I feel like I am going crazy, need relationship advice?

Laura F · #1 (**permalink**) 12-10-2008, 08:09 PM

I am 28 Married Female who has been involved in an affair for the last year with an older man (54). This man is often referred to as a"Saint"as he is very active in the local community, and at my Temple. I met him at Temple, and worked with him on a committee, and that is how our relationship started.Our relationship was made public when we were seen in public together, this man claimed that he was helping me, and I acknowledged our relationship. The Saint was believed and now many people think I am a stalker or a whore. My husband knows about the relationship and for money reasons, the 2 of us cannot divorce at this time.I have been thinking about packing it all up and moving 1000 miles away so I could start over and get my life back. I just think that everyone around me would be better off without me, and I would be better off in an area where people don't know my history where I can start over. I feel all alone and crazy. I have no family or friends for advice.

David B · #2 (**permalink**) 12-11-2008, 03:33 AM

if you have skills that can feed you that might not be a bad idea. If not, stick it out in place and do the best you can.

MadforMAC · #3 (**permalink**) 12-13-2008, 12:57 PM

You two have set yourselves up for this with having an affair. Unfortunately, you are now finding out this"saint"is really a jerk. I suggest you get your act together and start living a better life. Dump this old fart and learn a lesson here.You reap what you sow. Live an honest life, you won't have these problems. I suggest you seek out some counseling. I feel it will help you sort out these issues of adultry, betrayal, divorce, self loathing, etc.

Heather · #4 (**permalink**) 12-16-2008, 02:57 AM

Everyone makes mistakes. We weren't put here to be perfect. The important part is that you learn from it. You could move far away and start over, but you can't move away from yourself. People in your community will most likely get over it. Is there any hope of reconciliation with your husband? Do you want reconciliation with your husband? It can't hurt, when things settle a bit, to talk to him. It's also really important to make friends in your community. No one likes to go through these things alone. Any chance you can get advice or counseling through the church? Things will be raw for a while, but it will get better whether you move or not. Hang in there.

glo_river · #5 (**permalink**) 12-20-2008, 08:40 AM

Okay, this is my opinion of what you should do.- End the affair, typically relationships started in deception end the same way- Change temples- Either go into marriage counseling to try to save your marriage OR mediate your living arrangements and make a plan for where your inevitable divorce will take place, make a list of goals and work together to acheive themProbably a lot of your stress will be alleviated by changing Temples, you won't be seeing all of those people every week like you do now. Besides now that you know how judgmental the congregation is, do you really want to stay anyway?

cal gal · #6 (**permalink**) 12-22-2008, 09:54 AM

You never should have started the relationship in the first place, you were married!! That's where the problem lies. If you were not happy in your marriage, you at least should have gotten a seperation and then started the relationship. Maybe he wasn't as saintly as you say, he was involved with a married woman. Think about it!!

tinkerbell · #7 (**permalink**) 12-23-2008, 07:39 AM

Don't run away. You made this music and now you will have to face it, but soon someone else in the community will do something new and everyone will be focused on them and forget about you. I don't really understand why they think you are a stalker? Have you been pursuing him after the two of you were found out? And I'm wondering why they think that you are a stalker and whore if they don't even believe anything happened. If you want them to all suddenly realize that this person whom they think so much of is actually a lying, cheating, jerk then you are probably going to have to bring out some proof. Do you have any? But really, who cares what"some people"are thinking of you anyway? I'm sure they all have done things that are not so proud of. You should be more concerned what your husband thinks and if he is willing to forgive you then maybe the two of you can rebuild your marriage. Maybe you could use this time of not being able to afford to split up to try and work it out and see if your family can be salvaged.