How can I help my friend to feel more comfortable with our relationship?

drshorty · #1 (**permalink**) 01-07-2009, 05:11 AM

A friend that I really care about has a hard time with our relationship sometimes because she believes that I do things for her but she doesn't do things for me. It makes her feel uncomfortable that she feels she can't reciprocate. For example, today I was going to run something that she needed by her house (it was more or less on my way home) but then she called me and said that it made her feel uncomfortable. I think she thinks she's taking advantage of me, but I care about her and want to do things for her. Besides, she does do things for me, but she just doesn't recognize it.In my way of thinking, friendship isn't about counting how many favors each person has done for the other and making sure they are equal. I consider it a blessing to me to have opportunities to help her out, and I'm sure that she would do the same for me if I needed it.How can I help my friend to see this?

Nocine · #2 (**permalink**) 01-07-2009, 11:24 AM

By letting her see this post! You are an awesome friend that's a people-pleaser! People-pleasers don't count favors cuz they're just doing things to make others feel good&IN RETURN it makes them feel good. :-)Ask her to jump on Yahoo! Quetions&give her your Avatar name. Sometimes it's easier to say things in writing, so let her see it. :-)

pookiebear · #3 (**permalink**) 01-15-2009, 11:56 PM

Your friend's problem could be complex. It could be her age. If she is in her early twenties, then she may not be mature or experienced enough to know how to show genuine gratitude, and this makes her uncomfortable. If she's older, then she may have an inferiority complex or feel a little resentful that she needs more help than you do. Nonetheless, if she really wants you to stop helping her out because it makes her uncomfortable, then you may need to. Or, if you think she's just behaving that way for attention or something like that, you may want to call her bluff. Try not to help her next time but fully explain to her that you are just trying to grant her wishes.

abenezer scrooge · #4 (**permalink**) 02-16-2009, 11:30 AM

your right, you can tell her what you just told us