How to save my marriage?? Help easy 10pts!?

kisskissox72 · #1 (**permalink**) 08-25-2010, 06:34 PM

Okay, so my husband is deployed. Our first deployment and he's taking it really hard. Once he found out he was deploying he always started fights and was very stressed. He's 24, I'm 22 married 1yr, but together for 5.5years. Well, he's been deployed for a 2.5months. He's also kinda a mama's boy. Well, we had a face book together. I noticed he changed the password. So I told my friend to show him some support (sending him a message). She saw that he took all the pictures of me off and now saying he's single. He has also been commenting on other females pics. This doesn't bother me that much CZ he can't at on it. For the most part we never had cheating in the relationship. Ever since he left he has been very distant. When I asked him why he told me our marriage is f*ck ed up, etc. It's rocky but never serious issues. That all he does is think out there and he doesn't know how he feels. That we're probably going to get a divorce. FRG said, it's normal, he's young, combat stress etc. He's the type of person that can't handle stress. I was thinking that I should give him space. Not write letters & when he calls not to answer (just for 2months or so). I want him to see how it will be like without me. He's not coming home until April for RR. Then he's back in for good in August. Is this normal?? He's never been so distant before. What should I do??

fanella · #2 (**permalink**) 08-29-2010, 06:34 PM

you have to wait for him to get back.... before you can save anything. at this point... being deployed is very stressful.... and some people don't handle stress very good. when he gets back.... if needed... seek counseling. My neighbor has the identical trouble a couple of months past and tried this program that he learned on the net . It is very effective that the pair made their union work. so if you need to test it, you can click this place http://doiop.com/marriagesafe

arf1167 · #3 (**permalink**) 09-01-2010, 06:34 PM

His stress is understandable... he is going into combat. He needs to know that you're home.. that you're there for him.

That being said....... he ALSO needs to be the man in this marriage and the whole Facebook thing is a red flag. Why would he change his status? Why would he take down your pictures? That bothers me a lot.

Obviously you should wait till he comes back and figure out what's going on. While he is deployed I'd suggest that you might want to be the good "warrior's wife"... be supportive of him. But once he's back and has a chance to decompress from his experiences that will be the time to work on the marriage.

Good luck... God bless you both

Red T · #4 (**permalink**) 09-02-2010, 06:34 PM

I've heard sometimes the group of guys they deploy with can give him a hard time,
of who or what he may care about.
so maybe that's why he would change his profile or could drop it all together.
He needs to communicate to you about what is going on when he gets back,then you will know for sure if it's the marriage that is messed up or if he is.

kikoman · #5 (**permalink**) 09-03-2010, 06:34 PM

He is probably under a lot of stress over there and I think now is not the time to not answer his calls or distance yourself from him. He may be suffering from some degree of depression from being over there and being a support for him now may result in being able to talk to each other when he gets home. The other site given may be good but I will give you a site for free marriage counseling and that may help as well because you can look it over now while you wait for him to return and then go over it with him when he does get back.

michelle :] · #6 (**permalink**) 09-05-2010, 06:34 PM

The military is becoming more aware of the mental ramifications of deployments but it will be up to individuals to seek and press for services. Start now before he gets back. Find out what is available. There are safety issues because of his anger and/or fear. God Bless you and your husband.

Toky · #7 (**permalink**) 09-07-2010, 06:34 PM

Stick with it. Don't take your love an support away from him. Stay in contact with him as much as possible. It is stressful on long deployments and in time he will appreciate your support. As with most soldiers they tend to listen to the horror stories about their partners having affairs and pretty much give up on relationships before and during deployment. Send a care package as often as possible and reassure him that you love him, he will come around. I went through this when I was deployed . Love and support from home is what got me through the stress. Hang in there and be strong!