Marriage AdviceMarriage vows are powerful words that at times are hard to maintain. Many fear that marriage isn't the same commitment that it once was. Leave your fears at home and take a dose of marriage advice to help you maintain a committed relationship. Bring any questions or concerns regarding your death do you part.
We have been married for almost 5 years. Over this time, he has 3 jobs, all different shifts. He is always tired and has been promising to change his behavior when he gets that way. He can be very mean in things he says to me, he's made me cry and then teased me about it, he gets very irritated if I ask him to help with our children, and is using this as an excuse to not do things (go places, do things to help out around the house). I feel like he doesn't care about me and isn't attracted to me anymore, since I have gained some weight from 2 back to back pregnancies. I cant tell you the last time he told me i was pretty. When I try to talk to him, he is never wrong and refuses to take any blame for anything. Example: I came home the other night, he was sleeping in the chair, our 2 year old was on his lap and our 9 month old daughter was no where to be seen. Of course I freaked out that she wasn't there, and that was the 1st thing out of my mouth "where is she?!?". Well, she was in bed, but I didn't know that. He is a sound sleeper and doesn't wake easily. But anyways, I got yelled at for immediately asking where she was!!! The conversation turned around to "me attacking him when he is a responsible adult". He constantly is complaining to be tired, but always gets a full night sleep and never (and I do repeat never) gets up with the kids for anything, and hasn't since the day they were born. It feels like nothing I do is good enough and I am always wrong and getting yelled at. I cant take it anymore! Please, any suggestions would be great! Please save the sarcasm for another question...serious thoughtful suggestions please!
Thanks for all the good answers so far! I have begged him to get involved in things, join something, go somewhere with people. He doesn't want to, but uses $$$ as an excuse. (we have the
***(we have the $$$ to do things, not an excess amount, but enough that he could freely do something)
These are difficult times...the deepest recession we have seen....food getting more expensive. You know working different shifts is hard on the body and the mind. For a while, focus on you and your children, let your husband fend for himself. He has to learn self sufficiency and you need to maintain your sanity, both for yourself and for your children. Give it a try and hang in there
Sounds like he's suffering from maybe a mild case of depression and takes his emotional despair on you. He doesn't sound happy, maybe caused by the lack of a steady career in his life and uses "tired" as him being emotionally drained. He feels attacked when you call him out on his shortcomings cause he is already weakened from what sounds like a depleted self-esteem. He needs an emotional tune up, he's probably gained weight over the past three years due to his lack of activity and this hasn't helped his emotional state either. He needs a new lease on life, break him out of his shell, and motivate him to do stuff on his own. He'll end up coming around, but it will probably take time. It sounds like he's been beaten down and chooser's to submit to being "tired" as an excuse for not doing things. Sounds like he can admit to his situation and his wanting to not be such a grumpy Gus, but this doesn't help. A little less talk and a lot more action... A wake up call is you can maybe have one of your kids ask "Daddy why are you so sleepy all the time?" "I miss happy daddy, will you be happy?" If you guys are sexually active, you can try to spark up the romance level back too. "Date nights" nice romantic dinner with "dessert aka wife Ala mode' could kick things back into gear. Best of luck to you, way too many relationships hit the rocks in this day and age, maintain your family's boat and steer clear of the rocks.
Cheers!
HELP...my marriage is falling apart!?
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