Our 4-year old daughter prefers me to her mom and it's affecting our marriage. Advice?

She is only 4 and is responding to the more caring parent at this point in time. Make sure to include your wife in play and reach over and hug her, then hug your daughter, ask for a group hug and continue. If your daughter wants to do something, say "Can we bring mommy? That will make me happy too" and then both know that you love them BOTH. Best to your family.

We'll knowing that your Lil' girl is more attached to you then maybe your wife should take a weekend and go to a water park hotel or take her to a place that she wants to go but you stay so not only will you get a break it will help your Lil girl get closer to your wife

both of you should try balancing out the roles. try being a little strict sometimes, and let "mommy save" her. try helping your wife out in the disciplining so that she doesn't always have to seem like the bad guy and also, show affection to your wife around your daughter. since she seems too look up to you, maybe she'll follow along.

it is a natural thing daughters are always attracted towards the father and like to do and become the same as he is there fore act intelligently to sort it out and only you can do it

Family therapy might help your wife cope with parenting differently, improve her responses to your daughter, thereby improving her relationship with your daughter. It can only help, and in the process your wife might get some help for her depression.

Is your wife a yell er because she has to be the disciplinarian all the time while you get to be the goofball who gets to have all the fun with your daughter? If that is the case you need to take some of the burden of disciplining your daughter off your wife and share that burden equally. If that's not the case (well and even if it is the case), you should try to find activities in which your wife and your daughter can bond without you involved.

Also, you should be careful about the reinforcement you are giving her about her behavior. Even at the age of 4, your daughter could be pitting the two of you against one another so that she can get all of your attention. If she is rude or disrespectful to your wife, you need to be the one to call her on it and don't coddle her after wards or she will know you really don't mean it. If your wife is talking to her and she is ignoring her mom, give her a warning. If she does it again give her time out for a few minutes (one minute per year of age is a good rule of thumb) and don't let her up until she apologizes to her mom. She's got to learn that she has to listen to her and that her mom is just as important as you are.

You may want to get some counseling for your wife to learn how to deal with this. Little girls often gravitate to their daddy's but that doesn't mean that isn't hurtful to their mommy's, especially if this is your only child and she so desperately wants a close mother/daughter bond. She needs to understand that this isn't a reflection on how good of a mom she is or how their relationship will always be.


Edited to say, I was a daddy's little girl while I was growing up, but mom and I were best friends as adults and she was the biggest influence in my life.

You might want to suggest to your wife that being "goofy" is not bad sometimes. That at 4 years, your daughter only thinks of being fun and goofy and while you instill good behavior and good manners in her, it is still acceptable to have fun. Include your wife in the fun things you do with your daughter. it will open up a whole lot of new world for both your wife and daughter.

I like curiosity cat's suggestions but. . . I have a daughter with whom I felt a distance between us from very little on. It seems that we never did bond. One person suggested professional counseling but a referral was required of my daughter's second grade teacher. The teacher refused, saying that my daughter was a wonderful, normal little child and that the person making the suggestion had plenty of her own family problems. (It was one of those small towns.)
Our mother-daughter estrangement continued with constant adjustments, compromises, allowances, and so forth.
Today that daughter is in her mid-40s and I am 70-years old and she rejects me totally as her mother. I regret that other than that one time, I never considered professional help.
It is said that the greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.
You must insist that your daughter respect her mother in all ways.
You and your wife must remember that you are the parents and make sure your daughter knows it. All children need boundaries in order to develop and test their power, as well as yours.

Little children can be very wise and manipulative. I see it in my grandchildren.

Stay loving and honest. Today, if I had it to do all over again, I would seek therapy in a minute.

God Bless.