HELP. Marriage advice from MARRIED People!...what to do when I love my husband but he makes me feel like sh*t?
Marriage AdviceMarriage vows are powerful words that at times are hard to maintain. Many fear that marriage isn't the same commitment that it once was. Leave your fears at home and take a dose of marriage advice to help you maintain a committed relationship. Bring any questions or concerns regarding your death do you part.
HELP. Marriage advice from MARRIED People!...what to do when I love my husband but he makes me feel like sh*t?
My husband and I have been together for over 8 years. I love him to death.....he is my first TRUE love. It is hard to explain this...but even though he is my heart and soul...I sometimes want to punch him in the face for being so....lets just say "tough".
We are BEST friends one minute, and the next we are at each others throats. One minute, I want to be with him forever, the next minute I wonder why I torture myself.....than I realize its because we have a child together, and sometimes its worth the bull because I love him and couldn't imagine my life without him.
He has always been a little rough around the edges. He is very opinionated, set in his ways, and has no room for flexibility and an "open mind". He makes me cry, and than criticizes me for crying. "Im a baby".....but I cry out of frustration and hurt.
I dint have the chapters to explain our history.....but I am just hoping for some sound advice to help me see through this. I feel like I cant just walk away....but this wont change (at least I dint for see it changing for more than a week or two-like normal)
First of all, try and not let him make you feel like that. You have to realize that you are better than that. Why he tries to hurt you? Anyone's guess. Could be lack of self respect, trying to be a big shot. Who knows, but it's wrong. You said you have thought about leaving. Will you be happier without him and the abuse? If so, go. If you think you are happier staying put and dealing with it, then stay. Sounds like those are your only 2 options. He doesn't sound like he'd go to therapy.
Marriage is sacred and beautiful..it doesn't hurt. 8 years is a long time and these things shouldn't be happening. Having a child isn't reason enough for you to still be there.
Answer yourself one thing, do you want your child to be the way the father is? Would you want your daughter or son to go through this?
Marriage is a commitment where people love and grow together not demean one another. Think about what your doing by staying and even though you love him realize that sometimes that isn't enough.
We all love and think we cant walk away but that's insecurity talking, fear of taking a step to be on your won, but no one dies from separating from someone who isn't being loving to us in the first place.
My wife and I are somewhat similar in terms of volatility. It can be very draining. She has so many good qualities though that I couldn't live without her.
Once you understand you cant change him and you accept him for who he is, things will be better. If you already know that he is your true love, why fight it. Accept it and him for who he is and just love the crap out of him. I know this sounds off the wall, but, it will work out for you as soon as you learn to deal with it and know that he isn't there to hurt you, its just his way. Know what I mean?
if you fight him back, it's because you feel frustrated
and that you voice, your opinion is not heard
you are not in equal footing in your marriage
and that is not good
such marriages usually fail
either because he does not respect you ( more likely ) and eventually will tire of it ( he'll probably cheat ), and or you do not respect yourself ( very likely ) and child or no child, you will seek so lice in a man who does
key to this all is stating he is your 1st true love. maybe you do not know what love is , it not what you got, that is for sure, love, rule number 1 ,. always self respects
one side devotion, even if you manage to produce a child is not love
it's one sided devotion
when he starts to respect you back and not be little you
and you start self respecting yourself inside the same environment
then you got love
until then....
Here is the best advice I can give...acknowledge that you have a choice- to be with him and all his faults or to be free of him and move on with your life. If you stay then know that this is the choice you decided upon and commit to making the most of it that you can. Don't be a victim of a bad situation, be a person who is committed through all the up and downs. Lead through example-most men hate change but even if he doesn't change, you can. You can change your reaction to him and his attitude. Refuse to be baited and never stoop to a lower level. Focus on what makes you happy and what you both enjoy. Go to sleep at night knowing you did your best. Don't waste time stressing on the little things that aggravate you- you'll be happier if you blow them off and concentrate on the things that really matter. I know you can do it because you're a woman and we women are strong! Good luck.
Is sound that u have wonderful couple here i don't see any error here. But for me i saw Ur weakness is that Ur heart easily break. That is the scariest part. So when u get married is just roller coaster ride sometime up and down meaning good and bad. SO focus on financial or money because money will will cause divorce and separation apart. Also, be happy, communicate a lot and adding having sex improve relationship till never end.
