Whats the right advice to give to sis inlaw who's marriage isn't going so well?

she really doesn't want Ur advice just a shoulder to lean on so Ur doing the right thing be careful what u do say CZ if she does decide to make it work then u would b the bad guy

Advise them to work on their marriage so that they can find happiness and keep their family together. That WILL make the kids happy. Suggest counseling.

You can say nothing. Don't give marriage advice to anyone else! You'll end up the fall guy. I had someone give me marriage advice and it turns out that the chick wasn't even taking her own advice! AND she was encouraging me to leave the marriage. Now it turns out that she's having marital issues but guess what, I'm out of it.

Just be an ear and that's it.

You told her the only thing that you can offer as advice. However, tell her that if he and she are willing to work on the marriage then try some marriage counseling. however, both partners must be willing to give it a try and wish for the marriage to work.

You're absolutely rite in that staying together for the sake of the kids is NOT the rite thing to do. Kids are NOT dumb at all, they feel the stress & tension in their home. They know something is just not rite between their mom & dad. It does NOT make for a happy household. Would they consider going for some kind of counseling? That does work at times IF the couple truly wants to attempt to make a go of things. Lots of times an outsider just CAN get to the root of things & help get them straightened out w/for them. IF there no longer is love between them, then it IS time for them to decide just what's best tor ALL of them. But, staying together for the wrong reasons is NOT the rite thing to do tho. It's just more or less prolonging the inevitable & making for an unhappy household. I DO wish them the best...

You are correct on the advice of trying to stay together for the kids...they perceive things better than adults and the environment that is falling apart is not healthy for them. I guess the only other thing that could be said concerns planning...that if she does decide to make a break that she has planned financially and will have a good roof over her head and for the children in the months leading to a final split.

Do not get involved, if they decide to get back together you will look like the one who didn't think they could stay together and be blamed for it. be diplomatic and understanding but dint take a side or stance

In a situation like that it is better to get out of the picture and don't give advice to either one because neither one will love you for it and it causes bad feelings in the end stay out of their business they will work things out if you can;t seem to stay out of it then suggest they go to a marriage counsel that is the best route to take

Tell them to work on their marriage and start making each other happier!
If they will split and find someone else they are likely to repeat the same cycle of failure.

Self-help books listed in source, also can get professional marriage counseling (emotion-based, not communication nor god).

Unhappy parents to not automatically make for unhappy kids; the parents have to violently *hate* each other for splitting to be in their benefit. Divorce is devastating to children.

The particular thing is, to hate someone that much you also have to love them or at least once loved them. So even in these circumstances, if you break the cycle of hatred they can recover. They know they loved each other once, they can fall in love again!

It starts with a conversation where one of them says I don't want to live like this, I want things to be like they were when we got married, I want both of us to be happy. The feeling will likely be mutual.