21 year old female in need of marriage advice...please help!!!?

hey.GiRL.hey!! · #1 (**permalink**) 12-12-2008, 12:51 PM

My husband&I recently got married in October (2007). We were only together for about a year prior the the wedding. Why we rushed...I dont know?! There was really no reason for us to. We just both thought we were ready and that there was no reason to wait. Neither of us have any kids. But for some reason things seemed to have gone down hill (fast). We have only been married what...5 months!?Anyways, we talked the other night because I have been depressed lately. Everything in my life is fine..other than my marriage. I am not out looking for someone else or anything..just not happy with how we treat eachother and how are communication is pretty much non exsistent. We had a heart to heart (even mentioned the"d"word) BUT both decided that that's not an option. We both want this to work&want for me to be happy again.QUESTION: How do I get things back to the way they were?What do I need to do for myself to be happy&not treat him like crap all the time? ANY OTHER ADVICE??

justasking88 · #2 (**permalink**) 12-18-2008, 11:54 PM

More than likely, you and your husband got married at the peak of the"in love"stage. Meaning you get this uncanny connection and thought that that in and of itself would be enough to sustain. You really didn't allow yourselves to develop a"real love"connection that went beyond the good feelings. So, now you have to kind of go backwards and develop the love.But in developing the love, don't strive for things to be as they were, because to a certain degree, it was superficial. Strive for them to better. Get to know one another better, Spend time together and enjoy each other's attention. Become comfortable with one another NOT always having to feel that lovey dovey feeling. Be content with one another when the day is just regular as you go about everyday life. That love will sustain even during period of boredum.I think you depression may have to do with some feeling of regret about marrying to quickly. Don't feel regret or down; marriage is a beauty and can be magical and wonderful if you are your husband choose for it to be that.Good luck.

McyD · #3 (**permalink**) 01-03-2009, 08:48 AM

The first year or two are always the hardest. So what you are feeling is not completely"abnormal". You two have to find a way to be able to live together and respect each other and of course, love each other. Do not sit around and just focus on each others faults - focus on the positives. Also, try reading the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands or The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura.Good luck!

rsv1020 · #4 (**permalink**) 01-22-2009, 10:20 AM

Go seek counseling. Talk with a professional and let them help figure out what the deep root to this situation is.Once you have figured yourself out then go to marriage counseling so you guys can learn to communicate better and learn how to make it work.Marriage is hard work and if you work at it, it is the most wonderful thing in the world.Keep your head up and don't give up.

Forlorn Hope · #5 (**permalink**) 02-19-2009, 10:00 AM

give it time... start talking... express your feelings...

(i've been married 12 years... so if you need to talk, just shout)