You knew what he was like before you married him, and yet you went ahead and married him anyways. Have you ever sat down and told him how he makes you feel. Have you ever suggested couples counseling? It is up to you how much effort you are willing to put into saving your marriage, BUT something must be done. It is not a marriage if one half is not happy, and you are crying all the time. If he refuses to listen to you and go to counseling then you only have one option left, and to be honest, divorce is sometimes the best choice if you find it impossible to live with a spouses behavior, not to mention the effect he is having on your child. It is time for some real soul searching and then doing what is best for you and your child.
First off, you have to look at it two different ways as I am with a man that is the same way. Either counseling looks like it could benefit the two of you (plus your child or children) or you half to be willing to compromise how you feel (if he isn't willing to change). If you are with someone that doesn't want to change the way they are or accept counseling or help of some sort and you aren't willing to compromise your feelings, this cycle will continue to evolve and not get better or change. You have to ask yourself if this is someone that really loves and respects you or its time to move on. Chances are if he hurts you and doesn't care about you emotionally, its not someone who has your best interest at heart.
It seems the 7 year itch is still prevalent in yr married life. Do not get frustrated or disheartened, create some changes in yr daily life like different sexy clothes, going outdoors use yr powerful weapon which GOD has given to you "SEX" squeeze the juice out of him and he will become docile. make yr self attractive by keeping yr body in shape.
You knew this before you married him hon.
You can not change or fix him.
You can ask him to go to marriage counseling or a seminar sometime.
Or you can go yourself.
Also try Dr.Laura.com.
If you aren't willing to leave him, you have no other choice but to accept it & deal with it. Maybe if he would be willing to get counseling, things would change. You could also just ignore him.
I'd say he has never been any different, but like most women, you want to change your man into something he's not. This is the way you met him and loved him. If you did succeed and change him, you would no longer love him.
Find ways to deal with it within yourself. When you calm down, I'm quite sure he will too. You've just got into this dance of intransigence, where one says shit, the other says clay.
You're the one with the problem, deal with it.
DC below has the right idea, pay attention to what she said.
As for me, I tend to give it a bit more kick.
Do this, sit his sorry tail down and you tell him straight up.
I don't like it when you ? It makes me feel?
And then tell him that if he continues treating you like this, you will leave and he will no see you again.
So ask yourself what are you willing to loose to be able to continue this behavior?
DC is right, you don't want to walk away from a relationship until you can say you made a strong effort to keep it together.
So put it in his hands, he either changes how he treats you or by failing to do so, will tell you how much he values the marriage.
You just need to know what you are prepared to do if he decides not to change.
Again DC stated that for you own self respect you should go, another thing you must consider is the child, if you don't do what you must what will you be teaching that child about relationships and how to treat you?
SHOW him this question, i don't think hes going to come around if you try to talk to him. he has to see it. you jotted down all the frustrations, anger and pain RIGHT HERE. LET HIM SEE THIS so he can understand what you've been going through all the time. you already told US, now its time to communicate to your husband.
and learn be stand up for yourself, woman! seriously. i hate coming to this forum and watching women whine but they never do anything about it. you need to stomp your feet and tell your husband grow the heck up. i know you love him to death but you have to have room in your heart to love YOURSELF. if you don't love and respect yourself, nobody else will for you.
Now a true definition of a husband is being a true man who honors his wife, protects her, GUIDES her, loves her, supports her and stays loyal to her. a Husband does NOT act like a bully or criticize his own wife making her feel like a piece of turd. SHOW him this question and if that doesn't work, its time to take drastic measures.
First of all let me ask his name
cause I think we married the same guy LOL
Just kidding
You just described my husband
He acts like he should have been born over a hundred years ago.
I really wish I knew what to tell you.
He will be who he is like it or not
My husband and I have been together off & on for 30 yrs.
been married for 8 yrs.
He hasn't changed yet,so I accept him for who he is.
Besides there is good in his heart
we just see it when he wants to show it.
Hang in there
It'll be OK
HELP. Marriage advice from MARRIED People!...what to do when I love my husband but he makes me feel like sh*t?
