and good to His world. How can it serve God to go back and endure an abusive relationship?

If you decide NOT to go back to your husband, you do understand that you cannot remarry, don't you?

I myself have never remarried and I must say, I am much much more happy now that I had ever been with my ex-husband.