Any advice for a married man who has sex frequency issues with wife?

patrosh00 · #41 (**permalink**) 08-15-2010, 11:38 PM

Wow. Sounds like mine and my hubby's relationship a couple of months back. I was the same way. We would only have sex (if lucky once a week). I just wasn't into it anymore.
I really think it has to do with hormones...because now I am fine. We have sex at least every other day now. I lot of it has to do with stress...sometimes woman can't turn on a sex button. Make sure that she has a relaxfluening. Maybe fix the kids dinner and let her enjoy herself a nice bubble bath...make sure she has alone time for herself.
Make sure that if you want to have sex, have it at a decent hour, I know that my hubby likes doing it late...and by that time I am so tired that sex is the last thing that crosses my mind.
Watch a sexy movie. Since both of you enjoy sex after you have it, all you need to do for her is get her in the mood! Naked back rubs are nice too :P

codymothergray · #42 (**permalink**) 08-17-2010, 11:38 PM

Ya. I'm in the same boat sometimes. I want it way more than she does. We learned and got better at it. It still recur rs but now we know what to do.

We found out it was a combination of two things. One was we were not setting enough time aside for it. Who wants sex when their mind is on something else all the time? Two we were not having enough fun as a couple. I mean we weren't going out, weren't indulging in anything remotely pleasant and were not talking just to hear each others' voice anymore (hashing out where the kids' college money needs to go and how much isn't really pillow talk). In short we were letting too many other things take higher priority.

There's this TV show in England (I think) called the Sex Inspectors. You may be able to catch it on cable somewhere. I thought it was pretty good. They talk about sex a lot but, at heart, it's really the same message. Good sex comes from a good rapport with your spouse and a happy you.

I still want it more than she does *sigh* but what can you do?

We both try and its a ton better than when we didn't make it a priority.

^_^ vinh le ^_^ · #43 (**permalink**) 08-22-2010, 11:38 PM

Sex for a woman starts way before the bedroom. It's all in what happens before you get there - a love note left under her cereal bowl...a light massage on the shoulders while she's standing in front of you....a simple "you are beautiful on the inside and out"...resting your hand on her leg under the table at dinner....her going to the store and coming home to find the kids gone and dozens of candles lit...laying on her side of the bed before she gets in, so it's warm....
Also - have you ever read "The Five Love Languages". It's GOOD. You two might have different ways of interpreting and showing love. I'm a physical touch girl, so someone resting their hand on my back while they are talking to someone else makes me feel wanted/needed, but another woman might appreciate you cleaning up her place at dinner, etc, or a small gift left in an unexpected place.
Whatever you decide to do - it always helps to count your blessings and concentrate on what you do have instead of what you don't.
Good luck to both of you - it sounds like you are very blessed.

Isolde · #44 (**permalink**) 08-26-2010, 11:38 PM

My husband and I have been in this "funk", as I would like to call it, before. It's a hard one. Basically since your wife is a stay-at-home mom there are not a lot of reasons for her to get dressed up or feel sexy. Not to mention she's probably pretty tired chasing around 2 little boys. When my husband and I went through this we went away for a weekend. What you need to do is take her out of her element. Somewhere where all she can do is rely on you. Surprise her if necessary. As far as hormones go...you said she's been off the pill for 6 months. This may sound a little odd but have her go back on the pill for a few months and see if anything changes. Her body may be reacting to the lack of hormones birth control gives off. I know I was on this generic birth control and my husband and I now refer to it as the "grouchy pill" because every time I used it I would become a raving...(fill in blank). Make your wife feel sexy again and she'll come around. It sounds like you are a great husband and you do a lot around the house. While that is great, it can also contribute to the "funk" problem. When a someone does a lot for you, you stop appreciating them and just expect it. Now that she expects you to do those things she may not feel like she needs to reward you or return the favor. These are just my thoughts on the subject. I could be way off base...I'm just going off of experience.